Well, Bees… hubby came home about an hour ago. He looked at me when he walked in and said “Ok we need to get this squared away– I didn’t quit to fuck us over, and you need to just hear me out on this for just 5 minutes. If after that, you still think I’m an idiot, you can scream at me.”
So my husband is definitely done with this other job. He actually put in his 2 weeks notice and everything… it wasn’t a spontaneous thing like I first believed. He said he left on good terms with his boss and said that he could get it back if he needed to, but he really won’t consider it until he has to. He did say that he is beyond sorry that he didn’t tell me and that it was a shitty thing to do to me (YA THINK?!?!?) but he didn’t think I would hear him out… which really fucking hurt to hear that he doesn’t think he can talk to me about things like this.
So my Darling Husband has a friend in this other industry, we’ll call him Mark, who came to my Darling Husband about 4 months ago with this new job he starts Monday. I know Mark pretty well. He’s a nice guy with a solid head on his shoulders and he does well for himself. MY Darling Husband would basically start by working under Mark while contracting our to several other associates of Mark’s to make up a solid chunk of the difference in his base salary. So according to my Darling Husband, he will only be making maybe $20-25k less and not $90k like he first told me. But that is assuming he has that kind of network and things dont go awry. I admit fully that the “hobby” job my husband is taking can be extremely lucrative— or it can be extremely difficult and volatile. There’s very little “grey” which is why it remained a “hobby”
My Darling Husband also said that the one thing he really neglected here was the health insurance and he said flat out that that was on him and that we would “make that right again.” So I asked him after all of this where this leaves me. He said “Anywhere you want it to leave you. If you want to go back to work, go ahead. If you don’t I’ll make it happen.”
So. Thats that. I told him that I was still angry. That I still think what he did was just so fucking shitty. He agrees that the way he did it sucked and that he should have had more faith in me, but he feels that I don’t have faith in him with this and that I need to trust him that he did do the right thing.
Bees. I love this man. He has never done anything like this before and I want to trust him here so so badly. But I just feel like its irresponsible to just drop the ball and fly through our savings on the hope that this business venture takes off. I mean I hope it does, of course. Truly for our sake and my husbands sake.
So now I don’t feel like I’m any better than I was before. If this fails, it can fail HORRIBLY and if it doesn’t… well then ok. But what do I do?? I feel like I still need to get my career back just in case, but SHOULD I now wait this out? The consequences of that scare the shit out of me! It really really does. I’ve always been a planner. And we planned this SO carefully.
I don’t mind going back to work if it means my family will be able to be happy and taken care of- I really don’t. But by doing that am I showing my husband that I don’t trust him? SHOULD I trust him?
OMG I need wine. I need so much effing wine.