My husband continues to say he will do stuff but not follow through.

posted 3 months ago in Married Life
Post # 31
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee

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Mermaidmimmyof3 :  

Woah.  I didn’t see these last couple updates until now.  You have now mentioned several things that he does and they’re not just little things.  He does all the cooking and the grocery shopping and the yard work?  Why not focus on the jobs each of you are more comfortable doing and split up responsibilities by category instead of down the middle?  It sounds like laundry isn’t his thing.  But doing the cooking is.  I think you are going about this the wrong way.  He shouldn’t leave personal messes around like a child. That’s disrespectful.  But why are you assigning him chores, like you’re his mother, if he is pitching in on his own in other ways?  Do you both hate doing laundry?  Then take it to a laundry service.  My in-laws do.  They both hate doing laundry.  But you acted like this guy does nothing in the beginning of this thread and, nope.  That’s not a nothing list.  Also, no matter what the marital problem, resorting to yelling and name calling is destructive and will destroy your marriage.  You need to find a way to communicate calmly, no talking down to him like a child, even if it’s your in the moment opinion that he’s acting like one.  Has it occurred to you that you talking down to him like this is actually immature on your part (unintentionally)?  You want a good marriage and you want help with things.  But he is helping.  Maybe you two could discuss dividing responsibilities a little differently that works better for you.  But remember, you’re only half of this relationship.  The marriage can’t be dictated by one half of the relationship.  And him rolling his eyes at you, that’s immature for certain.  But be real, maybe he’s irritated about you following him around and telling him what to do.  In his shoes, I would be seriously irritated and I would address it.  Not with an eyeroll, but with a conversation about respect and acknowledgement of what he IS doing. 

Post # 32
Member
3319 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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SmartCookie1 :  this 1000% STOP DOING HIS LAUNDRY ETC.,  COOKING, whatever.  Some people learn only from EXAMPLE. I will NOT babysit a grown man.  Stop being a doormat.

Post # 33
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

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Mermaidmimmyof3 :  

whaaa?

In your OP you made it sound like he doesn’t do anything at all. 2 pages of advice later, it turns out that he does “all the cooking, grocery shopping, yardwork, etc…” ??? And yet you tell him he’s worse than the kids. 

He IS doing a big chunk of the housework. Why do you feel that you’re doing everything yourself? He’s getting snappy at you because he knows that you don’t appreciate what he already does. 

 

If you’re still doing a disproportionate share of the housework, that’s a different story, but between your OP and update, it sounds like you’re dismissing his contributions as nonexistent. That is probably leading to a lot of tension 

Post # 34
Member
621 posts
Busy bee

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Mermaidmimmyof3 :  Your husband is a grown ass man not a child – he needs to get off his lazy butt, step the f up and do his chores & the fact that he is being super rude to you about it is even worse. Just do your share of dishes & let his sit there, wash your laundry & again…let his sit there in a wet big old heaping pile. Maybe then he’ll learn to contribute if not well then i would just continue doing this until he learns he needs to do his share of the work too not just have you do every single thing. 

Post # 35
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee

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laceyjoxo :  

Did you read her update where she mentions his actually extensive contributions as if it were nothing?  He does all the cooking.  I hope he wouldn’t stop cooking for op and insist she cook for herself.

Post # 36
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2021

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Mermaidmimmyof3 :  the more you nag him, the more he will repel.  He is wrong — I’m with you, but he will not respond to your constant reminders.  He knows what he has to do and will do it on his time or not at all.  That is his way.  Why?  Who knows?  But I really don’t think this is an attack on you personally or that he is trying to hurt you. He most definitely has a problem.  You have a certain personality and so does he.  One thing I know for sure, you’ll be headed for divorce if you both don’t get couple’s counseling.  Try meanwhile, to take it easy.  So, if the laundry isn’t done, leave it.  Take your stuff, wash and dry and leave his stuff there to pile up. When he runs out of socks and underwear or his favorite t-shirt has been in the laundry room for three months, he’ll wash it.  Tell him he is responsible for his own clothes and his own messes, that you won’t nag him anymore, but that you will not clean up after him anymore.  Tell him you both have an issue that must be confronted with counseling.  He’ll probably refuse.  So you move ahead and get counseling for yourself and be guided as to how to deal with it so that you won’t freak out and continue to be hurt.  Be strong, get help and stop sweating it.  It’s time for outreach and nagging and his ignoring and dismissing you isn’t the answer. Otherwise you both will lose each other.

Post # 37
Member
621 posts
Busy bee

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gimmepretty :  I ended up seeing it after i had already commented. 

Post # 38
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee

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laceyjoxo :  

Game changing isn’t it?  Interesting how she didn’t lead with that information.  And now I think she left because when she shared that our feedback changed.  I hope she and her husband can fix their marriage.  I think honesty on her part would be the first step.  Smh.

Post # 40
Member
3646 posts
Sugar bee

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Mermaidmimmyof3 :  He makes me coffee everyday, does all the cooking, grocery shopping, yard work, etc…

wait.  So he does all of that and you are complaining?  I’m confused.

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