(Closed) My husband never came home tonight… Am I crazy?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 1
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Okay, so let me start by saying that my DH works the overnight shift, so he gets out of work around 7 am daily.

He mentioned the other day that the guys had asked him to go out with them after work today and said he wasn’t sure he wanted to go since he didn’t want to stay out til noon (which is super late for him, due to his schedule). I told him to do whatever he wanted to do because I tend to be pretty flexible if he wants to hang with his buddies. Besides, he knows when I get home from work and is usually there waiting for me (sleeping, but waiting nontheless).

However, I have to say that today’s events have really surprised me.

I came home from work today at about 4:30. And he literally hadn’t been home at all. My first thought was “OH MY GOSH, THE DOGS HAVEN’T GONE OUT IN 12 HOURS!” because I get up early to head off to work and could immediately tell he hadn’t been home at all. Our dogs are used to going out at least every six hours, especially given we work different hours, so this is incredibly unusual.

I took the dogs out and immediately called my DH to see what was up. He didn’t answer, so I started to worry. Noon would have been late for him to get home, but 4:30 is totally unheard of for him. He didn’t answer, so I sent him a text letting him know I was worried and just wanted to be sure he was okay. He texted me a couple of hours later to let me know he was okay, just drunk and hanging out with his buddies.

Here is where the question comes in… Am I totally crazy to be annoyed with him? We had plans tonight and the fact that he never even bothered to text me to let me know that he would be binge drinking literally all day (it’s now 8 pm) makes me super nervous. This is not normal for us, so I just wanted to seek input.

I don’t want to make mountains out of molehills, but I am totally shocked by his behavior. I’ve heard nothing from him for hours and he has obviously missed our plans since it is now bedtime for me (Again, I get up super early).

We have been talking about having a baby seriously for quite some time and I’d be lieing if I didn’t say that this makes me questions how ready we are to be in charge of an innocent life that relies on us entirely. I mean, he didn’t even let the dogs out before going out to booze with his friends! What would you think? Any advice is truly appreciated.

Post # 3
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would be BEYOND annoyed because of the dogs.  If you didn’t have dogs, I wouldn’t really care — I’d just mention that I expect him to be more specific about his plans when we had kids.

Post # 4
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’d be pissed, that’s just inconsiderate

Post # 5
Member
8035 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’d be furious.

Post # 6
Member
4027 posts
Honey bee

@Miss Country Chick:  I would be annoyed about the dogs. We have two dogs and they can go about 8-10 hours if necessary, but 12 would be painful for them to hold it and would probably result in them going to the bathroom on themselves (they are caged). 

I would also be annoyed about the plans getting cancelled. It’s pretty rude to disregard them and get drunk instead. 

I would definitely sit down and talk about what happened, when he is sober and you have calmed down. If this is out of character, it would be worth figuring out if this is a one time thing or if he is freaking out about something else (like having a baby). 

Post # 7
Member
970 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

I hate the feeling of not knowing. Is he going to be home for supper? Can we watch a movie when he gets home? Can I start working on wedding crafts if he is going to be a few hours? Drives me nuts. 

Inconsiderate for not telling you and down right cruel for not letting the dogs out. 

Post # 8
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Miss Country Chick:  I don’t blame you for being upset.. I’d be worried out of my mind. however if this isn’t a normal thing than I probably wouldn’t make a huge thing out of it. I mean definitely let him know you’re upset and why…don’t get me wrong.. But after that there’s not really much you can do

Post # 9
Member
38 posts
Newbee

@Miss Country Chick:  I would be super pissed. I mean, I’ve stayed out all night before, but I contacted my Fiance so he knows where I am and I made sure I had no responsibilities to tend to. Did he think the dogs would just let themselves out? You have every right to be annoyed by this – I know I would be!

Post # 10
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

Since this is the first time this has happened, I wouldn’t get overly upset about it. Just wait until he’s sober and discuss the lack of communication w/ him. 

Post # 11
Member
3879 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

So rude. I would be really upset. Time for a talk about how to handle this kind of thing in the future. 

Post # 13
Member
3075 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

We also have dogs & dh also works at night and I’d be so pissed about our doggies not going out & him not notifying me :/

Post # 14
Member
429 posts
Helper bee

@Miss Country Chick:  I had a similar situation last weekend. DH told me he would get out of work by 7 pm, be home by 7.30 it was 9 pm and he hadn’t arrived yet so I thought he was still working. I messaged him, and an hour later nothing… so I called his cell, nothing, his office nothing…. I was sweating bullets (my city is very know for its crime rate). Nahhhh he just never returned to work after lunch because the partners took them to celebrate a promotion and his cellphone ran out of battery. Yes he slept on the floor the whole weekend… (not really).

Post # 15
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I would be pissed beyond belief!!!

Post # 16
Member
25 posts
Newbee

@Miss Country Chick:  Well something similar happend to me when my boyfriend and I moved in. He would go out with his friends and wont come back the until the next day in the afternoon. I would get VERY frustrated about it and keep it all in. and then it would explode and we would have an argument. I think that you should talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel. He will understand. Also tell him what is your expectation next time that it happens. And, dont forget that guys when they go out, most of the times they dont really check the time and they are not the most responsible. But i dont think that this situation alone should make you feel like you should have a baby with him. You should that the situation as an opportunity to set thing straight and adjust. Because i dont think that when you will have a baby that he wont ever go out again and get drunk for the rest of his life…

 

Just my opinion!

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