(Closed) My holiday vent: Dad says gma can’t come to Christmas =(

• ejs4y8
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: June 2009

So, my Darling Husband and I are heading home to visit my parents the weekend of Dec 18. My grandma on my mom’s side is the only one alive. She’s in an assisted living home down there. She’s had a stroke and can’t walk well and it has caused her to forget her english and regress back to korean and japanese mostly. She understands english perfectly, but can’t speak it very well. My mom wanted to pick her up and bring her home that Sunday so we can all celebrate Christmas as a family (mom, dad, grandma, me and Darling Husband. that’s our little tiny family).

Well, my dad told my mom NO, her mom can’t come to Christmas! My grandma!!! Why?! So he can “spend more quality time with EJS and her husband”. I’m still pretty livid over the selfishness of this. Like her sitting there, observing Christmas with us all is some huge imposition. She’s not active–she just likes to be around us, ya know?

I told mom this is ridiculous and I won’t stand for it. It’s the opposite of being what family is. She says, “well, he’s said his peace, i’ve said mine, it is what it is”. Like no big deal. She says I can bring it up to him later, nonconfrontationally as long as we don’t get into a fight over this.

My mom also told me to put a “bug” in DH’s ear about spending Christmas next year with them because otherwise it’s not fair to them–we “have” to trade off holidays. She was kinda rude about this–just us would be allowed to come–none of the rest of our/his family. Frankly, if Christmas is going to be JUST the 4 of us, I don’t want to go. We eat, we open gifts, then we sit. That’s it. It’s not really “fun” like DH’s family, who plays games and drinks and has music and white elephant exchange and stuff like that. So, I told mom “we’ll see” because we will be trying soon and I might be in my third trimester by next December. She says I should come anyways. Um, sorry, I won’t be travelling 5 hours away in my 3rd trimester if I can help it. She doesn’t see the big deal in me flying or driving…really, we just kinda don’t want to go. Christmas is hard at my parents’ house since my brother died. I’d rather be somewhere entertaining, I hate to say. And i don’t want to be that far away from a real doctor and a real hospital, either!

Christmas vent over. The anti-family attitude is depressing. I’m not really looking forward to going home in 2.5 weeks =(

Wow that was SO LONG! Thanks for reading. I’ll tell Santa you don’t get coal this year =]

• ejs4y8
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: June 2009

Well, my mom used to be a CNA so my mom actually takes care of her. And by take care of her, I mean help her out of her wheelchair into a big chair in front of the tv and give her an insulin shot. She can feed herself and everything. She’s so quiet and sweet, too…it’s not like she’s an imposition at all.

It looks like we’ll have to make a trip to the nursing home on that Saturday–which I don’t get is any different than seeing her Sunday (except more insulting of course).

My mom indignantly stated that I could travel that far along and that she did when she had my brother. She also keeps encouraging us NOT to get pregnant so soon (even though my new obgyn, a fertility expert, says to do it NOW) so maybe she’s just being blind to the whole thing. Um, my healthcare only covers 60% out of network, so I will NOT be leaving St Louis!

It’s so petty….it makes me sad and mad at the same time =(

• ejs4y8
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: June 2009

@sulaii, my dad swears he won’t live to see a nursing home and when he does, he says he just wants us to let him chill and live our lives and not let him be an inconvenience. I swear, he’s just like that.

He is incredibly hard-headed. And I don’t want to make my mom sound like a pushover, but it’s sort of one of those traditional households where what the man says goes. She can bring it up as much as she wants, but if dad says no, that’s it, end of story.

I just can’t believe he’s being like this with my grandma! I mean, how much do I come home?!

@Corgi, yes, we’ve both decided that they’ll have to start coming to StL for Christmas (and staying with us–eeps) in order to get the “best of both worlds”. Not this year simply b/c mom is working. She *claims* she’ll be ready for Christmas by next year. She hasn’t been able to decorate the past 2 years without falling apart. We’ll probably end up hosting Christmas next year if that’s the case, because, unfortunately, some members of DH’s family think that in-laws shouldn’t be allowed at “our” family Christmas, so it kinda depends on who’s house the holidays are held at. Thankfully this is just a few who are ridiculous and everyone won’t let them host holidays because of their backass opinions and the whole “not making the spouses’s parents feel welcome” issue. Can you tell we’re already planning for snafus in the future? =)

And, knowing it’s Christmas, I’m sure i’ll get a sit-down from my mom and dad and they’ll have the Jesus talk with me. Which has become more and more prominent in the last year. Every time i see one of them, i get a God lecture and they get really in my face about what I believe and how I choose to worship. It’s really a HUGE turn off. Dad accuses me of being an Atheist for not doing things *his* way and mom cries about me being Saved….sigh.

The more I write, the more F*ed up it gets! But i feel better =]

• ejs4y8
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: June 2009

@Mrbee, that’s what my mom said. I just don’t get how my time will be that much more divided if my grandma is chilling on the couch during our family Christmas. 

Shoot, I’m surprised my husband was invited at this point.

I’m actually going home that Friday…and leaving Monday. We’ll be there all day Friday, all day Saturday, all day Sunday, and leaving after lunch on Monday. I’m pretty sure that’s all the time there I can handle before I’ll want to go home. I was going to drive home Thursday but I have a final that night.

I can bring the “fun” stuff over, but I don’t think they’ll want to participate.

• ejs4y8
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: June 2009

Yes, there is definitely no logic involved or reasoning with him. My dad can be pretty tunnel-vision about stuff.

If she can’t come over that Sunday we’ll go visit her Saturday morning. It’s just more awkward to visit at a nursing home and I feel like it will be obvious to her that she’s being left out because of my dad. She’s fully aware of how he is and she no likey.