(Closed) My husband is an ass

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 78
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

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@creeative1:  Very well put. None of us are perfect. When we spend our entire lives with one person, we’re bound to piss them off or be insensitive from time to time. I posted on the married board about an issue we were having and now I wish I hadn’t, because I feel like sherryberry’shusband will forever be known as a manchild. OP- There is something at the root of this, you just need to get him to spill what it is. Are you missing lots of work because of this illness? Is he stressed about that? I can’t imagine what it would be, but hopefully he will tell you sooner or later.

Post # 79
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Beach

I would get annoyed if this happened to me. If I’m sick for 10 days I really lose it so it would have been nice of him to bear with you till you got through the sickness. Maybe he was a having a hard day or something? Is that how he reacts when your not sick? if I were him and it was him being sick on my birthday i would have been upset but most certainly i wouldnt take it out on him. Maybe he was just feeling stressed or something i dont know. Well my advice is when you’re feeling better talk to him about it and make him understand that he needs to work on his communication at the times you’re sick because you’re a human and if youre sick for that long you will be extra sensitive and not at your best 🙂

*HUGS* hope you get well soon bee :))

Post # 80
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

yup.

he sounds like an asshole.

=/

Post # 81
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

If Fiance ever treated my like that, it would only be once becuase he would be in such deep shit and would have to deal with me throwing all my good comunication skills out the window while screaming at him to stop being such a dick!  Seriously I don’t think I would ever tolerate anyone treating my like that and if you are going to wake me up it better be for a damn a good reason.  And this is all coming from someone who sleeps with a snorer!  It sucks, sometimes I really want to punch him the face, he is so loud.  But you know what I do? I roll my ass over and put a pillow over my head.  If it gets really bad I genlty nudge him to change posistions because that usually helps for long enough for me to fall asleep.  If he wakes up during the nudge, I apologize for waking the poor tired guy up.  I do not get mad at him for something he can’t control, that is stupid and counter productive.  Your husband is a giant ass and needs to learn how to treat you well, wether you are sick or not.

Post # 82
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@sweetbee29:  Sorry but no way in hell could I be married to someone like that. I obviously don’t know him but it sounds like he may be verbally abusive. My husband bends over backwards for me just for having bad cramps. And I take care of him when he’s sick (run him hot baths, make herbal tea, etc) When you aren’t feeling well, that’s when you should be treated like a princess!!

I mean, are you happy living like this?!

Post # 83
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

Just for reference: 

My husband was in and out of hospital 5 times in 2013, before our wedding. When he was home, after the surgeries, he spent a lot of time resting, of course. 

I was exhausted and stressed, but I didn’t ask him to get up and do housework. I cooked and cleaned and looked after him and took months off work. 

Your husband should be taking care of you and not making you feel bad and not being so selfish. You were sick on his birthday, it’s hardly your fault. It’s just sad to hear how mean he was to you. 

Post # 84
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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@sweetbee29:  Oh hell no. Your husband is rude and inconsiderate, to say the least. I had an ex who used to push or even kick me while I was sleeping if I was snoring too loudly. It really pissed me off. I started sleeping in the other room every night because I would rather not have to worry about being rudely awaken for something beyond my control. Thankfully, my current SO is so caring and would never dream of doing that. If I were you, I would stay in the guest room until you guys get this sorted out in counseling. The way he is treating you is not ok.

Post # 85
Member
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@sweetbee29:  Wow, that’s super harsh of him… you’re sick and that’s how he treats you?? My Fiance was sick on NYE so we had to stay home but I’d never yell at him about it – it’s not like he got sick on purpose. Also you waited 6 months for the furniture – what would one more week be?? He seems overly aggressive like he has no compassion for you or something. I’d lose my shit if my Fiance invited his friends plus a baby over when I was sick – babies aren’t supposed to be around sick people anyway! I don’t know how you put up with it.

Post # 86
Member
947 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

If you snore all the time, I would see where he’s coming from. My husband snores every single night and it ruins my sleep, and I get pretty fed up with it. I sometimes snap at him about it because I’m frustrated and sleep-deprived. I shouldn’t take it out on him because it’s not his fault, though.

Sounds like your husband was being a serious douche-canoe about everything, though.

Post # 87
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

For all  those saying it must be something else or snoring can do that or the worrying, here’s my story:

My exH was in a MAJOR motorcycle accident and injured so severely he was out of work for FOUR YEARS with multiple operations. Through it all, I looked after him, helped him take baths, drove him to physio….and still worked to pay bills.

Years later I almost bled to death after our third child. I was anemic, exhausted and had three children under 6 as well as a farm to run. He took paternity leave supposedly to ‘help’ me. Two weeks later when I was still barely able to get around, he said he couldn’t take it anymore and went on a 5 day fishing trip! He left my with 3 children, a barnful of horses and NO CAR!

Two years later I suffered a spontaneous hole in my lung. The doctors told me I wasn’t to be doing ANYTHING but be on bed rest. Again he cut his annual weeklong fishing trip down to 4 days ‘for me’…oh and screamed at me everyday about how I DELIBERATELY got sick to ruin his fun!!!

All throughout our marriage he did other small things like what OP described…sleep deprivation can leave you blaming yourself after a while for his anger.

In contrast, my DH is amazing. He was off work Thursday and Friday due to a slipped disc in his back, is still in pain yet he took my daughter to her lesson yesterday because I was sick, had barely slept in two days and had to work last night!!! 

There is no comparison!

Post # 88
Member
1461 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

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@CorvusCorax:  +1000.

@sweetbee29: Your husband needs to cut you some slack and then pick some up himself. As for gently nudging you awake for snoring, I see nothing wrong with it. My Fiance snores every night and he tells me to feel free to wake him up if he does (but I don’t do it all the time because I feel bad). It’s really annoying sleeping with a snorer.

Post # 89
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@sherryberry:  I was given some very sage advice first from some of my married friends and even my executive director (who is a male) and then they confirmed it when we went to a marriage enrichment retreat.

1.  What happens in your house, stays in YOUR house.  When you involve friends and family and even messages boards like this, people will automatically get angry at your spouse if you are angry. The problem is, you forgive them, but your freinds and family don’t.

2.  If you have an issue with your spouse, talk to them, not to anyone else, pleople will you you advice based upon THEIR experience.

Actually I feel bad for the poster because at the end of the day, she obviously loves her husband she made a post in a moment of frustration… and now everyone is bad mouthing the poor guy without having all of the details.

 

 

Post # 90
Member
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@CorvusCorax:  Yeah, my Fiance snores so much that he actually sleeps in his man cave now (he has his bed from when he lived alone). We’re actually a lot happier that way. We’re both rested and pleasant!

Post # 91
Member
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@creeative1:  +1000000000 I couldn’t agree more. There have been times where I’ve had an argument with my Fiance who is really and truly a wonderful and caring guy. He had accused me of snooping through his computer for my Valentine’s present (I hadn’t!) and I was very hurt that he would accuse me of such a thing. Those on the Bee were telling me that I should dump him and that he’s probably hiding a lot of other things, too. It’s hard to hear things like that, but you have to bear in mind that they only know this little, little  part of your relationship. 

Post # 92
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@sweetbee29:  Hell fuckin no. 

Sounds like he was whiny that he had to take care of you for a change and you weren’t there to clean up for him? 

Dude, why? Sickness and health. What happens when you get really sick or have a kid? No. Just no. That can’t happen. Don’t let him treat you like that anymore. Don’t lift a FINGER for him until he starts showing you some damn respect.

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