(Closed) My husband and tattoos don't mix.. How do I deal with this? LONG

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 1
Member
3226 posts
Sugar bee

Good evening everyone! I need some insight on how to deal with this situation in the best possible way.

When my husband and I met I already had 7 tattoos. Most of them were small and hidden most of the time except for the one on my ankle (a butterfly about 1 1/4″ large) and the barbed wire around my arm (similar to Pamela Anderson’s tattoo). I’ve always liked the art of tattoos. I got my first one when I was 18 and don’t regret any. Except for my ex-husband’s name (which is now covered with pretty flowers). Ever since I was maybe around 21 I liked the idea of getting a sleeve just on one arm. I still sort of have that desire but maybe not a full sleeve, just maybe some scattered tattoos here and there on that same arm. I just love tattoos. 

My husband only has 1 tattoo. He has his mother’s name on his chest, it’s not very large and hidden unless he’s not wearing a shirt of course. He really dislikes tattoos. For the most part he thinks they are trashy and the fact that everyone has tattoos now (especially women) it turns him off even more (he likes to go against the grain). He hates talking about tattoos, he doesn’t care to see them and always talks bad about people with tattoos. It is rare he will like one.

While married to him I ended up adding to my arm tattoo. It was a large piece (about 1/4 sleeve). I didn’t want to necessarily cover up my barbed wire but instead make it a tattoo that had more meaning ( I think more about tattoos now then I did when I was younger). He didn’t like the idea. He would have preferred I get it removed entirely because he felt it was the best thing for me in the long run. I on the other hand thought it would be the worst thing in the long run. Why? Because #1 . Sometimes when tattoos are removed there is a scar left (which would make me want to cover it with a tattoo anyways)

#2. I might miss the fact of having a tattoo there since I had it for years and would end up getting tattooed again.

#3. I would still have the urge to fill up my arm like I have always wanted so why waste so much money for removal.

Well he relunctantly agreed and said “Ok if that’s what you want”. Of course when he saw it finished he smiled and liked the design but still I know they are not his cup of tea.

Anyway well as you can figure out I want another. My grandmother passed away and I want to dedicate a tattoo to her as she meant a lot to me. The new tattoo won’t be that small. It will be fairly large but not as large as my 1/4 sleeve. I don’t have many places I would consider getting another (no back tattoos as I like to admire my art & no leg or ankle tattoos as I don’t like them for myself). This tattoo will most likely be under my 1/4 sleeve or my outer forearm (which will then be very visible at all times). I have decided if I go that route it can be covered with long sleeves and no I won’t mind wearing them daily if need be. At the job I currently have tattoos can be visible.

I guess you can say I am the black sheep of the family. Neither one of my parents had tattoos and really nobody in my family either. They are definitely looked at as trashy and unattractive in my family on both sides. But I can’t help it. I just love them and I love getting them done. Now yes we have children. While I do think one day they will ask or be influenced to get one, I don’t think it’s a big deal. My parents and family didn’t have any, I have a lot now. Some people have parents with tattoos and just don’t like them. What can I say? My mother does not want me to get anymore as she thinks it will upset my husband and says “You are a mother now. You shouldn’t get more”.

So what do I do? I do respect my husband but at the same time if one day we get divorced am I going to regret not living my life the way I wanted? I mean when he married me I had lots of tattoos already. Sure they were’nt that visible but did he honestly think I would not get anymore?

Should I or should I not get another? Any advise is welcome. Sorry this turned out to be so long.

**FYI I am 31 years old, going on 6 years of marriage and we have 2 small children together if case that makes a difference**

 

 

 

 

 

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Post # 3
Member
3551 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I can see both sides. It’s your body and you should do what you want with it, but you and your husband are life partners and permanent decisions should be discussed and, ideally, made together. Ultimately I think if your husband is really supportive in his love for you he should want you to do what makes you happy without judging you.

Also your mother has no point in saying you shouldn’t get more tattoos because you’re a mom now. My mother got her first tattoo when I was in highschool. As her kid did I think she was a bit crazy to get a tattoo for her 45th birthday? Yes, but I think she picked a really pretty design and it was her choice, her body (In fact while MOB dress shopping I told her she should get it touched up because it was fading :P). Did my mother getting tattooed cause me to run out and get one? No, I’ve thought about getting a tattoo, but according to my allergist the likelihood that I am allergic to tattoo ink is high so that is probably permanently off the table for me.

Post # 4
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee

He is entitled to his opinion, but it is your body. As long as you dont get your face tattood, i dont see any problems with it. I dont think you should consider not getting them because your husband does not like them. Its like getting a haircut or dying your hair- its your decision. If you like tatoos and want more than get them. Tell your husband you respect his opinion, but you like them so you are getting more. 

