- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
My husband seems to have attention deficit problems when his friends or family are around.
He puts them first at all costs to me.
He says he feels a huge obligation to please everyone, which I can understand. But he doesn’t factor in the cost to our relationship. He will lie, be a coward, or use any means to be around other people if they are around.
We only got married very recently. Throughout the process I told him, that I wanted the wedding either earlier or later in the year. But due to his work schedule and the schedule of his family we had the wedding in August.
However, we had already had a legal ceremony in May, as our symbolic ceremony in August is nor recognised by law. It was just us and I was very happy.
We decide not to tell his family about this as I thought his mother would feel disappointed and left out.
His family totally took over our symbolic wedding, and his sister didnt even hire a babysitter. Her kids who are 5 and 7 were up in the disco until midnight and I didn’t even get to have my first dance because her kids took over the dancefloor. He was too afraid to tell her to get a babysitter, so I missed out. Throughout the wedding, which was 3 days, he put his family first. And they put themselves first, I don’t even think they put him first.
When I was ill during the wedding, he left me on my own to be with his friends and family.
When I suggested some alone time after his family had left.
He said to me, we are already married 3 months. And went to drinks with his friends.
I understand that people had travelled halfway across the world to see us.
But I don’t understand, how, my husband, who had cried just 24 hours before in front of our friends and family could turn around and be so cold and ruthless.
To make matters worse, his friends were late because they had priortised their own families. Other people seem to find it easy to prioritise their wives, not he.
After his family left, he sent them an email saying that I had told him I was unhappy with a few things, and he had let me down. When in fact, he was upset with them for taking over his wedding.
He threw me under the bus with his family, and they haven’t spoken with me since.
I found out, because I had begun to suspect he is coward, and checked his email.
I feel very betrayed.
I was very close with his family, but didn’t suspect that they would be so callous as to take over our wedding. As an orphan, this was a triumphant but difficult occassion for me.
They did not respect that, they did not respect me or my friends.
But now that I have moved halfway across the world and have to start a new life with him I am surprised to find that I am not number 1.
He says he will make me a priority now, but I don’t believe him. He emails, talks to them and texts them all the time, safe in knowledge that they think I had the problem.
I feel even more orphaned than before.