My husband wants a traditional household

posted 3 weeks ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
848 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

starrynightsforever :  He sounds hypocritical and sexist. In a “traditional” situation, you wouldn’t even need to work and he would handle everything financially.

It’s unfair for you to take care of the home 100% but still contribute to the bills. Also, this situation will only grow more unfair towards you once you have children. 

Post # 4
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

You sit down with him and figure out your finances together. Make a budget. There’s no reason that he should suddenly be $500 short and have the cable shutting off. Stop letting him mess up your household financially. This is the most imminent problem here, so address that first.

Also, if doing all of the household chores seems unfair to you, speak up. Your feelings and wants are just as valid as his. If he refuses to compromise with you, look into getting help (ie counseling). 

Post # 5
Member
3642 posts
Sugar bee

You need to set a household budget together and stick to it. You also need to be 100% involved in your financial strategy including savings for emergencies and retirement. You cannot just hope and pray he takes care of it.

As for chores, do you work equal hours? If so, chores should be divided equally. If not, then divide them accordingly.

Do not get pregnant until this has all been worked out.

 

Post # 6
Member
7094 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’m extremely concerned that he’s ‘coming up short’ for bills – why is this? Where is the money going? This is totally unacceptable and you need to know what is going on before deciding what to do next.

Post # 9
Member
848 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

starrynightsforever :  I’m also concerned because he sounds unempathetic and selfish if you have to “beg” him to help clean after himself. It just sounds like he’s using you being a woman as an excuse to never do his part in the home. And you have to decide if that’s what you’re willing to deal with (x10 when you have kids) for the rest of your life. 

Post # 10
Member
832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

Your husband is not interested in a “traditional” household. He wants to feel like a big boy who gets to live with a free maid/cook/ATM. He is a sexist hypocrite who wants to have his cake and eat it, too. Cooking and cleaning is not your “duty as a wife.” This kind of attitude is creepy. Stop being his mommy wife.

Figure out a budget and how to divvy chores. If you shell out money whenever he needs it, you’re just going to be enabling his bad spending.

This sounds like an unhealthy relationship dynamic. It’s one thing if you mutually agreed to a certain arrangement. He seems entitled to be serviced financially and householdwise. He’s basically springing dilemmas on you– “If you don’t give me more money, our cable is getting cut off. The rent won’t get paid. My tuition won’t get paid.”

I am getting serious manipulative vibes from your husband. Maybe he’s just a sexist asshole with a bad spending problem, maybe he’s grooming you to think it’s normal to “help out” by basically doing everything.

How old are you guys?

Post # 11
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Have him beg you for money like you beg him to do chores.  Like literally, see what happens.  

I wonder just how young y’all are, and how long you’ll put up with this.

Post # 12
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

I would also be curious to know where the money he normally has to pay the bills goes. And I echo pps who say you should be 100% involved in your finances too. 

Post # 14
Member
3642 posts
Sugar bee

Why are you letting him take control of your finances? Obviously, there is no planning for your future here.

You need to start working full time and saving the extra money for when this all goes sideways.

Post # 15
Member
873 posts
Busy bee

You two don’t sound like a team at all. It’s not your household chores and they’re not his bills. It should be a partnership, you two need to sit down and have some transparency asap.

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