(Closed) My husband had a necklace made for me after I told him not to

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Reaction?

    Relax. He gave you a gift. Say thank you and move on.

    This is an unacceptable blatant disregard of your feelings

  • Post # 91
    Member
    2091 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    tiffanybruiser :  Sorry, but you are the one being dramatic… First, there is nothing unhinged about what I said at all. I am not going to start swearing and flipping out as you are doing in your last post regarding a necklace. It is not that serious. I have given other examples that are also problems, like him giving a necklace to another woman or something I could really understand OP getting upset about. If this is a problem for her, then she must have a near perfect life. If that is the case, she has quite a bit to be happy about. No, she did not clearly state that he did not already start the process for purchasing the necklace. She said that they discussed an “idea”. Just because he said it was an idea does not mean he hadn’t started working on it. The truth is she only knows what he said and later seeing the drawings. Why should he have to say it was paid for and too late? You have a lot of requirements for a gift. I hope your man never gets it wrong… As I said before, I am not changing my stance. This is not a problem. I would rather simply say “thank you” for a gift and let it go. Have I recieved gifts I did not want, even after being asked what I wanted, of course. But, I think about how much I value the relationship I have with that person and I end up being grateful for them, regardless of the gift. Stressing about gifts is not a priority for me, as I have more important concerns.

    Post # 92
    Member
    1255 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    View original reply
    tiffanybruiser :  Also when she commented on the CAD, if he cared about getting her something she’d actually like, he could have taken that opportunity to tweak the design to be something she’d love, if he couldn’t cancel the order without forfeiting a down payment or something.

    This thread has gotten crazy, I wish OP would come back and tell us more about whether this behavior is unusual for her husband, or what her reaction was when he gave it to her/what he said to justify it.

    Post # 93
    Member
    7558 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    View original reply
    bebelicious1 :  Lol I have a lot of requirements for a gift because I don’t want to receive something that my husband knows I would hate because I already told him I would hate it? Yeah I am a tough one alright, really good point!

    I can’t continue this anymore…you are 100% grasping at straws with your logic here and I think you know it. 

    Post # 94
    Member
    3003 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I completely agree that getting someone a gift that they don’t like or don’t want is not cool. I wouldn’t spend a bunch of our money to buy my husband a snowboard because HE DOESNT LIKE SNOWBOARDING. He’s a skier. I would get him ski stuff.

    Post # 95
    Member
    2091 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    tiffanybruiser :  I could say the same thing about you. I simply disagree with your version of logic… I really would like to see an update from OP to see a picture of the necklace and hear how lousy her husband is beyond this particular event. Perhaps, she is busy going to marriage counseling so that he never does this again.

    Post # 97
    Member
    7558 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    View original reply
    bebelicious1 :  Let me put it to you a different way, maybe this will help: let’s say you’re planning to buy your husband an expensive watch. You show him a picture of it and he says “I don’t like that.” Then later you bring it up again and he says, “it’s a nice idea but I really don’t like that watch.” Then later he sees a photo of the watch on your phone and says “babe please do not buy me that watch, I really hate it.”

    Would you still buy it for him? Why or why not?

    Post # 98
    Member
    4792 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    amygdala :  maybe he was already in the process of paying/designing it when he floated the idea with you??? He could have been too far in too back out when he realised you may have not wanted/liked it.

    Don’t make a big deal and turn a nice gesture on his behalf into something negative. He will feel bad and so will you. Wear it occasionally and give him a kiss and say thank you. If he  feels burned on this one, he may think twice on nice gestures towards you in the future. Its ugly jewelry, not cyanide….no need to have a deep and meaningful over it or fixate on it in your head!

    Post # 99
    Member
    2091 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    tiffanybruiser :  I see that you are restating what OP said originally. Here is what I want to express… I am not saying I think her DH was right to gift her something she said that she hates. I am saying this is not something to stress over. It is SO funny you bring up watches. I bought my DH a watch. He is not a jewelry person, which I totally forgot about at the time. Anyway, I gift him the watch. He takes it and says “thank you” with a smile. He never wore the watch. I ended up asking him about not wearing it and he reminded me his is not a jewelry person. I would have handled it similarly, except I would have worn it at least a few times. I was not upset. I asked him about it lightheartedly. This was not a problem for either of us. I am normally a great gift giver otherwise.

