Post # 32
SO, your bf is mad that your asshole ex boyfriend manipulated you into taking nude pictures of your underage self and then distributed said child porn online?
He’s mad at you?
He’s a dick. Read my sentence allowed to yourself a few times.
I can’t even imagine. If it were me, my Fiance would be hunting down that asshat with a angry mob.
That’s the kind of man I want for you-not a loser who makes you feel bad for someone exploiting you and distributing child porn on the internet like it’s your fault somehow.
edit: And another thing-this whole “he has to share you” thing. Really?? How the FUCK does he think you feel, knowing pedos are looking at your photos? But it makes HIM uncomfortable and angry? Fuck this guy.
Post # 33
You wer the victim not your Boyfriend or Best Friend and although he has the right to be upset by it, he cant blame you for it. He should be supporting you not blaming you or making you feel bad.
It sounds like you both might benefit from some therapy to learn how to deal and to see if you can work past this together.
Post # 34
You can’t do anything to make your bf get over this. He has to put on his big boy pants and do it himself. Honestly, he is continuing the drama by holding this over your head.
Post # 35
What was your ex in jail for since you said he didn’t get any jail/prison time for what he did to you. Are there other crimes?
Never mind, I see other Bees were confused as well.
In any case, I think by staying with your current bf, you’re retraumatizing yourself over and over by constantly having to rehash the whole ordeal for no good reason. He is blaming the victim, which tells me he lacks empathy.
People who lack empathy are bad, if not dangerous partners.
Post # 36
As an adult, I’ve willingly taken nude pictures and videos with my ex’s and current SO for our own private purposes. even as a legal, consenting adult, distributing them online would be a huge violation of trust and privacy. however, I would not be with someone who judged me for having a life and sexual past before him. The fact that you were a minor and you were in an abusive relationship completely dissolves any ground that your SO thinks he has to stand on. He needs to understand that what happened before happened because you were being manipulated by an aubsive asshole. He needs to understand that you feel ashamed because abusers are really good at making their victims feel like the abuser’s actions and the following consequences are the victims fault. the fact that he is holding this against you is only reinforcing the notion that you did something wrong. Let me be clear here – you did absolutely nothing wrong. Nothing. He needs to understand that whatever discomfort he feels is absolutely microscopic compared to the violation you feel. Honestly, I think he is being incredibly selfish and he needs to stop thinking of it as ‘my gf’s nudes are on the internet’ and start thinking of it as ‘my gf was abused and victimized and she’s suffered a tremendous violation.’ OP, I know you love him but I’m grossed out by your BF’s behaviour. I think you should show him this thread, see a therapist to help navigate the emotions this entire ordeal is causing and invite him to participate in your sessions. He is not being amazing and kind right now but I believe he does love you. Hopefully he just needs a hand seeing this objectively and will soon realize that he’s being a total dick by blaming you for the actions of your abuser.
Post # 37
OMG…. This is bs. A true love is to accept the person for who and what they are. Accept tat the past is in the past and work on moving forward. Sound like he is using this as an excuse…. let me guess… he is in his early 20’s ? At least that’s what it sounds like. I understand that heavy religius beliefs can alter someones thinking, but in the world we live today, media accesible to young girls, provoking songs on the radio…. It’s just highly unlikely that you can get together with a person in your 20’s that has a clean history. Tell him to get off his high horse. He is not a saint.
You have done nothing wrong. If he really loves you, he will get over this.
Post # 38
OP I say this with kindness, but maybe putting this online and asking strangers for help isn’t the way to go. I know it’s anonymous, but with any kind of legal situation you can’t be too careful. My advice, seek counseling to move past the trauma and consult a lawyer. It’s time to be strong. Good luck!
Post # 39
OP-You deserve someone who is willing to help you work through the trauma and get over it, not someone who continues to punish you for something that isn’t necessarily your fault.
Please, please, please go talk to a counselor about this. Contact the sites where your pictures are still up, especially since you are underage. Take a break from this guy you are dating because he sounds like a wack job. Get a restraining order against the ex.
