(Closed) My husband wants a baby, but I'm not sure I'm ready yet (semi-update)

posted 7 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
1862 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

honestly? I think you are. If you are financially able, you are fairly close to your ideal age, your DH is ready and you’ve got a good flexible job. from what you say, there’s nothing else to “do”, just more time to wait. You won’t have accomplished anything else between now and next year that needs to be done before a baby. You won’t be any more ready. Mentally it seems like you still have hurdles but will time help them? Or are you just worried about being a mom?

Because we all have those fears, we just accept we are terrified and move forward! When we started trying I was so freaked, but now that it’s been a while I feel 100% more ready. Still totally terrified, but ready to face the challenges.

One thing that has helped me is to read the bee and other motherhood articles. It’s really opened my eyes to the fact that parenting is actually not all rainbows and butterflies. So I’m not naive anymore that it will be easy. But I want children more than anything, and I’m not going to NOT have them so I may as well just jump in with both feet! 

Post # 3
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

To be honest, if you really decide to start trying, you should be prepared for it to happen right away. My fiance and I got pregnant the ONE time we had unprotected sex… while we knew that a baby was going to be somewhere in the near-or-not-so-near future, we definitely didnt expect it to work out right away.. but it did! On the other side, we couldnt be happier now.. when we found out we were going to be parents, we first were a little shocked and scared, but our feelings really quickly got overtaken by joy and excitement.. and now that our little girl is born, we wouldnt trade her in for anything in this world! Maybe your feelings will change once you’re actually pregnant.. i think it is normal to be a bit scared of the changes that come with having a baby, but hormones will soon do what they’re supposed to ๐Ÿ™‚ If you can definitely see you having a child eventually, then you shouldn’t worry too much about “a right time”.

Post # 4
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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Laur12:  I’m 28 and my DH is about to turn 32, so we’re pretty similar age-wise.. and no, I definitely did not have an ‘aha’ moment. I always knew I wanted 2-3 kids, so again, similar.. and we dediced last year that we would start trying sometime after our wedding. I definitely did not feel ready. In fact, I felt pretty freaked out when we started trying. Every time I went to a bar, I thought ”this might be my last glass of wine”. But, it took us 7 months of trying before I became pregnant. And by the 7th month, I was definitely wondering what was taking so long, and looking forward to my baby. I had an ultrasound this morning (I’m in week 11) and saw the baby kicking it’s little legs. It was adorable… I so cannot wait for our little one to be born.

I don’t think you should put it off too much.. firstly it really might take a while and if it doesn’t then so much the better.. there are so many risk factors during pregnancy and they really don’t go away as you get older..

Post # 5
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Also, hypothetically, think of the worst case scenario (I wouldn’t wish this on anyone but it’s a potential possibility for everyone) it might take you 2 years of trying before you get pregnant. You might have a miscarriage and then it might take you another year. By then, you might be 32. After your first baby is 2, it might take you another 2 years to conceive your second one. By that time you will be 36.. 37 when your second baby is born.. 50 when your child is 13.. about to retire when it’s in college.

I think having a baby is such a totally unpredictable thing that if you are certain you want kids, you’re married and you’re financially secure, there’s no reason to wait ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
Member
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I definitely didn’t have an aha moment! I just knew I had to start right after the wedding as I was 34. It took nearly 2 years for a successful pregnancy and at nearly 30 weeks I’m still a little freaked out. I know it’s not going to be easy. But it’s also one of those things that is so worth it!! 

Its hard to know how long it will take. I’ve had a good few friends who got pregnant first cycle but I’ve also had friends who took 4 years. You just never know. I had absolutely no way of knowing in advance that it would take a long time. But if I were you I wouldn’t assume it’ll take a while. Maybe talk to your DH again about a compromise. 

Post # 7
Member
2198 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I was one of those women who got pregnant the first month we “pulled the goalie”. Obviously we both knew it might happen but it was still a shock! 

Fall is about 5/6 months away so if it did happen straight away you’ve still got time before baby appears. If you’re turning 28 soon then you will definitely be at least 29 before the baby appears. 

I would say go for it in the Fall. 

Post # 8
Member
6582 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I got pregnant the first try with each of my 2 kids. So yeah, be prepared that it could happen. 

Post # 9
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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Equine_Breeder:  This! 100%! You have gotten some great advice already. Sometimes you’re just never quite ready. But I promise that once you have a pos test, hear the heartbeat, see the first ultrasound, you will be ready. You will fall completely in love and you won’t miss your freedom ever. Okay maybe I exaggerated on that last part ๐Ÿ˜‰ Seriously though, you will make room and find time for a baby. It’s weird how your emotions and priorities will change even if you think aren’t quite ready for it.

Post # 10
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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Laur12:  I know that feeling of pressure about having a baby. My FH wants a child right away, and has wanted one for the past two years. But I do not feel I am ready. I am in the process of buying a house, going back to school, and getting my job where it needs to be. But it isnt that I am waiting for stablity. I think I am just not ready yet. I see babies and they are cute, but I cant see it right now. In my case, I have a child from a previous relationship and I had my daughter when I was in college and it was just a HUGE life change. I am enjoying my time in my 20s and I, like you, want to still be able to hold on to some of that before I have one more child. In my case, I really talked to FH and these last couple years and really focused on the fact that I want to enjoy where I am at, and I think he finally has understood. For me, I need another couple years, and I am firm on the fact that I want to wait and I need to wait, for myself, sounds selfish, but I am still young. Something might happen in a year or so, but for now, I am not in a rush.

But I agree with a lot of the comments above as well… you may never really feel 100% ready. However, when you get pregnant, regardless when and at what age, generally your thoughts will change in some way and you will be ready.

Post # 11
Member
8066 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

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Laur12:  Ok, so I never had an ah-ha moment.  We wanted kids but I didn’t feel quite ready for them (kind of the same reasons as you, I liked my freedom still).  I had been on my BCP so long I figured I should go off because I thought it would take a long time to regulate and get pregnant (I did NOT have regular cycles before the pill).  And I was going to be 30.  So it didn’t take long and I got pregnant the first month I was off.  I was definitely shocked!  I sort of freaked out I was so surprised.  I still didn’t feel “old enough” to have a baby, if that makes sense, even though I was 30.  But you have 9 months to prepare mentally after that.  And you’ll be ready when the baby gets here.  So I think your worries and fears are entirely normal.  I mean, it is a big big change.  I’d probably be more concerned if you had zero fears.

I don’t think I would have ever had an a-ha moment.  Or maybe I would have been 34 or 35 when it happened.  A lot of people never feel 100% ready because it’s a huge life change.  In reality, I was ready for our baby but I also would have been fine waiting another 2 or 3 years.  I can understand your husband feels ready if he’s 33 though and wants 2-3 kids.

I don’t think you have to go for it in the Fall if you’re not ready, but if you did decide to, I think you would be more ready than you realize.

Post # 15
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think any one who says they were totaly ready, 100% go is a crazy person with very unrealistic expecations. DH and I are the same age as you and your DH, in pretty much the same position, and are thinking pretty much the same thing (Don’t want DH to be a 40 year old dad with a young baby) We haven’t been preventing for 6 months, and I still think it would be a moment of panic if we got pregnant. I think thats why our bodies give us nine months of pregnancy to get mentally ready for 18 years of raising a kid.

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