Post # 17
You are right!!! SO much went wrong…H and I are shocked and hurt over a lot of things..I ahven’t even posted all of it.
Honestly, I was really excited to watch my wedding video today…my friend sent me the link…and there is the minister calling one of my new niece’s my daughter…my BFF who tried her hardest to not choke up while playing the flute as iwalked down the aisle to see actuall ya good friend of ours (or so I thought) SCOWLING on camera and you can practically read her lips when my friend goofed up and missed some notes…
Anyway. You are right. My H is kinda a wall about this stuff. I have no one to talk to about these things as just timing..best friend is handling her own crap, other friend is newly single with a breakup, other out of town right now…H doesnt want to talk…
I feel super alone with my feelings and yes, should absolutely be thinking about the positives. Right now it s all the negatives outweighing the day and my H has been super grumpy about his mom still and says he HATES her that she missed the ceremony.
Its pretty bad around here .
Post # 18
The same thing happened to me! I started a thread about it the day before my wedding because after a conversation we had, I knew he hadn’t done anything for me. I was disappointed, especially since we had directly discussed it, and he knows that gifts (especially the thought and effort that goes into gift-giving) is my “love language.” I haven’t brought it up at all since the wedding in June. Doing so now would only seem petty and wouldn’t help anything for either of us.
I’m going to bring it up a few months before our first anniversary and kind of give him a run-down of how it made me feel, and give him the opportunity to have a do-over 🙂
Post # 19
I don’t understand what about a wedding warrants a gift. The wedding IS your gift!
Post # 20
Darling Husband and I didn’t have any money left to buy gifts like we wanted and I was so busy and preoccupied I didn’t think much about it until that morning I received a card and 2 dozen roses from Darling Husband. Do you think he was just busy and preoccupied with the wedding stuff and in his head had the idea that you weren’t exchanging gifts. Most men if you tell them you aren’t doing gifts, that is all they hear. You have to be very clear and since you will have many more holidays together don’t even tell him you aren’t exchanging gifts to surpirse him unless you are okay with not getting a gift in return.
Post # 21
Hon, some men have thick, thick skulls when it comes to these types of things. I understand you are bummed out–I would be too–but I’ve learned that I’ve got a man with a thick skull and if I want something, I have to outright ask for it. Not particularly romantic, but it’s not fair to set up expectations for someone without them realizing it and then feeling miffed at them when they don’t achieve the expectations.
In your case, my response to Darling Husband would be to say it with a little humor “So I got nekkid in front of a perfect stranger for you and let them take pics. For you. This honeymoon’s gonna be awesome, especially because I can’t wait to see what you’re gonna be doing for moi…Better bring it to the waltz, my man.”
Post # 22
The drama and BS has got to be what brings you together,
not what drives you apart. Your husband and you are a team now (and should have been since you’ve been together) and you should weather these storms as a team. You should be looking back at how your husband helped pull you together when you felt like you were falling apart, and how he calmed you when you felt like you were going to lose your marbles. Sit back, relax, and try to focus on those things, instead of letting a material item (or lack thereof) drive you apart.
Post # 23
You shouldn’t demand to be given a gift, nor should you get upset that one was not given. You say you made up a song and a scrapbook for him well that’s ok because it’s something you wanted to do. He didn’t have to do anything other than show up and say I do. Gifts are not what’s important. And you should know him well enough to know that he wouldn’t do the same.
The guy was under enough pressure as it was and if you are going to hold this grudge against him thoughout your marriage when he hasnt done anything wrong then you are just being a bit of a post wedding bridezilla. Forget about it and enjoy this time with your new husband.
Post # 24
we didnt get each other gifts for our wedding. before I came on weddingbee I didnt even know that people gave gifts to each other on their wedding day. if you guys agreed to get each other gifts and then he forgot that is kind of not fair to you but at the same time, its not one of those things that people just know is expected
Post # 25
You telling him you’re ‘surprising’ him with a gift (which, isnt really a surprise anymore if you told him, right?) does not equal “you should get me a gift”. If there’s anything I’ve learned from my husband is that hints dont work and dont get mad if he doesnt get a hint. If you truely want something done, just tell him straight up… dont beat around the bush and hope he’ll get it. Otherwise, if you had previously said that you guys werent doign gifts, thats what he will remember.
Post # 26
@fivemonthsnotice: I hope you can turn your downward spiral back upwards again soon, or you’re in for an unhappy ride. You both deserve better. Try to focus on the joy of your love and the fact that you just got married. Your wedding was lovely, I saw the recap. You’re missing out on the good stuff because you’re nit-picking over the bad.
Life is a choice. You choose to look at the glass half-full or half-empty.
Couldn’t things be way worse? Remember your ex?
Appreciate the gift of HIM you have now – your new husband. He is your gift.
Post # 27
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
I understand your frustration– but I think you should let it go. You just got married, trust me, you’ve got a lifetime together, and I bet there’ll be lots of gifts in your future. Joke about it a little… tell he can make up for it in a year for your first anniversary.
Post # 28
How about this – since it seems like you have been focused on all the negative from the wedding, and not enjoying married life these past few weeks, how about you plan a romantic night in & the two of you can watch your wedding video for the first time together! How about you two write each other a letter talking about your first month as a married couple together and the plans you have for each other within the first year of marriage (now you will have to tell him that you will both be writing these letters, and be sure NOT to mention the wedding letter, let him make it up to you b/c he didn’t even know you wanted one to begin with.)
Then you can play your first dance song, drink wine, and just cheers to your first month as a married couple. 🙂
Post # 29
It’s really easy to get upset over something like this- I get twangs of bitterness sometimes when I think of little things like this, but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter. Giving each other gifts before/at the wedding is done with some people, and not with others. I’m getting my Fiance a little trinket that his best man is going to give him before the ceremony, but I’m not going to resent him if I don’t get anything.
My Fiance is an incredibly sweet and thoughtful guy, but just like any guy he can be a bit dense when it comes to hints or these kinds of things. He spends so much time as it is doing his best to take care of me and let me know I’m loved, which I’m sure your husband does, that I’ve learned to let the little annoyances like that go.
Don’t let something this small put ugliness on your memories of what I’m sure what an incredible day. Since it’s bothering you this much, mention it again to him and let him know you love him and you’d like him to do something special for you as a post-wedding present.
Post # 30
I don’t think men think that way. Had something similar going on with my partner (getting each other gifts) and he got me really upset and feeling unromantic when he said “I don’t get it. What’s yours is mine”.
So I got myself a huge “shared” honeymoon gift with his money (spa at honeymoon, eating out at Michelin winning restaurants) to congratulate myself for committing, haha. He hasn’t complained about it, so it feels pretty justified!
Post # 31
Look on the bright side: one less thank you note to write! 🙂