@AquaGrey8962: Hmmm…if you are wondering if someone has ruined your life they are really not the right person for you. You should never feel like your partner does not take your feelings into consideration and you are just along for the ride. I just feel sad to see you settle for that.
Do not confuse comfort, co-dependency, and fear for love and especially not for being the right person & relationship for you. Have you talked with your therapist about your relationship beyond the marriage issue?
Sometimes – not saying this IS you but just something to consider – I see women (and men) get so focused on an ideal, and on being proposed to (to feel “chosen” in a sense) to validate themselves and what they have “put into” the relationship that they don’t think about whether the other person and the relationship (and marriage) is really right for them and what they want.
Marriage will not change who he is or your relationship issues and dynamics. Think very carefully about whether you want to be with someone who does not communicate, blames you for his inaction, seems pretty emotionally immature, not on the same page as you, and that you need to apparently coddle and parent as he does not take responsibility for his own feelings and actions. I know I would not want that for myself and there truly are so many great, emotionally aware, communicative, loving and respectful men out there and I am sure in time you can meet one who ends up being just as eager to share a life with – and marry – you as you are with them.
It is hard to walk away after many years, and when you share a home together. I have so been there, and also had to leave a furry friend behind, but I will say I also felt a weight come off immediately when I put myself first again. New doors opened and some distance allowed me to realize I should never have to work so hard to be loved and wanted. I deserved to be loved and wanted just for being me. It was not long after I met my husband – a man who has never, not even one second, had me doubting or wondering what he was thinking…and with whom I have always felt so, so loved and wanted. Being together is easy and I only have to be me. We are in this togeher and equal partners – no one person “drives the bus”, this is our journeu together and my feelings are always heard, acknowledged and respected as are his. He IS the love of my life I am so fortunate & blessed, but it was not all luck that I met him, and married him, and have what I have with him. First I had to open my life to the opportunity and establish what I wanted and needed in a partner & relationship and work on myself (as my husband also was doing before we met).
Sorry this is getting long! I think it is time though that you thought of yourself and what you want and need. Based on what you have written I am not so sure that is being in a relationship, marriage or not, with this man. 6 years is a long time, but 6 years and one day is evdn longer. It may just be that this relationship has run its course and it was only ever meant to be what it has been. That does not make either of you bad or failures, or what you had a waste of time, it just means you are not right for each other and it was meant to be an experience to live and move on. I am glad you are seeing a therapist and perhaps you can explore this further with them.
If I have read all this wrong, I apologize but I just can really empathize.