My husband wants to buy his grandpa's house when he passes. I dont.

posted 5 months ago in Married Life
Post # 46
Member
2230 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

FWIW, my IL’s former house was for sale last year, and my Mother-In-Law and SIL were pushing my husband to buy it. He shut that down before he even asked me about it. There were a variety of reasons but he did bring it up to me and the first thing I said was no because I didn’t want to live in a house that would never be considered “ours”. My husaband’s father had passed away earlier that year and there was no way I was going to live in a house that he formerly owned and made changes to. I don’t get along with my Mother-In-Law and SIL anyway (overly enmeshed, narcs) so I wanted the option to change something if it wasn’t to my taste without any snarky comments from them. I told him that despite the fact that the house wasn’t to my taste (I’m not a fan of ranch style, I like having a second floor) I would never consider moving into a house that wouldn’t feel like ours (his mom was unable to sell her house as well and offered it to us for cheap. that was also a hard pass). I would just explain to him besides your objective cons that you would never feel like the house was “ours”. That you two would essentially be living with a ghost. And not sure what your relationship with your IL’s is but I will tell you that I have a friend that moved into “grandpa’s house” with her husband to keep the farm in the family and she is miserable as her Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law feel free to walk in whenever they want. They have changed the locks twice and Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law get a copy key made or find another way in. It is a nightmare and she has regretted it every second. 

Post # 49
Member
578 posts
Busy bee

I know people have warned you about families being upset about money but I just wanted to remind you of why: grief makes everything raw. So even if your husband’s family normally gets along great, once grandpa passes they’ll all be extra emotional and might change their minds on selling or insist on selling to sis to help her out… grieving people are very unpredictable. 

Post # 50
Member
523 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t want to do that. I’d want to start a new chapter with my husband, not hang onto the past. That will be your forever home. You’ll never get out of there. He needs to understand that it’s just a thing. The memories are in his heart. If you were on board that would be a different story. And you don’t have to be on board or like that house or want to live there. 

Post # 51
Member
576 posts
Busy bee

I won’t repeat everything people said (I agree with most) but I’ll add this: are you sure grandpa is debt free? If he isn’t I wouldn’t even bother considering that house.

Post # 52
Member
1937 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

View original reply
@Sunshine024:  oh my god that is horrific. You should direct your friend to DWIL nation to post there and get some help with her in laws. Yikes. 

Post # 53
Member
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

You not wanting to buy the house is enough. The school district would be a deal-breaker for me.

You both are ready to buy now. The house isn’t available now. If and when the house is available you can decide if it’s something you want to move on. There are just too many variables and unknowns. I would tell him that currently, it isn’t an option, and you have no interest in the house, but you’ll cross that bridge when and if it ever happens. 

The people we bought our house from decided to sell their house 5 days before it hit the market. If you had another home you could sell it and buy this one if that’s what you both wanted.

You also have no idea when he will pass or when those that inherit it will want to sell it. It could easily be 5-10 years.

With the house being three other people’s inheritance I wouldn’t bank on them all agreeing on what to do with it. It’s easy for them to say now that they would like to sell it cheaply to keep it in the family but there are other ways to keep it in the family and cheap may mean a 5k discount…

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