(Closed) My husband drags me down

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Sounds like there’s a lot more to this than just the driving issue, it also sounds like you know what you want. Who needs to be married to a 42 yo man child…

Post # 32
2179 posts
Buzzing bee

You should get counseling for yourself, to work through your feelings and figure out a way to be happy. You don’t have to live like this forever. Good luck, bee.

Post # 33
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I don’t personally have my drivers license. I have anxiety disorder and feel like I would be a danger to other drivers on the road. I also have a bus pass and am not afraid to call a cab if I need to. 

Post # 34
2019 posts
Buzzing bee

Why did you leave vacation? If you’re the only one who can drive I would have told him to either stay and hang out or take off by himself. It sounds like he’s a bit of a jerk, but you’re letting him call all the shots and dictate your life. Don’t drive him when you don’t want to and don’t let him ruin a vacay over a little bad weather. 

Post # 35
1253 posts
Bumble bee

witchypoopoo :  You stop driving him, period. And if he has something to whine about tell him you’re his wife not his personal driver.

Post # 36
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Sounds like you are really done with this guy.  Why not consider divorce?  I’d say go to counseling first – either as a couple of individually.  You’ll want to make sure that 1) you are making the right choice for you, and 2) you’ll understand what needs to change so that if you choose another parter you’ll have a better chance at creating a happy relationship.

It’s never too late to start over.  Each relationship is a learning expereince, even if it doesn’t last until one of you dies.

Post # 37
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’d drive him one last time…to the DMV.  I can understand people having anxieties over driving…but it doesn’t sound like your husband has any issues, he’s just lazy. As soon as he belittled me for MY driving, he’d be on the side of the road. 

Also, I was in Atlantic City, NJ for the weekend, and the weather was beautiful…sucks that you missed out on the trip because of him.  He honestly sounds like a piece of work. 

Post # 38
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

witchypoopoo :  set aside a monthly transit budget for him (out of his own salary)

he gets x number of dollars to take the bus, train, cabs… when it’s gone it’s gone and he can walk or ride a bike.

or you know, put on his big boy undies and get his license

Post # 39
943 posts
Busy bee

I understand your pain. I was in a similar situation two years ago with an ex who was much happier getting taxis and hitching rides on others’ cars…when we started dating I asked him why did he not want to get a license so that everything is so much more convenient (imagine having to follow someone’s schedule on our dates and leaving early because the driver had to work the next day!). 

(my parents were against me driving where we lived at that time but I had my driving license, just no car)

He said he was lazy to go get a license and would rather stay the same way. :s

Post # 40
5038 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

You are fully capable of saying “no”.  If you feel you owe him because he contributes to the cost of the car and insurance then find a way to afford it yourself.  This is so much more than him not wanting to get his drivers license.  Not even a year into marriage and you are telling us that he “belittles and bullies” you and clearly you feel used.

Post # 41
1272 posts
Bumble bee

Wait, he only pays half the insurance and car payment and yet expects you to drive him everywhere? He should be paying for all of it, or else paying you for your time if you’re required to drive his lazy butt all over town. I would charge him the going rate of uber, or tell him to get his own damn license.

Post # 42
6635 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

If you are still in this relationship, stop babying him.  If he doesn’t get up, leave without him (make your plans including times the day before so he knows). Drive him to the dmv but nowhere else, not even work. Arrange for counseling because neither of you appears to respect the other.  Learn to talk without fighting and hounding each other. 

My guess is the wedding was a mistake but you’re in it now. If he’ll stop being lazy and more like a partner you might be able to save it. You must have liked him once.

For what its worth to other posters, there was supposed to be some very heavy weather… My folks were placed right in the middle of it in Delaware and that report was dead wrong. That incident I’d forgive him for. Beach + tropical storm is just stupid.

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