 

Post # 5
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee

@JustLove25:  

I have to start off by saying that I don’t like tattoos at all, so my advice is biased and you can take this for what it’s worth. But I think you should listen to your husband. If he really, really wanted to dye one little clump of his hair orange and purple and wear one tiny little dot of sparkly green eyeshadow on the tip of his nose, how would you feel? Would you agree with him if he told you it’s only a small thing?

I also would think about how an armful of tattoos would affect your ability to be considered for jobs. I don’t know what sort of education you have or what your career goals are (if any), but tatoos are generally not considered an asset in white collar settings.

I know you don’t think it’s a big deal to get one more little tattoo, but I’m just raising some points you might want to consider… or not.

Good luck with whatever you decide. 

Post # 6
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I feel like even though he deosn’t agree with tattoos he still fell in love with you for who you are. That’s special. 

He went in knowing you were tattooed but obviously felt they were tasteful enough for him. However, during the time he’s known you you have given yourself more and larger more obvious tattoos and he still was ok with it, (of course, he loves you) but at what point do you say to yourself, “my guy hates tattoos but loves me anyway, he has been patient with my wanting more and has accepted me for who I am but maybe I should respect that he doesn’t like heavily tattooed women and stop now”

I really believe that respect and tolerance goes both ways and you need to show some as well.. after all, not all men are that accepting of something they hate!

Post # 7
Member
11735 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@JustLove25:  ultimately, your body your choice.

though, I just read something about a possible link between tattoos and cancer. 

Post # 8
Member
1456 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I wouldn’t do it, but it sounds like your mind is made up. I don’t know how I’d feel adding something to my body that I know 100% my husband doesn’t like, and that society judges you (positively or negatively) for.

Then again, I don’t really “get” tattoos, and I do think they negatively impact your chances of getting hired in a professional setting if you have any visible ones.

Isn’t there another way to commemorate your grandmother? Why don’t you take your tattoo sketch to a professional artist, and have them re-create it as a beautiful painting you can frame and put in your house?

Post # 9
Member
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

View original reply
@MrsWBS:  Here is an article that came up for me when I searched:

http://www.environmentalhealthnews.org/ehs/news/2011/tattoo-inks-face-scrutiny

Although, I’m fairly certain that there are links between breathing and cancer, so these days I tend to take these warnings with a grain of salt. If you live long enough, you’ll get cancer.

View original reply
@JustLove25:  OP, in the end it is your body, and therefore your decision. My Fiance dislikes tattoos as well, and although I have a couple, I will not get any more because I’m ok with what I’ve got and he’s just not into them.

Post # 10
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@JustLove25:  Well, when he met you, you already had them. They don’t make you a different person! I think it’s unfair for anyone to dictate whether you should or shouldn’t get any more/have them removed unless YOU yourself don’t like the tattoos anymore.

It is ultimately something where you’re going to have to figure out a middle ground.

Post # 11
Member
3208 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

My first instinct is your body, your decision. However, if I were you, I wouldn’t do it. Relationships are give and take, and I’m sure there are some things your husband would like to do that you have an aversion to, so he doesn’t do it. For the most part, while I think the principles reason supports getting the tattoo, I’d personally feel uncomfortable doing something knowing that my FH finds it repulsive.

 

Post # 12
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@JustLove25:  I am not a fan of tattoos, especially visible tattoos on women myself.  I think it’s trashy and unfeminine.  HOWEVER, it’s your body and if you want to cover it with art then you shouldn’t have to get your husband’s permission.  He knew you had tattoos when he married you and typically someone with more than one or two tattoos is probably going to be into getting more tattoos because they like geting tattoos.  Since he clearly hates them, maybe you can figure out a way to get a smaller tribute tattoo for now that you can add to later.  I find it hard to believe he would divorce you over tattoos alone, unless there are other communication issues in your marriage.

Post # 13
Member
8481 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

I love tattoos, so I’d do it. I mean, is one more little tattoo really that big of a deal when you already have so many? If he can fall in love with you with you having them, he can stay in love with you if you have one more.

Post # 14
Member
1540 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Fiance doesn’t like tattoos, but I got one. When I got one, his mom didn’t talk to me for 3 months and I wasn’t aloud at their house (where Fiance lived at the time). I still cover it up when possible when they’re around. It was a HUGE headache. Even though Fiance didn’t like them, he still stood up for me when it came to talking to his mom. (this was 5 years ago)

I don’t regret my tattoo at all.

But on the other hand….I don’t feel like doing all that shit again, especially because Fiance doesn’t like them.

I guess it depends on how badly you want one

Post # 15
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would not get a tattoo without SO’s approval.

Post # 16
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Although its your body and you have every right to do what you want with it, I would respect your husbands opinion. He is your husband and should have a say in your permanent decisions. He also has to look at it every day.

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