(Closed) my heart is hurting. please help fellow bee

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
6014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

omg .. ((((HUGS))) and hot chocolate. 

I haven’t had pics taken of me but i’ve been in one of those relationships… for a short time. thankyou mom for watching out for me.

My Mom would feel your pain and confusion and understand it.  My dad persued her hard core, he was going to get her.  She had three kids at the time, pre-teen.  They kissed one night, the next day they met for lunch. She told him everything… things that are even worse than naked pics of you on the net… the things her first husband did to her … I am the only one that knows not even my brothers now.  She told me she just vomited all this disgusting stuff that happened on hm and he said …. ok so we can date now and set a wedding date?

you deserve a man like that.   You aren’t you’re past. You should NOT BE puniished for that for the rest of your life. 

You should get some counseling … and just … take a deep breath, pick up a few classes(school never hurt anyone) and maybe revisit this relationship after you’ve had some clarity and time to think.

ETA … boys can’t get past things .. men know there was a life before them, and love you anyway (per my grammy)

Post # 18
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2019 - City, State

It really bothers me that he’s holding against you something that happened when you were too young to legally consent to it. You were the victim in this, not the wrongdoer. It bothers me anyway when people hold long-ago past things against a person, but even more so in this case because you were underage and coerced. It’s wrong of him to blame you in any way.

Post # 19
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If any forums are still showing any images of you, you can report them to the moderator for underage pornography. That solves one problem. 

Post # 20
Member
6354 posts
Bee Keeper

Can you sue your ex for publishing naked photos of you on the internet without your consent? Because I’m pretty sure you can, and I would!

If you were under the age of consent at the time of the photos, he can even go to jail! It would technically be child porn and that’s a serious crime.

I’m very sorry your current SO judged YOU for what your ex did with those photos. It sounds like he is not that great of a man himself. You deserve someone who will love you unconditionally. You should not be ashamed of giving your ex naked pictures (when he was your boyfriend) and your ex putting them online illegally. This is really not a reflection of bad character on your part at all. Please don’t allow people to make you feel bad even though you have done nothing wrong.

Post # 23
Member
7639 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@lostheart165:  You should be able to get a restraining order. If you don’t live with your bf, can you spend a few nights with your parents until the order is in place?

Also, something else occured to me: your bf is committing a criminal offence (accessing child pornography) if he deliberately looks up those old photos.

((Hugs)).

Post # 24
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@lostheart165: Your past isn’t haunting you, your current boyfriend is. He has no right to make you feel so bad for, as others have said, being victimized by your abusive ex. You need to forgive yourself for what happened and put the blame where it rightly belongs–your ex. And frankly, your current boyfriend for continuing to victimize you for something that was not your fault. Stand up for yourself, girl! You don’t deserve to be punished by ANYONE for what happened in the past! You don’t owe your current boyfriend or anyone an apology for what happened. It was not your fault. I also find it very disturbing that your boyfriend is upset at having to “share” you. Honestly, he does not sound very mature or supportive. Real men are happy to be with real women, warts and all. Real men don’t get caught up in the fantasy of some “pure” virginized little lamb, and they certainly don’t get upset at their partners for having lived life before them. You can do much better than your current boyfriend based on how you’ve described him here, IMO. But not until you forgive yourself & allow yourself to move on.

ETA: I’m so sorry to hear that your ex was released. That’s awful. He sounds like a real piece of work. 🙁

Post # 26
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Your past has nothing to do with the current situation, your current boyfriend does. You or your exboyfriend (even with his abusive behavior) have nothing to do with this. Your boyfriend is an adult man that can’t handle that you, like everyone, have a past.

I’m sorry you’re going through this and hope everything gets better.

Post # 27
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@paula1248:  OP listen to this. For your safety get a restraining order.

 

I’m so sorry for what you went through. I’m glad you took action against that dirtbag, that was very brave of you. Now for your SO, he is being a completely irrational and manipulative. I know you are hurting right now but you can see he has no right to feel this way towards you right? You were a victim and your SO is just criminlizing you for something that happened way before him. Not to mention you were in an abusive relationship and instead of trying to console you he is blaming you for having to “share you.” Which he isn’t sharing you. If a man in the street checks you out are you to blame for that too?

I hope you feel better and stay safe 🙂

ETA: Just saw your update I’m glad there’s a retraint order.

Post # 29
Member
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m confused. You said he wasn’t sent to prison for his crime, but that he was just released? Was he in prison for something else?

Post # 31
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@lostheart165: Yes, of course you will be happy! IMO though based on what you write here, you do need to work on your self-esteem & on being happy with yourself on your own. Therapy may help with that. You are an incredibly strong person to have gotten out of the abusive relationship at such a young age, and to have moved on with your life. There are people who stay in these types of relationships for decades, so you are already on your way to happiness. If there’s one thing that this whole mess happening right now should teach you, it’s that anyone who loved and respected you would be supporting you during this difficult time, not pulling away from you and belittling you for something that happened long ago while you were still a minor. Your boyfriend should be reaching out to you with love and support, not judgment. I hope you realize that you are better than this, and that you deserve someone who helps hold you up instead of bringing you down.

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