(Closed) My husband is an ass

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 64
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

oooh I want to snuggle into that chair, and that armoire is beautiful!

Post # 65
Member
804 posts
Busy bee

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@sweetbee29:  I have no helpful advice, but yeah, your husband is an ass. Is he just gonna leave if you get ill when you’re old?! Good call on the counselling. I hope he becomes less of an ass. (Nice furniture though – that sofa looks SO COMFY)

Post # 66
Member
33 posts
Newbee

@sweetbee29: You are right, your husband sounds like a huge ass.  Why cant he get off his backside and clean instead of putting all that on you when you have been so sick, a relationship is give and take and all the cleaning should not be put on you, especially when he knows you are unwell.  And to be mad at you for being sick on his birthday is just ridiculous, I am going to agree with a majority of pps and say there could possibly be something else on his mind which is making him blow up like that.

All that said, I really hope you feel better soon and that your DH pulls his head in and stops being such a jerk.

Post # 67
Member
1744 posts
Bumble bee

He has a history of being selfish, not being compassionate and he seems pretty self-centered.  How could you be so inconsiderate as to be ill on his birthday?  Your snoring really annoys him (I actually kind of get this – but if the snoring is so bad, then he should either move to another room, or ask you to), you haven’t been cleaning up and heaven forbid that he chips in and picks up the slack while you’re sick – so he’s not doing so well on that whole “in sickness and in health” concept.  Then he manipulates you into helping him move and unpack furniture rather than wait for more able-bodied and healthy help.  

Unfortunately, the phrase “when someone shows you who they are, believe them” comes to mind.  Hopefully your counsellor can help you address how you choose to deal with him. 

Post # 68
Member
11346 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I don’t like the sound of this at all, especially his waking you up to yell at you.

Depriving someone of sleep is serious behavior.  

What is he like when you have arguments?

Post # 69
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

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@adayoruba:  I agree, sadly. Added to my own previous unfortunate experiences with a nasty EX-spouse and a few boyfriends before DH,  I’m sometimes at a complete loss about the “men” in our generation(s) lately. God help me to not raise a son like this, and to raise a daughter who would never tolerate such poor treatment! It makes me so freaking SAD!

Women are seemingly so OK with “but he’s so wonderful MOST of the time….” Like it’s a golden ticket for when they are a total dick! I mean, everyone is going to have human moments of “ugly” but what I see on these boards frequently are examples of over the top nasty, ridiculous behavior. And I’m flummoxed and repulsed by most women telling themselves and each other that “it’s ok!….there’s a reason for it….” Um, NO, there really isnt. Good, nice people behave nicely and treat others around them well despite what may be irritating them. Nasty, mean, selfish people don’t! 

OP, I’ve been sick myself over the last month, so I get your station in life right now. I am so sorry that your husband treats you this way. I hope the counseling helps you and I hope he’s willing to man up and change his nasty ass selfish behavior. No way to live life at all. I’d tell him to shove that beautiful new chair straight up his ass and invite him to live on that new couch, while IIIIIIII got much needed rest and recuperation, snoring in MY OWN BED! Seriously, your posts make me so mad for you! 

Post # 70
Member
3370 posts
Sugar bee

@sweetbee29:  Oh wow. That really sucks! Reminds me exactly of my ex. I know how you feel. He should be taking care of you when you’re sick, not bitching at you. He needs an attitude adjustment.

Post # 71
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

lol I’m a brat so to piss him off I would thrown all the dirty tissues on the floor gabbed my blanket, my pillow, head phones with music and slept somewhere else. 

There has to be soemthing deeper than snoring and cleaning. My SO snores every night and yes it bothers me and keeps me wake for awhile but he can’t control it there is no point in waking him up all night.

If he’s always like this I don’t see an exciting future ahead.

Post # 72
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

He was like “I’m tired of this. I had to deal with you being sick on my birthday weekend.”

 


 

Wow–way immature, not to mention thoughtless.  How would he treat you if you became seriously sick requiring meds, dr. visits and any kind of testing and homecare, all of which can be draining?

 

His frustration with your snoring I can understand, my guy and I sleep in separate rooms.  But his treatment of you when sick is a HUGE concern for me.

 

Post # 73
Member
982 posts
Busy bee

@sweetbee29:  I’m sorry you’re sick, and have to deal with that kind of attitude to boot! 🙁 I’ve only had one sinus infection in my life, and I seriously wanted to rip my own head off. The pain, the pressure, I couldn’t even think!

Does your husband usually have issues with anger? Maybe you would be better off in the spare bedroom until you get better – for your own sanity?

Apparently I snore and sleep talk frequently. I never know about it until the next day when SO will say ‘you were talking all night again’. He never wakes me, although I tell him to because I disturb his sleep. All your DH has to do is roll you on your side, or nudge you gently awake to change positions, or move to the spare room without making a fuss. No need to be a jerk about it. You’re sleeping, and not intentionally ‘disturbing the peace’ on purpose, and you’re also sick and can’t help that. As for the housework, well naturally that’s going to be last on your ‘to do’ list. But he lives in the house too, and is well enough and capable enough to pull his own weight and clean up as needed.

The very evil side of me would say, share the sinus infection and see how much he feels like doing…

Post # 74
Member
2080 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@sweetbee29:  I agree. He needs to be more supportive while you’re sick, especially since you just had surgery. Can you call a family member or friend to come over and help?

Post # 75
Member
4494 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

To me it sounds like maybe he was already annoyed with you about something else. When you’re already irrirated with a person then every.single.little.thing they do aggrivates you. Otherwise to react like that simply over snoring sounds really crazy. If he isn’t typically like that then I would definitely think he is upset about something else.

Post # 76
Member
2478 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@sweetbee29:  I don’t tolerate selfish manchildren so I have great admiration for your patience! If I was dealing with your DH I’d be inclined to show him this because that’s the response you’d get in my house if you pulled the sort of tricks you are having to put up with.

Post # 77
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

well i hope you feel better soon….. having said that, I don’t think I would ever refer to my hubby as an Ass on a public website, but that’s your choice. Perhaps you shoulld talk to him to find out what the problem is, we can all demonize him, but perhaps as someone else stated there is something else going on.  If you guys can’t talk to each other then you might consider some couples counseling.  

lean to work things with our huband, if you refer to him as an asshole that is how others will treat him… at the end of the day all couples both male and female can do things that are insensative, the question is what do you do with it.

Never let the sun go down on your anger..

 

Good Luck

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