- 5 months ago
(Sorry if it double posts, I got marked as spam).
You know the deal, regular going anon.
My husband and I are currently expecting our second. This wasn’t a planned pregnancy necessarily, but we’re very very excited to be welcoming a second into our family later this year.
With our first I had a very rough labour and delivery. I had fourth-degree tearing, and struggled to breastfeed. It took me almost a solid month to be able to walk our child around the block because of my injuries, on top of the usual general exhaustion etc of having a newborn. My husband was a great and very involved dad, still is.
Our best friends are getting married about 4 weeks after my due date. I committed to being a bridesmaid well over a year ago, and my husband is Best Man. Obviously the idea that we’d have a newborn for their wedding didn’t really occur to us at the time.
We haven’t purchased dresses or anything, but we’re supposed to in the next 2 weeks, and the closer we get the more I’ve been thinking I should drop out of the wedding. I love this couple so much, but I feel like best case scenario the baby comes early and I’d still have a 6 week old and hopefully be ok with walking/being away from them long enough to do photos. Worst-case, I go late and need a csection, and then I’d be 2 weeks out from surgery with a very young baby. All this not to mention I don’t love the idea of having a newborn with no vaccines or immunity at a winter wedding surrounded by potentially sick people.
My parents have offered to help, but if I’m breastfeeding there’s only so much they can do, and I struggled a lot with pumping (plus now I’d have engorgement if I didn’t feed) last time too. My husband will be with the groomsmen all morning getting ready and then in the ceremony/photos/speeches etc so although he usually is a great help, he obviously can’t, which I understand.
I feel like ultimately I’ll be a shitty bridesmaid and the bride deserves someone who can be there 100%. I told my husband this last night and his response was “well I guess we’re different people. When I commit to something, I do what it takes but you quit if you don’t feel like it”.
I don’t think he’s ever said something so hurtful to me. I’m so incredibly angry with him that instead of supporting his wife who he KNOWS struggled, he’s choosing to shame me over something I can’t even control. I feel like he cares more about this wedding than his own wife right now, and it’s also making me feel like he has no appreciation or respect for how hard it was, or is about to be on me as a mom with a newborn. I didn’t even know how to respond, so I just told him I was going to bed and haven’t spoken to him since.
I know this birth may be nothing like my last, it may be a breeze and I may totally be able to participate, but it seems like I won’t know until so close to the wedding and it’s unfair to keep saying I’ll be there if there’s a good chance I won’t be able to. But am I wrong?