Post # 1
Hi everyone– I need a reality check here to see if my feelings are justified.
First some background info:
Our first wedding anniversary is in one month (4/14).
My husband has a job that requires him to work weekdays and weekends. It is difficult for him to request time off.
I heard my husband talking on the phone with someone from work (this was in front of me, we were in the living room together)– he asked if it was possible for him to get a couple days off in mid-April. I immediately felt excited and assumed he was planning something for us to celebrate our anniversary.
We ate dinner, and then he informed me that his friend called him about playing in a golf tournament on the 11th, 12th, and 13th. He took the time off of work and said he would be in Temecula (WHERE WE GOT MARRIED) for that time. He said they would probably wrap things up in the afternoon on the 13th, and asked if I wanted to drive out (1.5 hour drive) and meet him for dinner, but that we would have to come back, because he will be working till late on the 14th, our anniversary.
I’m trying to be understanding, but I can’t help feeling like he’s ditching me for his golf buddies. I’m kind of hurt that he used his hard-to-come-by vacation time for his friends instead of for us– and it seems like he’s got this whole getaway planned with them and he’s just squeezing me in for a quick dinner. Not to mention, he’ll probably be exhausted from partying with them by the time we meet. I know he could have gotten Saturday and Sunday off if he didn’t take three days off earlier in the week and I’m… well… jealous and resentful.
I haven’t said anything to him because part of me really does feel like I’m being ridiculous. I don’t want to be that wife who gets mad when her husband wants to hang with his friends and I wouldn’t care if it were any other time. I’m usually pretty chill on all fronts but — DUDE IT’S OUR FIRST WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.
Am I being crazy and self-centered? Or am I right to be a little hurt? How much importance do you all put on your anniversaries?
Post # 2
I’d be upset. We prioritise each other and just took a few days off to go away on a holiday together to celebrate our one year anniversary. This kind of says you come second to golf 🙁
Post # 3
Yeah, I’d be annoyed about it- especially because he can clearly make the effort to take the time off, but not for your anniversary. I’d be making it clear to him that I didn’t appreciate the lack of consideration or acknowledgment of our anniversary and that he needed to be coming up with a plan to make it up to me.
Post # 4
Yes, I’d be hurt.
My husband had a work conference on our first anniversary. He couldn’t skip it and that’s fine because hey that’s life sometimes and we can just celebrate on a different day.
But taking three days off right before your first wedding anniversary for hang out with friends would make me feel like I wasn’t a priority for him. I don’t think you’re being resentful at all. He’s being inconsiderate.
Post # 5
I’d be upset but maybe anniversaries aren’t a big deal to him. Either way, you need to let him know how you feel. Maybe he can shorten the golf trip to 2 days.
Have you always celebrated anniversaries before?
Post # 6
We’ve never really celebrated dating anniversaries, but we do acknowledge them every year with a sweet text and a few years he has bought me flowers. I’ve always been fine with that but I assumed a wedding anniversary would be more important in terms of celebration.
He knows our wedding anniversary is important to me. We had talked about doing something special. I guess I just need to remind him. I think he assumed he was covering his bases by inviting me out to dinner, but it definitely feels like more of an afterthought.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t be upset about the anniversary. Would be upset if he used his vocation time (assuming he doesn’t get many days) to be with his friends for several days. I’m all for spending time with friends but if it’s really a rare for him to be able to get time off..
Post # 8
If you’ve never celebrated anniversaries before, how would he know to suddenly be different for a wedding anniversary? Just communicate with him. Hey hun I know the plans are made now, but I was really hoping we would do something special for our first anniversary, maybe next weekend can we have a nice dinner out?
Post # 9
I would be upset that he planned a trip and got time off work without first talking to me about it. Both my hubby and I sometimes travel without the other one- but we discuss it before anything is set in stone.
We’re not big on anniversaries and had friends staying with us over our first, so just went for dinner a few days later, but I can see why you’re annoyed about that side too.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall
I’d be upset that he didn’t talk to me about it first… that is not very considerate.
As for his friend trip, I imagine that he does not get to spend a lot of time with his friends? I would definitely prefer to spend my first wedding anniversary with my husband and I certainly understand how you’re feeling – your feelings are totally justified.
After my initial reaction, I would probably chill out and realize that he needs this, he needs to unwine and enjoy some bro time. Yes, the timing could have been better, but what can he do about that? After all, he probably spends a lot of time with you as is, and not a lot of time with his friends (I’m guessing).
I would mention to him that I fully expect to spend the next anniversary together and, ahem, it better be memorable. Oh and, he better make that dinner count because that is essentially your anniversary dinner – it better be good, as in, he better not spend the whole time talking about how his golf/buddy time went.
Post # 11
Id be really upset!! Ps we got married on the same day. Yay. Need to figure out what we are doing. It’s come around so quickly
Post # 12
Guys can be oblivious, but this would hurt my feelings. I think he should’ve talked to you before he planned the trip, especially since it’s difficult for him to get time off.
Obviously he thought about your anniversary, as he’s trying to squeeze in a dinner with you. But from what you described, I’d feel that he did it out of obligation…. not the romantic celebration you were understandably hoping for.
I would talk to him before he leaves for the trip, and explain that these things are important to you. Maybe he can make more time for you on his last day there, or at a minimum make sure the dinner is a special time devoted to y’all connecting as a couple.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2020 - City, State
Personally I hate this pressure on women to be “chill”.
You’re not being ridiculous, tell him exactly what you wrote in your post and how it makes you feel. You’re not forbidding him from seeing his friends, you just want to celebrate your first anniversary with your husband, I can’t see how anyone would think that’s unreasonable.
Post # 14
Our one year married anniverary is TODAY and we have no grand plans,we’re proably gonna hangout with his friends and watch a movie and play some Mario party lol My husband works pretty late and by the time he gets home we’ll be out the door again right after dinner. Our main day to celebrate will be tomorrow with a nice lunch/cake and a day of doing whatever we want that strikes our fancy. (Most yearly anniversaries have been like that for us since we did a lot of long distance and it finally ended last year!) Girl chill, you can do something a little special for day of and dedicate another day to fully celebrate. Having to drive for dinner where you got married proably sucks but it’s better than nothing and still romantic since he wants to you to be there. Just talk to him
Post # 15
If he had to work on your anniversary, I would have said that’s life. Celebrate another time.
But you’re not being unreasonable here, he’s being beyond inconsiderate. To ask for time off to be with his golf buddies without even talking to you about it is rude and self centered even if he had a generous vacation policy! But the fact that a get away is rare and it’s your first anniversary only adds insult to injury.