(Closed) My husband never came home tonight… Am I crazy?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 77
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

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@peachacid:  +1000  It takes two minutes to make a phone call and let you know he had too much to drink and ask you to let the dogs out.  That’s just mean.

Post # 78
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You’re not crazy. He is rude; not coming home is NOT okay. You guys definitely need to have a serious talk!

Post # 79
679 posts
Busy bee

I agree w/ what everyone has said…I mean what the hell? it takes seconds to send a text. seconds to call…

Post # 81
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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@Miss Country Chick:  I have to admit, I’d be ticked off enough by this that I’d just straight up stay out of the house for a good 12 hours without telling him. Like he did to you; block/turn off the phone, just hang with girlfriends or work at a library, whatevs. Not that two wrongs make a right, but I’m a b**** when I get really angry.

I hope everything works out, but this just seems completely unresponsible and flat-out immature. Groveling is definitely required on his part, but more than that, now you have to consider if he’s even close to being ready to have a kid. I don’t care if he had a sudden anxiety attack and couldn’t stand to work his phone, his friends should have done so for you.

I mean, what are you going to do if he does this when you have a kid who wants daddy at a school play, or baseball game, or a teacher conference?

Post # 82
6014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think it’s good you’re going to talk after he’s rested.  It sounds like his schedule got all effed up yesterday, and yes he should have communicated it all much better.  He did start off right away with an appology, i hate when they do that :D, so he did acknowledge he was wrong.   

I wouldn’t go all freaking nuts and make this whole thing go on with him getting paid back by more bad behavor. Talk later when your both in a better place. 

Post # 83
6665 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@peachacid:  same.

Post # 84
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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@Miss Country Chick:  

Whoa. I would be livid on about four different levels. Count me on the “even if this is just once and out of character, it’s one time too many” side of the matter.  

Not saying that you guys shouldn’t talk and forgiveness and growth aren’t possible, but I would disregard the many people saying that “once doesn’t matter”. It needs to be very clear to him that any one of these things- leaving you out of the loop for a full 24 hours during which you were worried, faiing to provide basic humane care for his animals, and showing up to work probably at least tipsy and certainly exhausted and unkempt is totally unacceptable, and all three together are a massive abdication of basic adult responsibility. 

Every job I’ve ever had would have reprimanded if not fired me on the spot for showing up in that condition. He’s lucky he’s still employed and that you didn’t pack a bag before he got home- a lot of jobs and wives would not have stood for any of this.

Post # 85
230 posts
Helper bee

He sounds like a teenager.

I don’t know many responsible adult men who binge drink and pass out on a buddy’s couch and fail to tell anyone where they are. Not to mention showing up to work drunk (and probably in the same clothes as the day before).


Post # 86
11265 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

well, i am glad that he is safe but i think that him not checking in and letting you know his whereabouts all night to be very disrespectful.  if he was able to go into work, he was certainly capable of sending you a quick text to let you know he was fine.

how did he work while drunk?  isn’t this a) dangerous and b) terms for dismissal or at least suspension?  where does he work?

Post # 87
234 posts
Helper bee

The part that’s annoying to me is when they can’t even bother and send a basic text like “Don’t expect me home soon” or “still with the guys” Things like this annoy me alot too. Only because I couldn’t imgaine if we didn’t show up at home after hours of being out without calling them.

Something like this happen to me too. My SO went out and told me he would be late like 2am or so which I didn’t care. I don’t even call or text him while he’s on his guy night but he didn’t show up until the next morning and I’m wondering what the hell happen no call or text to even say “Hey I’m spending the night I drank a little too much”

I totally feel your frustration. I would just talk to him and say it would be nice of him to at least let you know to not wait up for him by sending you a text out of respect. 

Post # 88
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Excalibur

I would be piiiiised!! I dont know, do you really believe he went to work? Sounds super shady to me, especially since he wouldnt talk to you. Sounds fishy.

Post # 91
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@Miss Country Chick:  The two things I would be most upset about are the dogs and the lack of communication.  It sounds like you’re well on your way to focusing on those two issues, but I’ll still say: try to avoid the whole “you got drunk and I’m annoyed” angle.  You don’t want him to get defensive of just “having fun with the guys”, you know?  The problem is that he let your dogs suffer (I am so mad about that!) and that he didn’t communicate with you about his whereabouts.  

Anyway, good luck.  

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