(Closed) My Husband Wants Me to Get Rid of My Cat!

posted 5 years ago in Pets
Post # 121
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

well then i guess they can all be miserable together forever! He’ll resent her, she’ll resent him, the cat will hiss at everyone and throw up all over the happy family! YAY. 

 

haha i just wouldn’t live like that. ever. 

Post # 122
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Whitetail Ridge

cautiously3optimistic:  Please don’t get pets since you consider them to be disposable when they become a minor inconvenience.

Post # 123
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

CEM16:  I have had two dogs. both were well trained, well behaved and lived long and happy lives. One died prematurely due to cancer. they were healthy (until one got cancer), happy, and did not act aggressively towards anyone or make anyone I was living with deserate for them to leave. I worked hard to make sure they weren’t an inconvenience. but sure, if the powers that be on weddingbee say no more pets for me, then fine! no more pets. how ironic. Guess there’ll be one less dog adopted when I’m ready to get another one. sorry little guy, weddingbee people say i’m not fit. 

Post # 124
Member
707 posts
Busy bee

Don’t get rid of your furr baby. You will never forgive yourself.

Post # 125
Member
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Ugh. 

I cannot stand when threads get heated like this where the OP never returns to fill in the voids that we’re all putting our own assumptions into the missing gaps of info.  

Just a little first world problem internet rant. LOL

 

Post # 126
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

OMGMrsW2B:  +1000 Oh my goodness I know!! I was literally just saying that to my DH!!

Post # 127
Member
1612 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

ashkat:  I’d pick my cat any day. Tell him to put his big boy pants on and deal with it. Do not put your cat down just because your husband wants you to. People who do that because an animal isn’t convenient frankly make me sick.

Post # 128
Member
10865 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Your husband knew you had a cat whepen he chose to marry you.  He lost his right to complain.

Certainly get the cat to the vet about the vomiting & behavior issues.  You can ask for a referral to a behaviorist.

Is he controlling in other areas?

Post # 129
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

OMGMrsW2B:  I fully agree…and, nevermind what else I’m thinking.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by  GreenBayBee.
Post # 130
Member
1261 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

cautiously3optimistic:  Hahaha, yep yep, that’s how all is cat owners live! We are just covered in puke 24/7! Got it.

What exactly are you suggesting? Loads of people on here have given her suggestions to improve the cat’s behaviour. You on the other hand seem to be in the “husband decided the cat he knew existed before he married needs to go, so it does! Husband’s word is law, so go kill your cat! No biggie!” camp. Beyond killing her cat, which you clearly think is a peachy idea , do you have any actual ideas for op?

Post # 131
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

arabbel:  Here is my earlier reply: 

“You mention that if he makes you give up your cat you’ll resent him for so long. Consider that he’s probably been resenting you for 4 years for making him live with your cat under the current circumstances. you can 1) deal with the behavioral issues and fix them. if you can’t then 2) re-home the cat. if you refuse to re-home the cat you can 3) live in a marriage already full of resentment or 4) truly pick the cat over your husband/family. 

 

people get sensitve about their pets, but also consider that if you came to weddingbee saying that your husband asked you for something else in your marriage to make him happier and the advice was “he’s being a jerk” ignore him/dump him, that would be horrible advice. at the very least he deserves to be heard and have his feelings on the subject be considered instead of just dismissed out of hand.”

 

people assuming that re-homing automatically means killing the cat. that’s just a lazy assumption. no one is suggesting she send the cat to a kill shelter. “re-home” means relocate to a different home. 

also, I don’t know about other cat owners. The OP has a grumpy hissing cat who appears to vomit after every meal. that specific cat owner cat vomit in her home every day. 

Why don’t you read people’s comments before deciding that no one has given any advice. My advice is above. she has four options. and WHERE IN THE WORLD did you get “husband’s word is law” out of anything i said. that’s also lazy. I have said that BOTH partners deserve to be heard and respected when it comes to their day to day life. the way it stands now is actually closer to “wife’s word is law” and people come on here saying that by marrying her he “lost the right to complain”? Give me a break. essentially that’s saying that by marrying her, he has to put up with anything he “knew about” forever and ever and not say anything about it. what about progress? what about fixing problems that negatively affect your partner? 

Post # 132
Member
1261 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

cautiously3optimistic:  I already explained how unlikely it is that she will be able to find a home for this cat. You are describing an ideal, but that ideal most likely will not be met. So let me ask you – if it turns out she can’t find a home for the cat (which she probably can’t) and it comes down to giving up the cat to a shelter, what do you think she should do?

And where do I get the husband’a word is law from? Because essentially, you are arguing that because he has secretly been frustrated for a few years, she needs to get rid of the cat. Her love of that cat is inconsequential, his feelings take top and only priority in your scenario. 

Other bees and myself are trying to figure out ways that op AND her husband can be happy. Compromises, trying to make the cat not be such a problem. 

And while marrying someone doesn’t take away your right to complain, if I married a guy I knew LOVED golf but eventually found he spent way too much time on it, I might ask him to cut back, do it a less, etc., but I would have no right to demand he stop golf altogether and sell his clubs.

Post # 133
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

arabbel:  Incorrect, I have said that she needs to hear him and not dismiss his opinions and concerns, not automatically get rid of the cat. And if she can’t fix the issues with the cat and can’t get rid of the cat then again, refer to what I said above: she has two options: Live with the resentment on both sides, or choose between them: cat or husband. If she keeps it, it’s foolish to pretend that his issues with the situation will just magically disappear. because of how bad she’s let the cat get, it’s sort of a lose lose at this point. 

and yes, i do belive that your love for your spouse should come before your love for a pet. that’s how I live my life, and if my spouse put a pet first, i would leave. maybe he won’t. OP knows better than me. and where do you get “secretly frustrated”? that’s an assumption, I doubt that he out of the blue after five years just shouted ” I HATE YOUR CAT, GET RID OF IT.” I bet he’s brought it up before… probably many times. by refusing to do anything to fix the issues, she’s saying that his feelings are inconsequential. 

golf and a cat that live in your home are different. if your husband had a hobby that negatively affected you in your home and started doing it more and there was no way for you to escape from it, that would be an entirely different scenario. golf takes a couple of hours. a pet in your home is 24/7. apples and oranges. 

Post # 134
Member
1261 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

cautiously3optimistic:  At this point you are making assumptions that we don’t know. We have no real idea if he has said things, or if he has whether he indicated just how serious this is to him before this point. 

You also did not answer what her action should be if it comes down to a kill shelter.

Post # 135
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

arabbel:  everyone here is making some assumptions, yourself included. OP hasn’t filled in any details. by saying ‘He hates my cat and wants me to get rid of him.” in her original post, yes, I am assuming that he has complained about the cat, the anger and frustration has culminated in hatred, and that it is serious enough that he has asked her to get rid of him. <br /><br /><br />

If it comes down to a kill shelter, she can choose for herself. Clearly she isn’t going to let someone else (me) decide this for her. If she keeps the cat, there will be resentment from both his side and hers. If the cat has nowhere else to go, then she’ll resent him and he probably still won’t be happy because now his wife will be upset for years. like I said, her inaction has brought them to this lose-lose. If you want me to say “she should kill her cat” just so that you “win” and I’m a monster that you can hate on, it’s not going to happen. I’m just saying that everyone is unhappy now no matter what because of this cat and the OP’s inaction. 

The topic ‘My Husband Wants Me to Get Rid of My Cat!’ is closed to new replies.

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