(Closed) my heart is hurting. please help fellow bee

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 78
3051 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

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@Baal:  +10000

This is the truth. He’s a douche & he’s hiding behind your past. He doesn’t want to hurt you but doesn’t want to be with you. This is the game that turns into “what can I do to make her break up with me.” You need to move on & you WILL find someone else to love you but you really need a counselor hun. The fact that you yourself thing you aren’t worth loving because of your past is a HUGE sign that these bfs of yours have really fucked with your head & destroyed your self worth.

Post # 79
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

“He is my whole world”

He shouldn’t be. That’s a part of the problem; he is only a part of your world. You know who you spend most of your time with? 🙂 Yourself.

I think you need a way to forgive yourself.

You know the story of Jesus with the adulteress that they were going to stone – What did Jesus say, let the first man who has not sinned throw the first stone? He wouldn’t let anyone punish her nor did he punish her himself – he was the only one in the room who hadn’t sinned and still he didn’t condemn her or punish her… What he did say was go and sin no more.

Neither God nor Jesus is looking at you and your photos from 15 and saying hmmm yeah that girl needs to beg for my forgiveness and punish herself and be punished by others and me before I’m going to be ok with her again. NOT A CHANCE! Don’t punish yourself with God or Jesus or Religion if anything pick yourself up with it.

Gods not stuck there, nor should you be. God is always looking forward at what you could be not back at what you did, you should look forward too. Be proud you walked in all of that and walked right out the other side. That makes you a role model for others who are going through something similar.

Maybe this man will see that, maybe the next will. What I do know is this – many people will not bat an eye at your past.

Post # 80
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

“I just dont believe he wants to feel this way. its scarring for him know the girl he loves has nude pictures on the i internet out there.”

I’m sorry, but YOU were the victim in this situation, not your current SO. He needs to put on his big boy pants and get over it. If he is unable to get over it, because he feels he somehow has some sort of ownership over you, then you should move on and I promise you, there are better bros out there!

Post # 81
40 posts
  • Wedding: October 2012

You need to love yourself first and start treating yourself like a person of value – that’s the issue right here.  You have given this guy way too much power.  You are so involved in the relationship you cannot see the obvious – I read those texts and it’s very clear that he is telling you he doesn’t love you as much as you love him.  He cannot understand it but he said that he questions your relationship and if you are the one everyday.  Is that someone you want?  It’s better to be alone than with that kind of one-sided love. Walk away.  Wish him luck and tell him you hope he finds compassion and love for the next person because he is sorely lacking it now. 

Post # 82
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Why would you want to marry someone that is not foriving your past? Even if he marries you now, he still holds a grudge against your past. Part of me I think he does not love you enough to marry you. You should not feel guilty for something you did in the past. You did not know him at that point in your life. It may be better if you break up with him and move on with your life. The one who truely loves you will stay with you through thick and thin. I would say it is an excuse he made up to not marry you. 4 years with no proposal? Move on girl

Post # 83
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You have NO reason to be ashamed. What happened was horrible, and absolutely not your fault – I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this 🙁

While I understand that this must be hard for your bf, this is something that was forced upon you, and he needs to support you and be there for you. It’s not fair for him to punish you. 

I would definitely take some time to think things through for yourself, and I would most definitely speak with a counselor – I’d also consider couple’s therapy, as it sounds like you both need to work through this together (if you want the relationship to continue, of course.)

Good luck with everything – my thoughts are with you!!

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