(Closed) My husband just quit his job… without telling me!

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 16
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - The Victorian

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BookTea:  I have to disagree. They decide, mutually, to save for years their joint income. The reason for that was THEY wanted her to be a stay at home mother. Not stay at home wife. That was what they planned and agreed on together. If he felt differently later, he should have brought it up with her so that they could have a discussion and agree on a plan. He didn’t. It’s analagous to her just up and going back to work one day and not telling him and putting their child in a daycare he had no say in. I’m sure he wouldn’t be happy about it. I know I wouldn’t be. She’s not saying she expects a certain lifestyle, she expects them to make decisions as a team and also for her husband not to take a $90k pay cut without at least running it by her, especially since it’s the only source of income, which they both agreed to. 

Post # 18
988 posts
Busy bee

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whatjusthappened:  Take a deep breath. You and Dh need to sit down and talk it over. Try not jump to conclusions, just listen to his explaination. I hope it’s a good one.

DH lost his job last summer and it was rough! We have two kids and I have been a stay at mom for the last 6 years because that is what was best for our boys. It was no fault of DH’s, without warning the company he worked for just closed it’s doors. He was there for 16 years and we had no compensation from them. Luckily we had managed to put something into savings and that he found something in September.

I wish you the best of luck!

Post # 19
10283 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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whatjusthappened:  don’t buy trouble. You don’t know he did anything illegal. Yes, this is odd but there are many reasons why someone might do this. A bee recently did this because she felt the job was jeopardizing her future. Just stay focused on what you do know and what you need to know. 

Post # 20
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I don’t have anything to add other then hugs. I think sitting here and stressing you out more isn’t helping so I won’t play what ifs. Do you know where he went to right now? Maybe you should call his parents or close friend and see if they Know. He owes you an apology and to talk to you. I also think major counseling will be needed. 

Post # 21
3936 posts
Honey bee


Tinatiny raises a good point: Don’t think the worse. Don’t buy trouble. Benefit of the doubt.

People quit jobs unexpectedly when something reaches a breaking point at when they think that if they don’t leave then they could break (and that wouldn’t look pretty.) I know I’ve been in that boat before.

Post # 22
10223 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

He says he was BORED?  That’s a very immature reason to quit a grown up job.  I’m sorry you’re going through this OP.  I think you definitely need tipo sit down & have a discussion about this.  It may be best to have it over dinner out than at home in case things get heated.

Is marriage counseling a possibility?

Post # 23
8 posts

I think your husband may have too much pressure on the old job. Just my guessing. Usually man do not talk about their weaks with their lady. He made his decision already and decision let you fear.

Yes, the way he did was wrong. But for your two sake, put your emotion down at first and then talk with him, asking the reasons and whether he has following plan.


Hang in there. Thinking of the baby and those may helps.

Post # 24
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

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whatjusthappened:  I would not let my brain go in directions suspecting him of stealing or having an affair unless he has stolen stuff in his adult life or he’s already cheated before on you. As for sexual harassment, sometimes men are accused of it unjustly but you have no idea anything traumatic happened,

You didn’t just meet this guy on a dating site last week, he is your DH so I wouldnt jump to not trusting him on that type of thing just because you feel betrayed by his puzzling decision.

Maybe he has a plan to get a higher paying job again in a few months?

Post # 25
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

This might be awful to say, but I almost hope he did do something illegal and was fired. At least that would excuse him leaving. But for the two of you to agree about you staying home with the baby and for him to tell you he was good with it after his raise and then do this… it’s inexcusable, IMO. Like you said, OP, how is your family supposed to afford health insurance? For him to suddenly quit is beyond irresponsible; adults don’t leave their job unless they have something equivalent already set up. I don’t care how much someone hates their job, but your don’t tell your spouse to quit their job to stay home with a new baby and then pull this kind of thing.

Additionally, if he had been caught in illegal activities, very, very few places would simply allow him to quit and walk away. They would almost certainly take legal action.

Post # 26
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

To me this would also be totally unacceptable. I’m not saying he isn’t allowed to quit his job, but you should’ve been part of the conversation especially if he’d been thinking on it for months. I guess it’s possible he got fired but if that’s the case it seems odd that he already has another job lined up.

I am sure that you wouldn’t have wanted him to stay at his job if something horrible was going on or if he was just miserable and he shouldve trusted you enough to discuss it like an adult instead of making a rash decision.

Post # 27
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Oh my god I would be FURIOUS!!!! Your husband is ABSOLUTELY being selfish. Quitting your job is not a crime, and that’s not the issue. First of all he didn’t tell you at all. He got a new job, again without telling you, that is a HUGE pay cut, and then he has the nerve to tell you that you’ll need to go back to work even though you had both decided that you would stay at home! I am in absolute shock and I am so sorry you’re going through this!

Post # 28
8514 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’m sorry, Bee. 🙁

Post # 29
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’m going to play devil’s advocate a little bit here.  He may have told you he was bored, but is it possible that his job was soul-sucking and wearing on him physically or mentally?  Could it have been a choice between a nervous breakdown and a sabbatical from the more profitable industry?

My strategy right now would be to re-do the budget.  It might be time to put the house on the market and move to a lower COL area where he can do his “hobby” job.  Stop eating out.  Spend on only the essentials.  Gear up for a bumpy ride.  It might not be comfortable, but you may be surprised how much less you can live with especially if it means a happy husband.

Post # 30
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

It all sounds like a huge surprise to you. In retrospect, was there any hint that DH was unhappy with his job or that something was brewing with job security? Has he been unhappy in general? I would also be frustrated with him making such a rash decision without even discussing it with you. 

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