(Closed) My husband just threw our futures away, how do I forgive him?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Annabelle86:  

 

K, don’t panic! Has he quit yet? If not, try to talk him out of it. Maybe he can hold on until he secures another job elsewhere. Try to get him to interview at other places and get something else before jumping ship.

 

Post # 4
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow, this is so incredibly irresponsible of him.  It would take me a very long time to forgive my husband.  We’ve both suffered through jobs we absolutely loathed because we needed the money.  IMO, it doesn’t matter if the job “wasn’t for him,” he should have just stuck with it until he had something else lined up.  Especially in this economy.

Sorry you’re going through this.  I would be inconsolable as well.

Post # 5
Member
504 posts
Busy bee

Did you know he was so miserable?

Post # 7
Member
14441 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@hotchildinthecity:  I agree.

Wow, that is really ireepsonsible and selffish imo.  I understand hating a job and being miserable, but needing money and insurance, espeically with your condition is a fact of live.  Sometimes, you suck it up to do waht you need to get by.  This is not a decision he should have come to wihtout discussing with you as it effect both of you.  I;m sorry, I really don’t know how to get past something like this.  I hope he finds something else very quickly.

Post # 8
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I had a job that l hated so much. Three years I spent there because the money was so good. It so wasn’t worth it. Every day, I felt like I died a little more. It literally sucked the life out of me.

Best thing I ever did was quit that job. Sure, I took something that paid A LOT less, but the weight off my shoulders was immeasurable.

 

Post # 9
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

This must be so difficult for you! We’ve just gone through a similar situation. He hated his job, we were struggling emotionally because of it and he turned into a different person. He agreed to stick with it for a few extra months but it was so obvious that it wasn’t for him that by the time his contract came up for renewal he had to go.

This has been a tough month for us, but believe me- it got better. He still hadn’t found anything, but is doing a few odds and ends to keep money coming in. At first I felt sick to my stomach but as soon as I saw the difference in his personality I knew it was the right choice.

There is a difference between sucking it up in a job you don’t like, and working somewhere that destroys your soul.

I really hope things work out for the two of you. I am a firm believer that things always work out in the end. Your future hasn’t been ruined, it’s just your immediate future that’s going to be uneasy for a while- but it’ll work itself out, you’ll see!

Post # 10
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@1313Mockingbird:  I wish I had the courage! I’m making OK money atm (it pays the bills, FH and I have spending money etc) but I am pretty miserable. I just can’t see how we could survive if I took a less-paying job. sigh. 

Post # 11
Member
5963 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Happiness or $$

Sometimes you just gotta get out of a bad situation…it’s going to be [email protected]

Post # 12
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m so sorry! Hugs!

It may not have been the most responsible decision, but if he was THAT miserable, I would be glad he stepped away. He was struggling with staying happy in his job, and now he’s stressing about needing to find a new job. I understand you’re furious with him, but you should try to be supportive as he tries to find new work. Being so unhappy in something you do everyday was probably tearing him up inside- to make the comment that he was so unhappy he wanted to kill himself (though I’m sure it was an exaggeration), would worry me a lot. Stress can make a person physically sick.

Try not to panic, and try not to continuously punish your husband. He just left, so y’all have some time for him to search for any type of job to pay the bills before it’s time to worry. Money is going to be a stress point right now, but at least you’ll have a happy hubby.

I wish you both the best.

Post # 13
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My Fiance is working two dead, minimum wage jobs to help pay for our wedding…He doesn’t love his jobs but he does it because he knows what is on the line. I always tell him, “Keep with it, if not for me then keep doing this for yourself. You have amazing potential to do any type of job and be great at what you do.” I know he is working two jobs for me, for us, for our future….

However……

If he ever quit both of his jobs then I would be expecting him to already have something else lined up. You’re right in this economy one does not simply quit a job without anything else as a back-up plan. That is a foolish mistake that could cost you a good, safe future. He should have sucked it up, that is hard for even myself to say I am not saying this lightly. My mother and my Fiance have both worked jobs they hated and everyday I noticed a piece of them dissolve into the abyss, so I have seen it first hand what a terrible soul-sucking job can do to someone and I do not wish that upon your husband and I do not wish you to see your man dissolve into a soulless shell of a human being. 

However……

What he did was still careless and selfish. I can whole heartedly respect that he was dying inside at this job. Jobs are stressful, very stressful and they eat up hours, days, weeks, months and years of your life so when you are stuck in a job you truly hate it can become unbearable. I am not blaming your husband for this, what I am nagging about is he potentially threw away your safety nets, he broke trust here. He threw away a wonderful paying, awesome benefit filled (along with soul-crushing, mind raping hell) job with no other job(s) lined up. He gave up that is what he did and that is what would disappoint me the most, his failure to secure something else. 

  • Did he even think of you?
  • Your futures?
  • The apartment?
  • The bills? 

What exactly helped him decide this was the best course of action? Because he was unhappy? Is that all? Whether he likes it or not he must be conscience of more then just his feelings, he needed to have considered yours that is a role of a husband…it is a role both partners must play, he is the “bread winner” (choose any word you like) of your family since you have medical problems and cannot work full-time. I get this! I really do I have medical problems that prevent me from working at all, I feel inadequete and I hate that my Fiance has to work as much as he does, but we’ve both talked about it and this is something we are both living with…I don’t want my Fiance to work at a place he hates but at the same time you don’t get the pick of the litter anymore in this day-and-age. 

The bright side…..

It seems like he realizes his mistake….Which is the bright side. He is now going to work around the clock to find another job to make you happy. I think this is how you can forgive him. Admit it to yourself….If he quit his job, watched you cry and with a coldness to his words told you to “suck it up/get over it.” You two would need some serious counseling, am I right? That isn’t what happened, he made a mistake, a stupid, foolish mistake but it was a mistake none the less, if the shoe was on the other foot I am sure you would be working as hard as he is/is-going-to-be to make things right and you would be desperately fighting for his forgiveness. That must mean something to you? No, this is not easy, it is going to take some time, you’re going to need to get out of the shock you’re in, you’re going to need to mull things over for yourself, then you’ll reach your acceptance and at that time you can go to him and try and work out this mess together. 

The future will hold…..

 

You two coming closer over this; by accepting what has happened, working together  to solve it, understanding each other’s sides of the story, and working to make sure this never happens again. You know your husband better then anyone on this forum, after what has happened….do you honestly believe in your heart he would do this again? (You do not have to answer this now) 

Believe in him even though it is hard now, believe that you two will get through this and be better, stronger for it. Have faith. 

Good luck~

Post # 14
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’ve been terribly miserable with a job before.  I quit…after I found a new job. 

Post # 15
Member
4478 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

That was a really selfish thing of him to do when you guys need insurance.  If you hate your job, you leave when you have another one lined up.  Period.  This would be a good time for you guys to sit down together and discuss the fact that for something as big as this, you guys need to make major decisions TOGETHER doing something so rash.  

 

It’s done now, so all you can do is move forward.  Sometimes things like this end up working out in unexpected ways.  Wishing you guys the best!

Post # 16
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Ladies who are saying that happiness is more important, i totally get that if you’re swimming in money and you have to take a pay cut to be happier, but you can still pay your bills and everything.  But if you literally need your job to pay the bills and keep your home, then sorry, but i don’t think happiness is more important, at least in the short term.  Maybe that makes me cynical, but i dont think you should ever quit any kind of job without a backup.

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