(Closed) My husband puts his mother before me….Need advice.

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
908 posts
Busy bee

Your Mother-In-Law isnt the problem. Your husband is the problem. He has probably been running to her since the day you two started dating.

Post # 17
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Get a divorce. Sorry Bee. I can’t imagine living the rest of your years in that situation. Thankfully you don’t have to!

Post # 18
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

Divorce. Sorry bee.

Post # 19
Member
288 posts
Helper bee

Wow, I am so sorry for what you’re going through. You guys are married and are supposed to have each other’s backs. For him to say something so direct is really uncalled for. Don’t stay with someone who won’t stand up for you.

Post # 20
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

My ex husband did this with his mother. Needless to say, we are no longer together. He has straight up told you it’s his way or the highway, and I’d bail sooner rather than later.

Post # 21
Member
4813 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
msblue90 :  A married man should respect his wife.  Your husband is disrespectful of you.

If I were in your shoes I’d choose divorce and I’d never look back.  I have yet to see a momma’s boy grow up.  

Post # 22
Member
4783 posts
Honey bee

He phrased the options wrong.  Really, it’s “spend the rest of your life knowing you will never be his first priority, he will never defend you, and dealing with a family of people who hate you because of his behavior” or “set yourself free to live in a world full of possibilities and perhaps find one of the millions of men out there who wouldn’t badmouth his wife to his mommy and treat you and your relationship with respect.”  You aren’t choosing between being married or having a “failed marriage,” you are choosing how you will be treated for the rest of your life. 

Post # 23
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

Bye, Felicia!

No but in all seriousness, I would NOT put up with that. He obviously doesn’t respect or love you, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t love or respect yourself. You need to show yourself the love and respect you deserve by leaving him.

Post # 24
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
msblue90 :  I’m so sorry you’re in this position. For ages, I was in your husband’s position but the reason I had a hard time defending my fiance wasn’t because I didn’t care, but because of fear of my family’s reaction. He felt I wasn’t completely on his side if I sat silent after my mother would say something cruel to him, and he was right. I finally spoke up, and it broke my family apart to finally see me stand up for myself. Still, I don’t regret my choice for a second because my guy is my first priority and I’m his. That’s how a marriage works: you have to put each other first. If he’s not willing to do that, if he’s not willing to support and defend you against his mother and truly be on your side, you should leave because you deserve better. 

Post # 25
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
msblue90 :  when I did precana with my husband before we got married the deacon told us to *never* involve family or friends in ur marital arguments because once u make up, your spouses family/friend will still have a bad impression of u and nobody needs to know your personal marital business. Word spreads like wildfire. If he acts llike this now it will only get worse. My mom has been married to my dad for over 20 years and he always makes it seem like she’s crazy, stupid, etc to his family and nomatter what she does or says they always believe him over her and think she’s nuts because of the impression he gave to his family. If ur husband anything like my dad it may be because he has a big ego and needs to make others look bad to make himself good instead of putting to effort into communicating and solving the problem with his wife and admitting any faults of his own. I would say save urself the agrivation and find someone who respects u. A husband who respects his wife would never talk bad about his wife to anyone. Especially if u ask him not to. He doesn’t value ur opinion. Sorry it’s harsh but leave. Maybe there’s still time for an annulment

Post # 26
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Giving you the option of basically “deal with it” or “get a divorce” says everything you need to know about him as a person and how he views you and your marriage. Petty, extreme ultimatums like these are ones you’d give someone when you’re a complete, immature a**hole and are banking on the fact that they’ll cower and continue putting up with your sh*t. It’s almost an intimidation tactic, as in: “This is the way it is. What are you gonna do about it?”

He clearly must not think a whole lot of you, Bee, and though it’s sad it has to come to this: D-i-v-o-r-c-e!

Post # 27
Member
4229 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

When I first saw the title of your thread, I was already thinking in my head about how I was going to tell you about me feeling like sometimes Darling Husband puts his Father before me…but as I read your story, I saw that this is so much more than a case of a ‘Mamas Boy’!

I know I’m just a stranger on the internet, but based on the information provided your Darling Husband doesn’t sound like the kind of partner you need and deserve! If I were in your situation, I’d find this intollerable. I would strongly consider building an exit plan and figuring out what you want to do. From the looks of it, the ball is in your court!

Post # 28
Member
6880 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I’m all for trying to work things out in marriage, but what options do you really have? He’s told you that he will always put his mother before you. That’s just a fact. You either accept it or you don’t. I think the only choice left really is divorce. 

Post # 29
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Wow what a complete asshole! It’s kind of hard to be totally mad at your Mother-In-Law because even though she had negative feelings towards you at the beginning, he justified her negative feelings by running his mouth and telling his mom what goes on in your marriage. So basically he’s saying ‘either you deal with me talking shxt about you and telling my family our marital problems or divorce me.’ Divorce him! He has zero respect for you and y’alls marriage and will not change. 

Post # 30
Member
5020 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

This is tricky.  I have little to no girlfriends so when I am going through a rough patch with Fiance I tend to go to my mother to vent.  I’ve since learned I can no longer do that, instead I take it to my therapist.  By nature my mom is a negative person and any little thing I say, though it may be a temporary hiccup she would save as ammo.  I see the error of my ways and am working to turn things around.  I think its best not to announce relationship issues to family and friends.  It’s a private situation.  Your husband needs to do the same.  He needs to protect the relationship and you.  He also needs to set boundaries with his mother and when she says something negative about you he needs to shut it down fast.

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