- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
This thread has gotten crazy, I wish OP would come back and tell us more about whether this behavior is unusual for her husband, or what her reaction was when he gave it to her/what he said to justify it.
I can’t continue this anymore…you are 100% grasping at straws with your logic here and I think you know it.
I completely agree that getting someone a gift that they don’t like or don’t want is not cool. I wouldn’t spend a bunch of our money to buy my husband a snowboard because HE DOESNT LIKE SNOWBOARDING. He’s a skier. I would get him ski stuff.
Thanks for the comments. To answer some questions:
No, my husband does not usually dismiss my feelings and it is not a pattern of behavior for him to ignore what I say. (…his mom, on the other hand, does that to HIM all the time).
When he gave me the present, i said thank you and commented on one aspect of it that I like. He asked if I love it and I said I like it. I am wearing it today and it’s growing on me. Like I said, if it were a surprise I would feel differently.
I am not a demure kind of person. I’m direct and I was not acting like I was pretending not to like it because of the cost. I suggested other things for my birthday.
He bought it with his personal account, not a joint account.
Would you still buy it for him? Why or why not?
Don’t make a big deal and turn a nice gesture on his behalf into something negative. He will feel bad and so will you. Wear it occasionally and give him a kiss and say thank you. If he feels burned on this one, he may think twice on nice gestures towards you in the future. Its ugly jewelry, not cyanide….no need to have a deep and meaningful over it or fixate on it in your head!
He was grateful I gave him a gift because he loves me. He never complains about it or brings it up. It was not worth an argument. I also was not upset he did not wear it. It was a gift, a gesture, nothing more. We have a wonderfully happy relationship, and it was literally nothing. People make mistakes, but a gift is nothing to fuss about in my opinion. I can’t speak for her DH, but I totally spaced about what he said, saw something I thought would look good on him and bought it. If DH custom made me a necklace/watch I would wear it, even if it was totally ugly to me and I told him so when he was making it. Because the person and thought behind it would be beautiful to me. I know everyone would not agree and that is ok. But, I just stated what I truly believe. I don’t think OP’s husband custome made a necklace out of hate or anger; I think he meant well, but OP and her DH would know better.
The example you gave about your husband is totally different than what the OP described. You didn’t show your husband the watch before purchasing it and he said “I hate that” and you went ahead and bought it for him anyway. Your intentions were in the right place when you bought the watch…you really thought he would like it.
I’ve received things I didn’t like from my fiance too (mostly clothing), and I love those gifts, because I knew he THOUGHT I would like them. I wore the items a few times and then quietly shuffled them to the back of the closet…just as he’s done when I’ve missed the mark with his gifts.
The issue isn’t buying someone a gift they don’t like. It’s knowingly, willfully buying someone a gift they don’t like.
bebelicious1 : I don’t think you are understanding what tiffanybruiser : is saying. It’s not about the gift itself: how it was purchased, why it was purchased, what it looked liked, how much it cost etc. It was about her husband doing something after she specifically told him not to. The OP stated that it’s not a normal occurance for him, but that his mom does that to him. Maybe he is learning this behavior from his mom and that’s something the OP should lookout for.
This is all a bit crazy. It’s a necklace. Yes, he should have listened. But its a necklace. It’s not a life altering decision. If this not listening is a common theme of the marriage, maybe there is a problem, but I don’t have that sort of insight into this marriage and as far as I know, it’s just a necklace. I have told my fiance I would prefer different gifts only to have that ignored, and its a little irritating, but he always just looks so excited, and I know he was just so carried away with his somewhat misguided attempt at making me happy that I could never feel anything other than loved. And to tell the truth, I’m pretty sure I’ve been guilty of it too. Something tells me I was more enthused about the pacman cufflinks I gave him then he was. He thanked me, and from time to time he even wears them.
You have no obligation to feel grateful for any male’s act, regardless of relationship, that is unwanted. You thoughtfully expressed your opinion, he ignored you and went through with it.
If he likes it so much, tell him to wear it.
That would annoy me. People don’t get a pass on ignoring someone’s wishes just because they’re giving a gift.
Fiance did this to me last year. He told me he was buying me a tablet. I said that’s sweet, but nothanks. I already have a laptop and a smartphone and very few people my age need to spend even MORE time on electronic devices. He bought it for me anyway. I pointed out that I really didn’t need or want it, as I had told him, and asked him to return it. He did.
The topic ‘My husband had a necklace made for me after I told him not to’ is closed to new replies.