(Closed) My heart might check out after Christmas… help.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1481 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I agree with you that he gave himself an out by saying he was going to propose on Christmas. He could have totally just said that because he was angry, not because he was actually going to or had thought about it. If this is the case, he sounds very manipulative and I wouldn’t want to be with a man that played games like that, especially after you’ve expressed your concerns about your aging father, having children, etc.

If your heart does give up after Christmas, would it be the worst thing ever? I know it will be extremely hard, because you love him and you’ve been together for so long. But it might be the best thing for you in the long run. What if he did propose, but then you might have to deal with his procrastination/manipulating regarding babies or buying a house or any other major life decision? I understand taking your time and thinking things out, but 6 years is quite a long time to figure something out.

Post # 4
Member
1152 posts
Bumble bee

I think he should read your post.

And I think that if he hasn’t proposed by Christmas, he obviously isn’t really excited about marriage. Or is willing to make that step even though you want it so badly. That’s really selfish, imo. To just keep pushing it away without real, valid reasons, while you have been totally reasonable about it for so long (minus the meltdown, but these things haopen).

There is nothing silly about longing for a marriage. And if he’s not going to take your feelings and desires into consideration – or if, after 6 years, he still can’t make up his mind – then he’s not going to be a very good life partner, is he? Never settle for a half-commitment when you’re dreaming of a whole one.

I’d be interested to see an update… See if he has a change of heart after all this.

Post # 5
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Personally that would be the last straw for me and I’d start to feel like he was just making up excuse after excuse and not keeping the way I feel in mind. If he doesn’t purpose by christmas, I’d say walk. Find someone who isn’t going to make you wait forever. Marriage should NEVER be about “money” it should be love and ONLY love. 

Post # 9
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@AquaGrey8962:  I’m so sorry that you are in this situation :/ It seems to me that you’ve made up your mind on a timeline and I think that it’s completely reasonable. You’ve been very patient from what it looks like and he should understand why it’s taking a toll on you emotionally. Especially if you are wanting to start a family! I can’t imagine how stressful and heartbreaking this is for you but hang in there.. 

Post # 10
Member
4152 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I think it’s extremely healthy to know when it’s time to walk away from a relationship before it drags you down to a point of no return.  I also know from experience that it’s terrifying leaving the person you’ve shared so much with.  Whatever you end up deciding, stay strong!

Post # 11
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I would give him an ultimatum: propose before the end of January (gives him time to do it on New Year’s if he doesn’t want to do it on Christmas anymore), or you’re walking.

I’m not usually a fan of ultimatums for waiting bees, but your circumstances are quite different. I’m pretty shocked that he didn’t propose after your surgery.

HUGS and good luck πŸ™‚

Post # 15
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@AquaGrey8962:  

I’m so sorry, I can somewhat understand how you feel because my current relationship has lasted 7 years so far. It’s so hard to think about walking away as if you’re just ripping off a bandaid.

As for his comment about threats, it shows he currently believes you’ll never walk away from him. If you’ve already given him an ultimatum, unfortunately you’ll have to walk for sure to show him that you’re stronger than he gives you credit for. Maybe plan the details of how you’ll move out all of your stuff if necessary. Involve a third party and inform a parent/friend about the possibility of you walking, and they could help you move out quickly and they could strengthen your resolve if you’re reluctant to go through with it. 

I’m glad to hear that you have a therapist, though. She can give you the best advice on this issue, but at least you know we feel for you and wish you the best.

Post # 16
Member
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am so sorry that you’re going through all of this. If this is something you are really serious about, I’d start getting things ready for the worst case scenario now, so if it does happen you’ll have less to stress about later. Start gathering things you don’t use often or clothing that is out of season, and get a small 5×5 storage unit to keep everything in. They’re generally about $60-$80 a month, depending on your area. Whether or not you choose to tell him, or how you explain it if you do, is entirely up to you. I don’t like having secrets, and it doesn’t sound like you do either, so you may find it’s just easier to tell him. It might also show him just how serious you are. If you don’t feel like telling him and he notices things are missing, you could also say you’ve been donating things that you don’t use anymore.

I really hope, for your sake, that he does propose soon, but it sounds like he’s leading you on πŸ™ **HUGS** keep us updated, please.

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