Post # 1
Regular bee going anonymous. I need some advice and please excuse me if I’m typing faster than I can edit.
Back info: my husband makes a solid income. Much more than I do and I am certainly more than capable of supporting myself comfortably. When we got married 7 years ago, we commited to put money away so that I could stay home with our future children. So that’s what we did. 7 months ago, we had a beautiful baby and as our decision for our family, I quit my job to stay home. I won’t lie, we put away a great deal of money as a nice nest egg for my pending unemployment and my husband got a significant raise. I thought we were doing well.
Well. Today my husband came home early and told me he quit his job. I was beyond shocked. When I asked why he told me that he had been thinking about quitting his job for months and finally decided to just do it. I started freaking out. I couldn’t believe he would just up and quit when we are down to one income and we have a BABY! It wasn’t just his income but his health insurance. It’s gone!
But then he tells me to calm down because he has another job and he starts Monday. Relieved I started yelling at him for freaking me out like that and I start asking about the job. He got really evasive and then confesses that the job he took makes ALMOST $90K LESS than his current job.
Bees, in the area we live, we cannot live on that. There is no way to pay for our mortgage and the rest of our bills. It’s not feasable. After I flipped and told him how selfish I thought his decision was he got mad, told me he’s not going back to his old job. I kept questioning him on why he didn’t tell me and how I would have been happy to figure out another option and he kept defending that his decision wasn’t selfish and I’ll just have to go back to work and that’s that. Then he just left. He hasn’t picked up the phone and I can’t stop crying.
I did call my old boss (just caught her before she left) and she told me that she was pretty sure she could take me back full-time but she’d need to get back to me Monday. I haven’t even thought of what to do about childcare, but I don’t have a choice now. Even with what we’ve saved, we won’t last more than a year TOPS before we’re broke.
I don’t even know if I want him to come home. I just can’t stop crying. I had no idea he was thinking about this and he just dropped this on me.
What can I do??
Post # 2
Did you ask him why he did this? It seems like he must have been miserable. Not an excuse AT ALL for not discussing it and planning it with you. It seems very irresponsible and I would be really pissed off if he did that without even a word to me.
Post # 3
whatjusthappened: I’m so sorry!!!! All I can say is I hope it works out. And I can’t believe how selfish your husband is! $90k is substantial to lose in a job. It must have been a reason he would have quit. Has he done something like this before?
Post # 4
I can’t believe that he thinks that is an ok thing to do in a partnership like marriage! Whatever happened to making decisions as a couple? I’m not sying he might not have quit his job anyhow, but this should have been discussed between the two of you.
Post # 5
Tinatiny1: He never really said why but he kept saying that he was bored (????) and that he needed a change. Maybe it was more than that but omg to take a $90k paycut. I can make up that difference if I take overtime but I still need to find childcare now. I feel like I’m suddenly a single parent!
pinkcorsage: No this is so out of left field for him. I’ve never known him to ever be this impulsive. I just never saw this coming. I mean I would have NEVER quit my job if I thought this was going to happen
Post # 6
whatjusthappened: He was bored and needed a change??!? I mean my job has great benefits not the best pay to which I will find a job with better pay I have a great boss and coworkers that’s the problem on why it’s hard to leave but I would never take a paycut or not discuss with my husband first. Especially since I make more.
Post # 7
whatjusthappened: Did something happen on the job where he got in trouble and just need to leave before they fired him? I hate to say this, but I’ve heard of stories of people that were caught stealing or had a sexual harrassment complaint (or were having an affair) and they just had to leave ASAP.
Post # 8
whatjusthappened: this is totally unfair to dump on you and expect you to solve without his help even. I would have a real problem with his failure to treat this like a team partnership. I think he owes you a sit down and an apology at the very least.
Post # 9
KoiKove: If something like this did happen, I am in the dark about it. The thing is the job he starts Monday is sort of like a “hobby” for him he did on the side for extra cash (and for fun) and now its fulltime. I mean if something did happen like that could he have gotten a job that swiftly? And one this specific (I know I’m being vague I don’t want to give too many personal detals…)So mayybe something like that happened, but I’m honestly now thinking what he could have stolen or embezzled. He’s not really in an industry where something like that is common (at least to my knowledge)
Post # 10
whatjusthappened: I don’t think what your husband did is wrong: we don’t know the entire story to know that.
but I do think the way he did it was very wrong.
he must have been very miserable for him to just quit and accept a lower paying job…,I’ve been on that situation before…
i think the situation is very unfortunate, espically since you wanted to be a stay at home mom..,.but being a stay at home mom is a privilege and not s right, and I don’t think it’s fair for your husband to have to maintain a miserable job, to provide a privledge…I think it’s actually selfish to think that. His jon as the working family member is to pay the bills–not the bills for your expected life style: which is why a lot of woman decide to continue to work even after children. However, I do think your husband should have discussed this with you prior….he could have handled this way better. It’s a marriage, a partnership, and thus, decisions should be decided together and if a joint decision can’t be made: a compromise (he gets a job he likes more but pays less but you get a part time job) or whatever solution it would be…good luck
Post # 11
KoiKove: That’s what I was thinking.
OP, I am so sorry your husband did this. That is just insane. I hope you find out what really happened! Good luck with everything.
Post # 12
Try and calm down. I realize you’re upset but I’d give him some space for today. I think there is way more to the story than he’s telling you. Is it possible he got fired? Got into an argument with his boss/co-worker? I agree if he should have spoken to you about it first.
Don’t think to far ahead, like what’s going to happen in a year. For now, take it day by day, minute by minute. Even in a couple days things can change. The worst case senerio is you have to live a more frugal lifestyle and you have to go back to work. I’m not trying to sound rude here but there are many families that live on much less than $90k all year.
Post # 13
whatjusthappened: think he was fired and doesn’t want to tell you what he did. It must be something horrendus maybe illegal because it is clearly preferable to him to tell you he walked off with no notice, tell you to go back to work and for him to take a $90,000 paycut.
Strap on your seatbelt and get ready for a rocky ride. You think it’s possible he stole soemthing, you may want to transfer some of that saved money into your own name if he’s done something illegal, your house and shared accounts may be at risk.
Good luck, keep us posted.
Post # 14
SoonMrsCrocker2: you could very well be right. He could have also been suddenly laid off, but he had an inkling prior so he looked for a new job just in case. This could be the best option he had to stay afloat but didn’t want to worry you until it was official
Post # 15
Hang in there.
And keep in mind, that many people view their individual employment as individual and not subject to discussion from their partner. He could think this, too, and that would contribute to his standoffishness.