My husband is out all night

posted 1 month ago in Parties
Post # 2
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Well first you find out where he was and why. Then you decide if it is a one off or something he’s always done. Then you decide how to act. 

If it’s a one off- I’d let it go. Tell him it stresses you out not knowing where he is and when he’s coming home. Ask that he not do it again. See below if he does it again.

If he cheated and/or its his habit and he doesn’t intend to stop- what did you do historically? I’d be looking into counseling or divorcing. All this assuming you aren’t comfortable with an absentee spouse and father figure.

Personally, I don’t find it respectful to go out and not come home until morning. Especially without updating you. I wouldn’t want to stay married to somebody who had that little respect for me. 

However, my opinion would change if y’all used to routinely do this together and you are just now having a problem with it. 

Post # 3
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee

  Out untIL morning with no text at at is teenager behavior. Not husband of a pregnant wife behavior. He didn’t even answer, what if you were in the hospital with a miscarriage? 

 

He’d better answer every question, and at best, that would be a probationary period after that. If the answers were not good enough I’d end it.  If you can swallow them, he needs to understand and offer this never happens again. 

Post # 4
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Pang :  Been there done this with my ex-husband. He would do this often, so I would get to the point where I was angry, pissed, furious ect. Yea the first couple of times I was scared, concerned worried ect. But it became routine for him. But you are pregnant Op what if something had happened. 

He may come home with a boat full of excuses. I was to drunk to drive, my phone died, my phone was on silent, I fell asleep my accident…yada yada. 

Or let’s hope and pray nothing has happened to him. But either way you need answer’s. 

I am so sorry you have to go through. Your mind must be everywhere. Keep trying to call him. Or if you know where the roomate is can you drive over there and see if his car is there? 

Post # 5
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee

He didn’t keep his word to you. Your next step is to let him recover from what is likely to be a hangover, and then you have a calm, adult conversation about it. Keep the opening question simple. 

“You said you’d be home after a few hours. Why did you stay out all night?” 

If his answers are less than satisfactory (I’d be surprised if they were good reasons), I’d express your disappointment and tell him you need some time to think about the next steps, because he’s a grown man, about to be a father, and him being present and responsible is of the utmost importance. Don’t yell, don’t argue. Keep it calm and collected, but make sure he knows you mean business.

If this is a pattern of his, getting married was probably not the best idea. Have the two of you talked about this before? 

Post # 6
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I wouldn’t ever marry someone who behaves that way. Like someone said above, staying out until all hours of the morning to party and drink and not come home isn’t the behavior of someone ready to be a husband and father. 

I wouldn’t be marrying my fiancé if he was in anyway that kind of a person or had any interest in doing that. No thanks.

when he comes home sit him down and tell him his behavior is unacceptable. The time for being out all night partying was when he was young, single, and in college. Not as a married adult with a baby on the way. Partying that late and not coming home isn’t ok and can’t happen again. And he certainly can’t not answer his phone when he goes out as he has a baby on the way. He signed up to be a husband and dad, so it’s time he steps up and gets his shit together. Be firm on this OP. You are setting the tone for your marriage. 

Post # 7
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee

Be firm on this OP. You are setting the tone for your marriage.

100% this.

Post # 8
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

Is this something he did before marriage?

My first thought in your shoes would 100% go to “something bad happened.” I’d be calling hosptials if I couldn’t get ahold of him in any other way… 

Post # 9
Member
9680 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I would be livid. Mostly because for my husband this would be so out of character I would have to assume he was dead or in critical condition in a hospital somewhere for him to pull this shit. If he pulled up to our home with just a hangover it would be a big, big issue. I would not just let it go because it’s something that’s completely unacceptable to me. 

I hope he made it home safe and that when he did you sat him down to discuss how out of line his behavior is and have come up with rules/boundaries to make sure it doesn’t happen again. I also probably wouldn’t be okay with him going out for awhile.

Post # 10
Member
10670 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Pang :  

Absolute bullshit for a grown ass husband and father to be.  If he wants to be a frat boy, off he can go to live among his own kind.

Let this go, and you’re setting yourself up for years of being walked all over.

Post # 11
Member
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

Hopefully he is ok. Of course that’s where my mind goes. Is this normal behavior? What did he say when he got in? Like others say, you need to set the tone. He’s married and about to be a father. He can’t be going out and not coming home. Pang :  

Post # 12
Member
583 posts
Busy bee

I’m gonna venture a wild guess that this kind of immature behavior isn’t completely and totally out of the norm for him. Also wondering why he’s out all night with someone with whom he parted on bad terms. 

Post # 13
Member
6604 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

While I agree with everyone assuming he got wasted, did something stupid or is being an ass, I’d be far more worried than angry until I knew for sure. Do you have his buddy’s number? Do you know where they were planning on going and can you call there? At least then you can start a trail… got in a fight and left in handcuffs, left with a woman, hospital, whatever it is. For my own peace of mind, I’d do what I could to ensure he was okay before I started bothering with anger, counseling, etc. no answer by now? Assuming it’s out of character, I’d be terrified. 

Post # 14
Member
794 posts
Busy bee

Well first, I would be worried that he was in jail or dead. Been there done that with my ex-husband. Shut this shit down now before the baby is born.

Post # 15
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - Country/barn

Did he come home? Is he OK? Did you guys talk? 

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