- 5 years ago
Needless to say, regular user going anon for this one. I never in a million years thought I would be writing this. I don’t know where to turn to right now…
My husband and I have been together for five years (living together for three), and married for two. We went out two nights ago to an end of the year celebration. We stayed a little longer than we should have, drank too much (I’ll be the first to admit it) and went home. We went straight to bed after getting ready.
Next thing I know, I’m waking up to him trying to have sex with me. I tell him NO (although I am half asleep at this point) and I’m like, STOP IT. I’M ASLEEP. His response was something along the lines of, “No you aren’t. I just got you off now you have to get me off.” I was really confused about this because I definitely had been sleeping and have no idea what in the world he is talking about. Again, I said NO. At this point he physically pried my legs open and put himself inside of me and starts having sex with me. I was terrified because he has never done anything like this before. I basically shut down at this point and pretended to be passed out. After a minute he realized that I was not conscious (well pretending not to be) and he goes “MOUSE! WTF. You were just awake a second ago! WAKE UP. WTF.” He finally gives up, pulls out, and goes to sleep.
So….yeah. The next day I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that I said no several times and he physically took advantage of me and completely ignored me. I talked to him after work last night…and I still don’t know what to do. I cried, he cried. I told him he had crossed a line that if he EVER crosses with me again I will be out the door. He said that we were fooling around and he got me off, and I was jacking him off, and at that point he moved to sex. He says that he at no point did he realize I wasn’t awake. He said he was horny as shit and was confused as to why I was suddenly shutting him down when I said no. He completely acknowledges that he completely fucked up by continuing, though.
As a side note, a couple of weeks ago he said something about how fun having sex during the night was. I laughed it off and told him he was definitely dreaming because I didn’t remember it at all. Now both he and I are wondering if I’ve been like sleep-sexing (for lack of better term).
I just don’t know. In undergrad I often taught sexual assault awareness programs. And I’m so CONFUSED! Like, this is my husband! And like I said he has NEVER, EVER done anything like this before. But if you look at it and call it exactly what it is, it is rape. And that’s what I was thinking as he did it. Honestly, at the time it was happening I was thinking to myself that I was going to leave in the morning and never look back. But is it worth it to throw away almost a fairy tale perfect relationship based on one (big!) mistake? I don’t know. We have some serious life milestones coming up this summer…don’t want to get too detailed but we’ll be moving, finishing programs, vacationing…we’ve been NTNP and were going to actively start trying in the next 3ish months. And now…needless to say, I don’t want to be having ANY sex with him. Am I ever going to be able to look at him the same?
He is definitely 110% remorseful and keeps apoligizing and saying it will never happen again. I do believe him-but I am so scared. I am also so sad that this awesome relationship out of the blue suddenly has a perfectly terrible part about it. Will I ever forget this?
Thanks for listening…I just don’t know what to do at this point. 🙁