    He was grateful I gave him a gift because he loves me. He never complains about it or brings it up. It was not worth an argument. I also was not upset he did not wear it. It was a gift, a gesture, nothing more. We have a wonderfully happy relationship, and it was literally nothing. People make mistakes, but a gift is nothing to fuss about in my opinion. I can’t speak for her DH, but I totally spaced about what he said, saw something I thought would look good on him and bought it. If DH custom made me a necklace/watch I would wear it, even if it was totally ugly to me and I told him so when he was making it. Because the person and thought behind it would be beautiful to me. I know everyone would not agree and that is ok. But, I just stated what I truly believe. I don’t think OP’s husband custome made a necklace out of hate or anger; I think he meant well, but OP and her DH would know better.

    Post # 100
    Member
    7558 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    View original reply
    bebelicious1 :  The reason I keep restating what the OP said is because thats literally what this post is about and you continue to bizarrely ignore it.

    The example you gave about your husband is totally different than what the OP described. You didn’t show your husband the watch before purchasing it and he said “I hate that” and you went ahead and bought it for him anyway. Your intentions were in the right place when you bought the watch…you really thought he would like it.

    I’ve received things I didn’t like from my fiance too (mostly clothing), and I love those gifts, because I knew he THOUGHT I would like them. I wore the items a few times and then quietly shuffled them to the back of the closet…just as he’s done when I’ve missed the mark with his gifts.

    The issue isn’t buying someone a gift they don’t like. It’s knowingly, willfully buying someone a gift they don’t like. 

    Post # 101
    Member
    2091 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    tiffanybruiser :  As I said, I understand what OP said originally (she did not like/it was not her style and she told him that). You fail to see the similarities in my examples. But, if you read her update this is just one incident. It is not something that normally happens. Also, she says he bought it with his own money. I am not one to boss another person around with what to do with their money. He chose to buy her a gift, and yes, he could buy whatever he wanted. She is choosing to wear it and said it is even growing on her. I still believe this is not something to fight over. I am so happy is handling it in a mature and healthy manner. For all I know, my DH could have hated the watch, but he chose to let it go. At the end of the day he values me more than any gift, and I am sure OP feels the same way about her DH. Good luck OP, I hope you grow to love the necklace!

    Post # 102
    Member
    1676 posts
    Bumble bee

     bebelicious1 :  I don’t think you are understanding what tiffanybruiser :  is saying. It’s not about the gift itself: how it was purchased, why it was purchased, what it looked liked, how much it cost etc. It was about her husband doing something after she specifically told him not to. The OP stated that it’s not a normal occurance for him, but that his mom does that to him. Maybe he is learning this behavior from his mom and that’s something the OP should lookout for.

    Post # 103
    Member
    484 posts
    Helper bee

    This is all a bit crazy. It’s a necklace. Yes, he should have listened. But its a necklace. It’s not a life altering decision. If this not listening is a common theme of the marriage, maybe there is a problem, but I don’t have that sort of insight into this marriage and as far as I know, it’s just a necklace. I have told my fiance I would prefer different gifts only to have that ignored, and its a little irritating, but he always just looks so excited, and I know he was just so carried away with his somewhat misguided attempt at making me happy that I could never feel anything other than loved. And to tell the truth, I’m pretty sure I’ve been guilty of it too. Something tells me I was more enthused about the pacman cufflinks I gave him then he was. He thanked me, and from time to time he even wears them.

    Post # 104
    Member
    1214 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    You have no obligation to feel grateful for any male’s act, regardless of relationship, that is unwanted.  You thoughtfully expressed your opinion, he ignored you and went through with it. 

    If he likes it so much, tell him to wear it. 

    Post # 105
    Member
    924 posts
    Busy bee

    That would annoy me. People don’t get a pass on ignoring someone’s wishes just because they’re giving a gift. 

    Fiance did this to me last year. He told me he was buying me a tablet. I said that’s sweet, but nothanks. I already have a laptop and a smartphone and very few people my age need to spend even MORE time on electronic devices. He bought it for me anyway. I pointed out that I really didn’t need or want it, as I had told him, and asked him to return it. He did.

    The topic ‘My husband had a necklace made for me after I told him not to’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors