Post # 1
How do I react to this? My husband brought up an idea for a a piece of jewelry a couple months ago. He wanted to get it made. It was a really sweet idea because the idea was something meaningful to us. I told him I loved the idea but realistically i would not like a piece of jewelry in that shape/color. I was very clear with this on multiple occasions. I said things like “The idea is sweet but I would not like that” and “that kind of thing is just not my style. When I see similar ones on people, I don’t think they look very good. I don’t see myself wearing that.”
Then i saw a CAD mock up in his email (over his shoulder). I said that I did not want it made, that I didn’t like it, that again the idea was thoughtful but I was clear: “I don’t like it, don’t go ahead with this.”
So…he obviously went ahead and had it made, because he gave it to me today.
I don’t hate it. It’s not ugly. If he had done it totally as a surprise, I would have been so touched by the thoughtfulness and sweetness of it that I would have been happy with it, even though I don’t really like it that much. It’s the kind of thing that I could see how he would think that I would like it, if he hadn’t asked.
But I feel upset by how he ignored what I said. He spent a lot of money on this non returnable custom made thing, after I very clearly told him I would not like it. Is this a situation where I should graciously smile and just wear it occasionally? Would I be wrong to tell him how upset I am? Do I have good reason to be upset, or am I being a little overly sensitive?
Post # 2
I think you’re being overly sensitive. Wear the necklace. Be grateful your husband wants to do this for you.
Also, can I see it?
Post # 3
Say thank you and wear it if you like. Then discuss how you felt your feelings were ignored. He (probably, hopefully) was so excited to get you this necklace that he inadvertently turned a deaf ear. You should express concern about communication and wasting money because of it.
Post # 4
Would love to see it. Just thank him & be grateful that your husband loves you so much.
Post # 5
Did he think you were doing that awkward lady thing of “oh no don’t get me anything” when you really mean “buy me all the things”
Post # 6
Truthfully, just be thankful. I don’t think you not liking it is that big of a deal… At the very least who is gonna care anyway? You telling anyone that your husband had it custom made for you will have them oooing and ahhhing over it thinking he is so sweet to you anyway regardless of if it’s ugly or not…. I’d be happy. He more than likely thought he was doing a really nice thing and that you were just being modest for “price reasons” or whatever and went ahead having it made for you hoping to make you smile… So smile… He did a nice thing.
Post # 7
This. Seriously, he did something nice for you. Wear the necklace at least occasionally, as you would if your child made you a necklace out of macaroni. My SO is notorious for buying me things he thinks I’d like, and sometimes it’s a swing and a miss. However, I know that the thought was genuine, so I’m appreciative.
Post # 8
I’m not a fan of giving negative reinforcement (telling him he did something wrong) for positive behavior (gifting jewelry). Next time, instead of just trying to crush the idea, give constructive criticism – gee, that’s kind of nice, but it would be so much prettier with _____ (whatever you would want more, like gold color, different stones, a more geometric pattern, a more flowing design, daintier, bolder, etc.). Ultimately, I think that once you realized he was kind of stuck on this idea, you could have guided him toward designing something more to your liking instead of trying to put the kabosh on it entirely. So I say smile and wear it now and then, and do a different form of encouraging next time.
Post # 9
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Post # 10
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Post # 11
I don’t know, I kind of disagree with the other bees. If I told my husband I didn’t like something and didn’t want it made and he went ahead and did it anyway I would be a little annoyed. It’s different than if he just surprised you with something and you ended up not liking it. You told him straight out that you didn’t like it or want it. Seems weird that he did it anyway. I would definitely talk to him about it and ask what made him go ahead with it after you told him not to.
Post # 12
I don’t understand how this is a wtf moment. She told him she didn’t like it and didn’t want it!
I think it’s more wtf that he disregarded her opinion about a gift meant for her.
Post # 13
Thank you for the feedback. It’s not about the fact that I don’t like it much. It’s about the fact that I told him repeatedly ahead of time that I wouldn’t like it, and he went ahead anyway. Isn’t that kind of a strange, pushy kind of thing to do?
Post # 14
I’m in the minority, but I’d be a little put off if I told my husband multiple times that I didn’t like or didn’t want something and he got it anyway. At that point, he disregarded your feelings and got it because HE wanted it. I’m of the mindset that if you give someone a gift, it should be with their interests in mind, not your own. I wouldn’t be rude about it, but I wouldn’t wear it.
Post # 15
I completely see where you are coming from. I’m sure his intentions were good, but I don’t blame you for being put off. I would never buy my husband something he specifically told me that he doesn’t like or want.
Like I said, this is totally different than it he surprised you with something and you you ended up not liking it. In that case I would advise you to say thank you and move on. This is different.