My husband won't take time off for our first anniversary– am I overreacting?

posted 5 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
1575 posts
Bumble bee

I’d be upset. We prioritise each other and just took a few days off to go away on a holiday together to celebrate our one year anniversary. This kind of says you come second to golf 🙁

Post # 3
6046 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Yeah, I’d be annoyed about it- especially because he can clearly make the effort to take the time off, but not for your anniversary. I’d be making it clear to him that I didn’t appreciate the lack of consideration or acknowledgment of our anniversary and that he needed to be coming up with a plan to make it up to me.

Post # 4
9545 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Yes, I’d be hurt.

My husband had a work conference on our first anniversary. He couldn’t skip it and that’s fine because hey that’s life sometimes and we can just celebrate on a different day.

But taking three days off right before your first wedding anniversary for hang out with friends would make me feel like I wasn’t a priority for him. I don’t think you’re being resentful at all. He’s being inconsiderate.

Post # 5
4559 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I’d be upset but maybe anniversaries aren’t a big deal to him. Either way, you need to let him know how you feel. Maybe he can shorten the golf trip to 2 days.

Have you always celebrated anniversaries before?

Post # 7
162 posts
Blushing bee

I wouldn’t be upset about the anniversary.  Would be upset if he used his vocation time (assuming he doesn’t get many days) to be with his friends for several days. I’m all for spending time with friends but if it’s really a rare for him to be able to get time off..

Post # 8
719 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

If you’ve never celebrated anniversaries before, how would he know to suddenly be different for a wedding anniversary? Just communicate with him. Hey hun I know the plans are made now, but I was really hoping we would do something special for our first anniversary, maybe next weekend can we have a nice dinner out?

Post # 9
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I would be upset that he planned a trip and got time off work without first talking to me about it. Both my hubby and I sometimes travel without the other one- but we discuss it before anything is set in stone.

We’re not big on anniversaries and had friends staying with us over our first, so just went for dinner a few days later, but I can see why you’re annoyed about that side too.

Post # 10
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

I’d be upset that he didn’t talk to me about it first… that is not very considerate. 

As for his friend trip, I imagine that he does not get to spend a lot of time with his friends? I would definitely prefer to spend my first wedding anniversary with my husband and I certainly understand how you’re feeling – your feelings are totally justified.

After my initial reaction, I would probably chill out and realize that he needs this, he needs to unwine and enjoy some bro time. Yes, the timing could have been better, but what can he do about that? After all, he probably spends a lot of time with you as is, and not a lot of time with his friends (I’m guessing).

I would mention to him that I fully expect to spend the next anniversary together and, ahem, it better be memorable. Oh and, he better make that dinner count because that is essentially your anniversary dinner – it better be good, as in, he better not spend the whole time talking about how his golf/buddy time went. 

Post # 11
1824 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Id be really upset!! Ps we got married on the same day.  Yay.  Need to figure out what we are doing. It’s come around so quickly 

Post # 12
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Guys can be oblivious, but this would hurt my feelings. I think he should’ve talked to you before he planned the trip, especially since it’s difficult for him to get time off. 

Obviously he thought about your anniversary, as he’s trying to squeeze in a dinner with you. But from what you described, I’d feel  that he did it out of obligation…. not the romantic celebration you were understandably hoping for.

I would talk to him before he leaves for the trip, and explain that these things are important to you. Maybe he can make more time for you on his last day there, or at a minimum make sure the dinner is a special time devoted to y’all connecting as a couple.

Post # 13
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Personally I hate this pressure on women to be “chill”.

You’re not being ridiculous, tell him exactly what you wrote in your post and how it makes you feel. You’re not forbidding him from seeing his friends, you just want to celebrate your first anniversary with your husband, I can’t see how anyone would think that’s unreasonable.

Post # 14
1345 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Our one year married anniverary is TODAY and we have no grand plans,we’re proably gonna hangout with his friends and watch a movie and play some Mario party lol My husband works pretty late and by the time he gets home we’ll be out the door again right after dinner. Our main day to celebrate will be tomorrow with a nice lunch/cake and a day of doing whatever we want that strikes our fancy. (Most yearly anniversaries have been like that for us since we did a lot of long distance and it finally ended last year!)  Girl chill, you can do something a little special for day of and dedicate another day to fully celebrate. Having to drive for dinner where you got married proably sucks but it’s better than nothing and still romantic since he wants to you to be there. Just talk to him

Post # 15
11821 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

If he had to work on your anniversary, I would have said that’s life. Celebrate another time. 

But you’re not being unreasonable here, he’s being beyond inconsiderate. To ask for time off to be with his golf buddies without even talking to you about it is rude and self centered even if he had a generous vacation policy! But the fact that a get away is rare and it’s your first anniversary only adds insult to injury.

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