Take time for yourself and give yourself the ok to move on with your life from this. I know that you are already hurting enough as it is and you d o not need someone constsanly telling you how much you screwed up when you were younger. We all make stupid mistakes when we were teenagers.
As far as the “sharing you” thing goes, I don’t know many people who haven’t been with just one guy and as far as I know, no one has ever said that they hate having to share them. You are committed to the current guy and that is all that should matter.
Sending hugs and good thoughts your way <33
Post # 41
From my (limited) understanding isn’t your religion based on forgiveness? He doesn’t sound very forgiving. Also, it’s absolutely not your fault. This sort of thing happens A LOT. You were young and impressionable. You should not have to apologise to anyone, least of all this man hiding behind the Church. He should be supporting you not holding this one indiscression over your head.
Post # 42
Seriously, how dare he make you feel like the bad guy? You are the victim here!
Post # 43
@MissFireFlower +a milliion!
Your Boyfriend or Best Friend is punishing you for something you did when you were a teen, it’s not like you are taking nude pics of yourself now and putting them online. He needs to either get over it FOR REAL or you need to break up with him.
@HisIrishPrincess what your grammy said is SO true, boys don’t get over things, men do because they realize there was life before them and your Boyfriend or Best Friend is obviously not a man or he would accept that this horrible thing happened to you and he’d be there for you and want to move on, instead he is punishing you for shit that happened before you were together.
Also @HisIrishPrincess your dad sounds great to just say to your mom, ok well can we get married now? love that, EVERY woman deserves a man like this and I’m happy to say I have one now
Post # 44
you have lots of great advice here.. I just wanted to tell you that you are in my prayers.
Post # 45
Try couples counselling. It’s not your fault and he needs to understand that.
Post # 46
Boy what a night..Thank you all for the replies! It means a lot.
I just dont feel like my bf hates me, or is angry with me. I wanna write out his texts I had gotten from him and see what you think..
Texts start from first to last over a couple days period***
(After his blow up saturday night received late sunday evening) “I’ve not been ignoring you intentionally today. i just don’t know what to say to you or how to handle anything. I’m sorry.
(still sunday) “i need time. time to think and follow my heart that i can do whats best for not just me, but us. for now though I’m still clueless in what to say to you. i love you. ill ttyl, and please rest up its been a bad few days on ya i know I’m sorry.”
(monday) ” your past shouldn’t be punishing you and its not the way i see it. this whole thing is my fault for sitting on my hands the past 2 years and notnever truly letting it all out. i just kept everything in and kept saying in time id feel better. but i haven’t felt better like i thought i would. and as we go further in time, i feel more pressure from you wanting to take us to the next level (which you have every right to expect) pressure from my family, and from church now too. I’ve not been fair to you at all. I’ve known for far too long something hasn’t felt right in me but never wanted to say anything to you because of exactly where we are now. you’re hurting so damn bad, and even when i have spoken up and so far wrecked your world, i still don’t know what i need to do.”
(tuesday) “if i didn’t love you, this whole thing would be easy cause id have left long ago. to me its about if I’m truly being fair to you. am i really giving you my all like you deserve? and the answer to that when looking back to past few years is no. i have not been. 🙁 i cant remember the last time i looked at us and thought yes, without a doubt ill marry this girl. I’ve always been second guessing everything nearly everyday and thats not fair to you. I’ve been wasting your time and energy because i know how you feel about me. it just adds to the guilt of why don’t i feel the way you do for me? 🙁 again, its not being fair to you. i know i love you. i just also know I’ve never came around to how i feel about you and us before the god damn day. and to try and give you closure to why it bugs me so much is cause 1 I’m the super jealous type and hate ‘sharing’ you with any guy in any way or form. 2 is i had so much trust in you then boom i had my whole world and vision of us get shattered.”
(Tuesday last night when my ex was released) “he wont, you wont ever have to hear from him again. he already knows you weren’t afraid to get the police involved so why would he be dumb enough to get right back into trouble.”
(continued) “i do love you that isn’t a doubt in my mind. just calm down i feel comfortable promising you that you will not hear or see anymore trouble from him. he’ll probably take his sorry a** back to (home state) any day now.”