My Husband Wants to Divorce

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

Wow, I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through something like this alone. Could you possibly take a break and go visit your friends or family in your country? I think you really need that support at this time. How about video-chatting at least? I think if possible, a short break from everything could really help. Hope you feel well. :\

Post # 3
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

soontobebe :  I am so sorry. I second taking some personal time and visiting your family and your friends. They are your people, too! You have people that love you and you need to be around them and take care of yourself right now.

Post # 4
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

soontobebe :  I know you feel alone, but you are not. There are people who care about you no matter where in the world they are. If you are able to I think PPs both make a great point by saying maybe you should take a trip to see your family and oldest friends. Their comfort and support will be a wonderful thing to have. If it is not feasible to go there, try skype! I think maybe a therapist would be good to talk to as well. *hugs*

Post # 5
Member
298 posts
Helper bee

I’m so sorry bee.

I also think getting in touch with your friends from home and talking to them will be very beneficial. Contact the person who  makes you feel most comfortable.

Maybe work right now isn’t the worst thing, perhaps it will let you think about other things cause had I stayed at home I’d be thinking about it nonstop – like a loop – making myself feel worse and worse.

 

Post # 6
Member
334 posts
Helper bee

Hi Bee,

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this, I can only imagine how painful it must be. I think focusing on work and being with friends and some therapy will go a long way towards helping weather the worst of the pain.

Big hugs

Post # 8
Member
5773 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

FUCK THAT GUY.

I know you don’t want to hear it right now, but eventually you’ll get to the stage where you too say the same thing. When you get there, know i’m with you throwing the middle finger at him in spirit.

Post # 9
Member
40 posts
Newbee

I am so sorry you are going through this. You have expressed your situation and your hurts so eloquently and my heart is breaking for you. As another person said above, please know that you are not alone. Ever. And you are strong.

Is there any chance your husband would consider counseling? What he said seems pretty concrete, but have you asked? Regardless, counseling might help for you without him. Also, some areas have support groups for people going through divorce/separation and I know people who have been helped by visiting one of those.

Your job can be a great distraction and outlet for you apart from emotions, so it’s good you have that. Get a journal and write what you can’t tell to just everybody. You’ll allow yourself to feel what you feel, formulate and convey your thoughts, and do so in a safe way. You need to keep getting this stuff out some way so that it doesn’t come out at inappropriate times and in the wrong places.

Reach out to your family and closest friends, even if you can’t see them. Those who care about you will be there for you and you need their support.

Be nice to yourself. Remember you are loved. No matter what happens, you will be ok. You will get through this.

Post # 10
Member
6258 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I’m so sorry bee. *hugs* 

I’m so upset he doesn’t even want to try: that he blindsided you straight with divorce, rather than letting you know when he realized he wasn’t in love anymore, so you could work on it.

This reminds me of an interview I heard/red a while back (can’t remember how I heard of it).  There was this little old married couple that had been together for a very long time.  When asked the secret to the longevity of their marriage, the little old man said: “We never fell out of love at the same time.” Implicitly, his real advice hidden in there, was to understand that people do fall in and out of love with each other–the secret is to be willing to work through it together.

Post # 11
Member
4467 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

soontobebe :  Wow, that’s heavy.  Unfortunately you really are stuck.  He’s said he isn’t in love with you anymore and there really isn’t anything you can do to change that.  There’s no compromise to be made here.  It sounds like this came out of the blue — can you talk to him rationally and see where this has come from?  If you have a level headed conversation with him to see how he got to this point that may help with closure and figuring out the best next step.  Divorce is huge; maybe start with a trial separation and see where you are both at after 6 months.

That being said I wouldn’t count on him changing his mind.  It sounds like he has it pretty much made up.  As hard as it is, walking away may be the best option.  I would see if your friends and family could either visit you or you go visit them.  Lean on them.  You will need it.

Post # 12
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

slomotion :  +1

btw I love the raw honesty in all of your posts!

Post # 13
Member
383 posts
Helper bee

Just want to say sorry and validate that nothing you are feeling right now is wrong. Absolutely grieve, and realize that your married years were not wasted or a failure. You lived, you loved, you learned, you took a risk. That’s what life is all about. Simply a new chapter opening up for you.

Post # 14
Member
3466 posts
Sugar bee

So sorry, Bee. I’m really annoyed for you – I hate that he said he wants to be friends but be alone. Bullshit. He wants to not be married so he can see other women and only wants to be friends so he doens’t feel like the bad guy. Please take time for yourself and rely on friends and family. Definitely take a trip to see them. And remember to get your own divorce lawyer.

Post # 15
Member
5016 posts
Bee Keeper

soontobebe :  

Saying he wants a divorce but stlll wants to be be friends   is in the same bs territory as him telling  you he has met someone  else – and he thinks you’d love her if you met her. Don’t be caught by that stuff , as a pp said, he wants to break up but not be the bad guy  – and not  be given too  much of a hard time by you. He’ll probably tell you he can’t bear to see you cry soon,  and in any attempted discussion will say piteously  ” what do you want me to  saaaay “?

In such a situation I would tend ( have done it and it helped no end) to not show him how much I was hurt and not  ever beg,  plead, or anything remotely resembling that . Fake not caring  till you really do not care ( much) . Calm,  even cold conversations about how to split  up goods and chattels  will stiffen your spine -and , bonus, take the wind right  out of his self righteous  sails .

I wish you the very best of luck – so painful OP,  so painful !

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