(Closed) My heart just sank

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
1454 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

We were hit with major financial hardship 4 months before our wedding and instead of pushing it back or canceling, we just canceled the reception. We’ll have a party in the summer for people who won’t make it out for the cermony, and we’re having a small dinner at a restaurant for those who can make it to the ceremony. It’s not my dream wedding, but I couldn’t wait another year. Being married was more important to me.

You have to decide what’s more important to you guys- a wedding or being married.

Post # 18
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We had to do this for our June 2009 wedding when I lost my job in January 2009. We are coming up on our new date of june 2010 and still have had to scale back on what we could spend….by more than half. If I could do it again I would just have gotten married then, and thrown a huge party later. It put a ton of stress on me to worry about planning everything a second time and I at some points have just been sick of doing everything again and just want to be married already.

Post # 19
Member
2054 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I was going to suggest what Ladyox did…go to the courthouse and just…get married. for the both of you…you get all the benefits..and then just have your dream wedding later!! so that you dont have to settle for a small ceremony that you may not want…

Post # 20
Member
1600 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

maybe this is a little off, but have you talked to your parents about what they think?

i mean, if they’re paying for your schooling maybe if you spoke with them they could allow you to get a part time job solely so that you could get married? if they are excited about experiencing a wedding maybe they’d be okay with it…

Post # 21
Member
2857 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden

I agree with the above posters. Why not have a backyard wedding or get married at city hall and then have a nice dinner wtih close friends and family? Then in a few years when you have money saved, you can have your $15k wedding.

Post # 22
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with others, there are more budget friednly ideas out there.  I also ditto talking to your parents. As someone with a child and was one of the top people in her nursing class-it is very doable to work during college.

Post # 24
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I am so sorry to hear that… 32 months seems too long, even 20 months is long (for me)…can you have something small, lots of DIY…. we don’t have much money to get marry either, but we are making it work by cutting cost, have family member helping, etc. Hope it all works for you! 

Post # 25
Member
4023 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am sorry 🙁 it will go quickly, even if it does seem like a long time!

Post # 26
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I hope this isn’t upsetting because I don’t mean for it to be.  I can understand that you want a nice wedding.  But I can’t understand the amount.  You can have a nice wedding and not spend as much.  Have you thought about trying to bring the amounts down on certain areas and still have one splurge vendor?  You know you can also be married and stay on your own health insurance policies.  I guess for me it’s upsetting to see a girl who is excited to get married but has to wait two years just to do it because of the large amount of money.  Have you thought about a destination wedding?  They tend to be a little cheaper and then have a reception back home? 

Post # 27
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee

I think you should be a bit more realistic about standards for your wedding. You mention that you want to have a fancy wedding as a “gift” to your FI’s family, but do you really think they will care if you have a $5,000 photographer? I think that is way over the top honestly. Fiance and I also wanted to have a nice wedding, but there’s a difference between a “nice wedding” and a “platinum wedding”, and you can definitely have the former without splurging. 

Regarding getting a part-time job, I think it’s very possible to do well in school and work. I worked 3 part time jobs to pay my way through college and still got good grades. Several of my friends did the same. 

I guess what I’m trying to tell you is that feeling sorry for what you can’t have isn’t going to get you far. I think you can definitely find ways to save up for a simpler wedding than you are envisioning currently and have it earlier. If your priorities are having an extravagant affair, that’s completely fine, but then realize that this is a choice you are making for yourself, and the waiting is a necessary part of it. 

Good luck! 

Post # 29
Member
2777 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with the other posters that you could always have a small intimate wedding now and then a big vow renewal with your 15K budget later.

But as you don’t seem keen on that idea, what I’d suggest is you and your FH open a joint savings account where you put in X amount of money every month until you have enough for your dream wedding. That way you might not have to wait the whole 32 months. 

And as for getting a job. If you want to get one then go and get one. What your parents are saying is totally fair enough and if your grades start to suffer then you should probably stop working but having some extra cash is never a bad thing – especially in this day and age. 

Just my .2cents

Post # 30
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think I agree with GirlWithARing, if you decide that’s the type of wedding you want and you won’t work part-time during school and your Fiance is still in school then I don’t think you really have much choice.  Please don’t think we are harping on you, we just want you to realize that if this is what you want then you are going to have to wait and just accept the wait.  Yes, I agree, photographs are beautiful and you want them to be able to remember your wedding day by—-but honestly how many pictures will you have up in the house from the wedding day?  Maybe a few? All the couples I know have one of them together, maybe with their parents and then with the wedding party. There isn’t possibly a cheaper photographer who does just as nice a job for a little less?  Where do you live?  Maybe that’s the problem—if things are really expensive out there then you might just be stuck.

Post # 31
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m sorry to hear that your wedding has been pushed back!  I know it must be so disappointing because it seems so far away and it sounds like you’ve been doing tons of planning.  However, maybe waiting a little longer will be worth it because it sounds like you really want a “nicer” wedding.  $15,000 is a LOT of money because it’s money you’re spending all at once within a few months.  So it’ll take a little while to save up that money and I think you should focus on school right now and saving up money. 

Also, I think you have to be living together for about 5 or 7 years (depending on your state) to be considered married by common law.  I only mention this because if you’re thinking about health insurance through your Fiance, the insurance company won’t recognize you as a spouse.  (I work at an insurance company)  Your health comes first. If you are covered under your parent’s insurance, I would stay under their policy as long as you can if you are getting good coverage.  Otherwise, you’re going to find that medical bills will drain away any savings you have towards the wedding.

Good luck!

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