Post # 1
It wasn’t like this at first, or maybe I just didn’t notice cause we had opposite work schedules.
The moment my husband comes home from work he turns on the TV. We don’t even have cable or anything, but we have netflix streaming on our Wii. Even if he’s in the kitchen, he turns on the TV! Then he eats in front of the TV and watches shows the rest of the night. Unless we have plans to go somewhere, he does nothing else. ever. I’m not even joking.
If we don’t have plans for the weekend he will sit an watch netflix ALL DAY LONG. He had almost the entire week after Christmas off and we were really excited to spend it together, and he watched TV the entire week.
It has really started to bug me. I am 33 weeks pregnant and I do not want this much TV in front of my son. I hate seeing kids addicted to TV and that’s the environment he’s setting up now. And now I’m left with all the housework too and I’m exhausted from it, it’s hard being so pregnant and doing all this work, and he doesn’t help unless I ask but I feel bad asking cause I don’t want to nag.
I grew up without TV so I don’t even know what to say. I tell him I think he’s wasting all his time, but I don’t know what to suggest that he do otherwise. We do have a pretty boring life. But I hardly ever watch TV.
Anyone else? We’ve been married since May 2010
Post # 3
Wow, that sounds like too much for sure, especially since it is upsetting you and you feel he doesn’t want to do anything else. How about implementing a no tv policy for two days per week, and for the first hour or two he comes home, since you said he turns it on right away. Does that seem reasonable to you? What does he say when you tell him it is too much? Can you suggest doing other things together like board games, just talking, etc.? And as far as the housecleaning, don’t feel bad about asking him. He should be helping since you are pregnant!! I’m not pregnant and my Darling Husband and I both do housework. I know when I am pregnant, he’ll definitely be helping out more whether I have to ask or not. Good luck!!
Post # 4
@Jenn23: It’s not even so much that I feel we don’t have enough time together, we do. We always grocery shop together, and have pillow talk for about an hour before bedtime. That’s not as much of an issue. He said he’ll help out more once the baby comes, but I can’t believe that if he’s not helping now!
On Saturday I actually drove him to Home Depot to buy wood so that he would have a project to do the whole day, it got him off the couch 😉 but it’s not cheap to do “projects” and we only rent so there’s only so much of that he can do. I think he is just bored, but I feel like at 27 years old he doesn’t need me to entertain him!
I like the idea of a no TV policy for at least 1-2 days a week, but I don’t want him to feel like I’m controlling him either.
Post # 5
Have you tried talking to him about cutting back on the TV time? The first step should be talking about it and seeing if he’s willing to change his habits and if he realizes how much it bothers you.
I agree with @Jenn23: about making rules for the two of you. It might seem childish at first, but my best friend and her husband have a “no electronics after 8pm rule” that really helps them. It isn’t perfect – my friend gets frustrated because she has to remind him EVERY NIGHT at 8pm to shut everything off, and it makes her feel like she’s nagging. Maybe set an alarm, or even get one of those timed outlets for Xmas lights, plug the Wii in, and program it to turn off every night at 8pm (extreme, I know. I’m brainstorming!)
As for suggestions about what you two should do (so you’re not sitting and staring at each other after 8pm) you could try out a few different things and see which one works for both of you. Nighttime walks, listening to music or audiobooks, reading books or magazines, cooking or baking together, bubble baths + wine (sparkling cider for you!), yoga classes, etc. You could do baby-related things, like reading parenting books together, decorating the nursery, playing Mozart for the baby to listen to, etc.
Post # 6
@ByLandAndBySea: Yeah, he kinda shrugged and ignored me. Like he really didn’t care. I read a lot of books, but he’s not as into books as I am, he will read them, but usually just before bed.
I am thinking of getting him a gym membership since I know he works out and maybe that would help a lot. We used to go to the YMCA together a lot, but after I quit my job we had to cancel the membership.
Post # 7
The best suggestion I have to cancel everything that invloves TV…so that means netflicks in your case. My Fiance is addicted to TV and Video Games, he goes back and forth between the two and it drives me crazy. The reason your hubby (and mine too) watches so much tv is because he doesn’t know what else to do, I am sure that was his babysitter growing up, so the only way to break that is to get rid of the darn thing.
We canceled our tv about 6 months ago, we still download shows to watch but only watch something while eating dinner, after that the tv is turned off. He still plays video games but it is a start.
I also gave Fiance one chore that he is basically solely responsible for as he is incapable of seeing what needs to be cleaned on his own. He is responsible for the dishes so he knows that when the dishes are done he is free to something else and i don’t have to nag him about it. He still helps with other things when I ask, but at least it is one less thing I have to bug him about.
Post # 8
Is it possible he’s stressed out about the baby, finances, or work and is using TV to cope? I know when I feel overwhelmed, sometimes I just want to put on a TV show to distract myself. Maybe he needs to channel that energy into something else?
If he likes to be entertained all the time (my Fiance is similarly wired and likes to have TV, music, the radio on all the time) you could get some books on tape. He could listen while he does housework (get something fun like true spy stories, mafia, sci fi, etc on tape/cd).
Post # 9
It sounds like the TV is his method of vegging out. If he was reading a books instead would the frequency bother you? I feel like the TV is the thing you are demonizing, not necessarily the time spent doing the activity (meaning – if it was something other than TV, it would be acceptable).
IF that is true, I think you need to give him a pass. If you are worried about your kids being addicited to it, then you need to address it with Darling Husband. I know plenty of families that have the TV available, but restrict the amount their kids watch and it works.
re: the housework – I think you need to set up jobs that he needs to take care of. I’d tell him you are resenting the fact that he has downtime (don’t use the TV as the source of the frustration) while you are doing the work. There’s a difference between nagging and talking about expectations of the house.
I’m not a big TV watcher, but I do like vegging out in front of the TV from time to time. Sometimes Darling Husband will turn on the TV immediately when he comes home. When it being on bus me, I try to suggest alternate activities to something I’d rather do (like: let’s take a walk, or turn off the TV and hang out, etc…)