This might be an unpopular opinion, but I don’t think it was appropriate for anyone in this thread to tell OP that she is abusing her husband. I don’t think we have anywhere near enough information to make that kind of assumption at this point.
As someone pointed out earlier, we have absolutely no idea what OP’s husband means when he says that OP is “too critical.” Does that mean:
A: OP constantly belittles her husband’s earnest efforts and tells him that he’s not good enough?
B: OP’s husband does nothing to help out around the house, and whenever OP asks him to do something or contribute to the household, he turns around and tells her she’s being too “critical” of him.
Those are two very, very different situations. The first could potentially be an indicator of OP’s absuse toward her husband. The second, not so much. We have no idea what the actual situation is.
OP also noted that her husband thinks she’s using him as a punching bag, and OP said that she said something a while back that she shouldn’t have said, and regrets it. Does that mean:
A: OP regularly lashes out at his husband and puts him down with name-calling or unkind words?
B: OP said something inapproproate and unkind one time, regrets it, and now every time she says something her husband doesn’t like, he brings it up and makes OP question herself?
C: OP’s husband really is just an emotionally sensitive kind of guy, and interprets any kind of negative feedback from the OP as lashing out, being overly critical, or using him as a punching bag, and over time, OP has started to internalize his beliefs?
D: OP and her husband have different communication styles and neither one is necessarily wrong, but they don’t know how to talk about their communication needs, leading OP to believe her husband is more sensitive than he actually is, and leading OP’s husband to believe that she’s harsher than she actually is.
Again, we have NO actual idea about what is going on between OP and her husband. She hasn’t given us any details or specifics. Usually when we advise a Bee that she’s in an abusive situation, we do so after the Bee has explained her situation and the patterns of behavior she’s seen from her partner. OP hasn’t done that. This could be a situation where OP is actually harsh or abusive toward her husband, or it could be a situation of poor communication or misunderstandings within their marriage, or it could even be a situation of OP’s husband manipulating OP into thinking she’s horribly critical and unkind. We don’t have enough information to know.
Because we don’t actually know any details, I don’t think it was appropriate for anyone to tell OP that she’s abusing her husband. That’s a powerful and potentially dangerous accusation and we need to use it wisely. OP has noted that she’s trying to make a change. I think supporting her in her goals is a better use of this space than just assuming she’s an absuser and telling her so.