(Closed) My Hubby didn't buy me a gift, disappointed and failed at a talk over it

posted 8 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 18
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

The same thing happened to me! I started a thread about it the day before my wedding because after a conversation we had, I knew he hadn’t done anything for me. I was disappointed, especially since we had directly discussed it, and he knows that gifts (especially the thought and effort that goes into gift-giving) is my “love language.” I haven’t brought it up at all since the wedding in June. Doing so now would only seem petty and wouldn’t help anything for either of us.

I’m going to bring it up a few months before our first anniversary and kind of give him a run-down of how it made me feel, and give him the opportunity to have a do-over 🙂

Post # 19
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t understand what about a wedding warrants a gift.  The wedding IS your gift! 

Post # 20
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Darling Husband and I didn’t have any money left to buy gifts like we wanted and I was so busy and preoccupied I didn’t think much about it until that morning I received a card and 2 dozen roses from Darling Husband. Do you think he was just busy and preoccupied with the wedding stuff and in his head had the idea that you weren’t exchanging gifts. Most men if you tell them you aren’t doing gifts, that is all they hear. You have to be very clear and since you will have many more holidays together don’t even tell him you aren’t exchanging gifts to surpirse him unless you are okay with not getting a gift in return.

Post # 21
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Hon, some men have thick, thick skulls when it comes to these types of things. I understand you are bummed out–I would be too–but I’ve learned that I’ve got a man with a thick skull and if I want something, I have to outright ask for it. Not particularly romantic, but it’s not fair to set up expectations for someone without them realizing it and then feeling miffed at them when they don’t achieve the expectations.

In your case, my response to Darling Husband would be to say it with a little humor “So I got nekkid in front of a perfect stranger for you and let them take pics. For you. This honeymoon’s gonna be awesome, especially because I can’t wait to see what you’re gonna be doing for moi…Better bring it to the waltz, my man.”

Post # 22
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@fivemonthsnotice:  The drama and BS has got to be what brings you together, not what drives you apart.  Your husband and you are a team now (and should have been since you’ve been together) and you should weather these storms as a team. You should be looking back at how your husband helped pull you together when you felt like you were falling apart, and how he calmed you when you felt like you were going to lose your marbles.  Sit back, relax, and try to focus on those things, instead of letting a material item (or lack thereof) drive you apart.

Post # 23
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

You shouldn’t demand to be given a gift, nor should you get upset that one was not given. You say you made up a song and a scrapbook for him well that’s ok because it’s something you wanted to do. He didn’t have to do anything other than show up and say I do. Gifts are not what’s important. And you should know him well enough to know that he wouldn’t do the same. 

The guy was under enough pressure as it was and if you are going to hold this grudge against him thoughout your marriage when he hasnt done anything wrong then you are just being a bit of a post wedding bridezilla. Forget about it and enjoy this time with your new husband.

 

Post # 24
Member
9028 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

we didnt get each other gifts for our wedding. before I came on weddingbee I didnt even know that people gave gifts to each other on their wedding day. if you guys agreed to get each other gifts and then he forgot that is kind of not fair to you but at the same time, its not one of those things that people just know is expected

Post # 25
Member
15015 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

You telling him you’re ‘surprising’ him with a gift (which, isnt really a surprise anymore if you told him, right?) does not equal “you should get me a gift”.  If there’s anything I’ve learned from my husband is that hints dont work and dont get mad if he doesnt get a hint.  If you truely want something done, just tell him straight up… dont beat around the bush and hope he’ll get it.  Otherwise, if you had previously said that you guys werent doign gifts, thats what he will remember.

Post # 26
Member
9970 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@fivemonthsnotice:   I hope you can turn your downward spiral back upwards again soon, or you’re in for an unhappy ride.  You both deserve better.  Try to focus on the joy of your love and the fact that you just got married.  Your wedding was lovely, I saw the recap.  You’re missing out on the good stuff because you’re nit-picking over the bad. 

Life is a choice.  You choose to look at the glass half-full or half-empty. 

Couldn’t things be way worse?  Remember your ex? 

Appreciate the gift of HIM you have now –  your new husband.  He is your gift.

((Hug))

Post # 27
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

I understand your frustration– but I think you should let it go. You just got married, trust me, you’ve got a lifetime together, and I bet there’ll be lots of gifts in your future. Joke about it a little… tell he can make up for it in a year for your first anniversary.

Post # 28
Member
5282 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

View original reply
@HawaiiBamaBride:  Word! 

How about this – since it seems like you have been focused on all the negative from the wedding, and not enjoying married life these past few weeks, how about you plan a romantic night in & the two of you can watch your wedding video for the first time together! How about you two write each other a letter talking about your first month as a married couple together and the plans you have for each other within the first year of marriage (now you will have to tell him that you will both be writing these letters, and be sure NOT to mention the wedding letter, let him make it up to you b/c he didn’t even know you wanted one to begin with.)

Then you can play your first dance song, drink wine, and just cheers to your first month as a married couple. 🙂  

Post # 29
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

It’s really easy to get upset over something like this- I get twangs of bitterness sometimes when I think of little things like this, but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter. Giving each other gifts before/at the wedding is done with some people, and not with others. I’m getting my Fiance a little trinket that his best man is going to give him before the ceremony, but I’m not  going to resent him if I don’t get anything. 

My Fiance is an incredibly sweet and thoughtful guy, but just like any guy he can be a bit dense when it comes to hints or these kinds of things. He spends so much time as it is doing his best to take care of me and let me know I’m loved, which I’m sure your husband does, that I’ve learned to let the little annoyances like that go. 

Don’t let something this small put ugliness on your memories of what I’m sure what an incredible day. Since it’s bothering you this much, mention it again to him and let him know you love him and you’d like him to do something special for you as a post-wedding present. 

Post # 30
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I don’t think men think that way. Had something similar going on with my partner (getting each other gifts) and he got me really upset and feeling unromantic when he said “I don’t get it. What’s yours is mine”.

So I got myself a huge “shared” honeymoon gift with his money (spa at honeymoon, eating out at Michelin winning restaurants) to congratulate myself for committing, haha. He hasn’t complained about it, so it feels pretty justified!

Post # 31
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Look on the bright side: one less thank you note to write!  🙂 

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