My husband is addicted to porn

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Porn can be a huge problem for a marriage. I’m sorry you’re going through this 

Post # 3
Member
9044 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Watching porn =/= porn addiction.

An addiction is something that interfers with life. For porn that means he would rather watch porn than have sex in real life. He would rather stay home and watch porn than engage in real life or does risky behaviours like watching porn in inappropriate places like at work.

So was any of that happening? Or is this a case of you don’t like porn and he does?

Post # 4
Member
9828 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

You’ve been together less than a year and he’s not even out of his horny hormonal teenage boy stage.

Idk what you want here.

ETA: I didn’t even get to the 7 months pregnant part. So you got pregnant immediately after you started dating? Did you get married because you were pregnant? 

 I feel like you two were likely not at all ready maturity wise to get married and start having babies. He spends his day jacking off to porn and chatting to girls on video games – this is not husband/father material and really nothing will probably change this about him other than time and growing up. 

So I don’t really have good advice to give you other than make sure you and your child are taken care of without his help if you end up divorcing.

Post # 5
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

I don’t have any advice other than don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t have a problem with porn.  Popular culture likes to claim all men watch porn and it isn’t true.  Your feelings are valid.

Post # 6
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Bee this isn’t his first time he has watched porn while you have been married. This is his first time getting caught!!! Are you kidding me. Your relationships have so many red flags. He watches porn, try’s to contact ex girlfriends and texts other women. And he is leaving on a tour for 9 months. I am assuming you are on a military base. Away from family. That’s when I would pack up my belongings and leave his ass. He is barley out of his teenage years. And you think this guy is ready to be a father? Bee I am sorry I wouldn’t want my child to be raised by a man like that. He has no respect for you. And I am not even talking about the porn. I am talking about the other women for crying out loud. But yes if your main concern is the porn and you feel like he has cheated on you because of it. Absolutly he has. He is looking at other women. But you have to do what is right for you and your baby now. 

Post # 7
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

Y’all had not been dating long enough and were too young to get married.

He lied to you on multiple occassions about something he knew bothered you (lied AND kept doing it). Did you get engaged because you were pregnant? What’s your outside support system look like? 

Post # 8
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2005

sarahbutler :  You are a child who married a child and now you are about to have a child. What could possibly go wrong?

I would say your issue isnt that he is addicted to porn but the the fact that he is talking with other women. Talk about missing the forest for the trees. Anyways, you cant force someone to change, you can state your boundaries and if they dont respect them then you decide if you can live with it or not. If you cant then you walk. 

 

Post # 9
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I’m sorry you’re going through this, I dated someone with a porn addiction once and it was absolutely horrible. If he’s refusing help and genuinely doesn’t want to get better there is not really much you can do. I hope that he can do the right thing and be there for your child but you also really have to do what’s best for yourself in this situation. You’re pregnant and should not have to deal with these types of stressors. I know there are support pages for couples online when it comes to porn addiction. Maybe you can find some resources there.

Post # 11
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: November 2019

Oh bee. I am a longtime lurker and just created an account (which I suppose I will now use!) in order to respond to you. 

First off, while I agree with pp that, yes, you are too young to be married and neither you nor your husband sound quite mature enough, it’s a little late for that. 

Your post saddened me because I dated a porn addict once. Porn in and of itself is not always problematic (I am not anti-porn!); However, if you ask him not to watch it and he does anyway, I would argue that that is enough of a sign that it is a problem. You need to give him an ultimatum: Get help or lose you. He is actively choosing porn over you. If he will not get professional help, then he is CHOOSING to continue doing whatever he wants nad not focusing on the issue. He is also actively choosing to talk to other women. 

Do you have any support system? Anyone you could stay with if your marriage ended? Of course those are considerations. But you DO deserve better. As someone who was with a porn addict, I would not go back to that time in my life for anything. 

Reach out if you need to talk! 

Post # 12
Member
530 posts
Busy bee

Bee he absolutely HAS no respect for you. This isn’t the first time he has done this to you since you have been married to him, it’s just the first time he has gotten caught doing it.

I would pack my stuff & leave his ass bc he’s literally choosing not to get professional help and not even trying to focus on the issue at hand. He is choosing to continue talking to other women. 

Your unborn child & you deserve WAY better! 

Post # 13
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2019

So is he addicted (as in, it is interfering with his normal functioning), or does he just like porn but you don’t?

Post # 14
Member
704 posts
Busy bee

Please go to counselling yourself, and please look into couples counselling. It’s not clear in this post if you husband is addicted to porn, or if he is just sometimes watching porn and you don’t want him too. Either way, it sounds like you guys need some professional mediation to work through a couple problems. 

Post # 15
Member
408 posts
Helper bee

Girl, unrelated, but I couldn’t read this because it’s a giant run on sentence! 

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