- 5 years ago
- Wedding: March 2014
I have been really hurting and unhappy, even at times to a very bad emotional state of depression in my marriage. I have been married for 1 year going on 7 months now. My husband and I didnt have too much of an intimacy together before getting married, however, I knew a few things were a problem that I had addressed with him with hopes of him changing as he promised to work on such as:
1. Hygiene – My DH is a very heavy guy and his weight has always bothered him. However, his weight has never been an issue for me except for some of his eating habits (really bad and over eats- like drinks gallons at a time of whatever he can find in the fridge). So I have always been very sympathetic about things. Before I go further, I want to tell you that my husband and I had great plans together, he had a great I loved, I loved him for him! It didnt bother so much that he was the best dresser or wore the finest cologne because I myself am very modest and down to earth and not materialistic or picky about those things. I love his heart for the youth, he is a teacher, and his passion for coaching and teaching I love. I love him because he made me happy and in my worst moments he was my closest friend and he encouraged me through a time in my life that seemed unbearable. We encouraged each other in hard times to stay positive and we fell in love with each other just both having such huge hearts. SOMETHING CHANGED THOUGH-
My husband began to tell me things to cover up things that he told me previously that was found out to be untrue. These things were very minor, so I thought, and I chucked them up to him having such self esteem issues that are up and down at times. But his attitude changed after expressing to him how his hygiene was affecting me.
– The Hygiene-
– Refuses to shower before bed and sex
– Leaves poop on the toilets or on very odd places in the restroom and becomes very upset when its found and pointed out to him to address
– Leaves terrible filth in the tub after showering and gets upset that he has to clean it
– Stays in bathroom for hours on phone ( found out that he is very addicted to porn, I assume masturbating in the bathroom)
– Wears his clothes out of the hamper regardless of the awful stench and or wrinkles and when asked to change ( especially when going out together) he gets very upset
– Has fungus on hand where is hand has become callused and hard with an entire thumb nail that has turned into a think black bed of fungus that he just clips down nearly to the cuticle until it grows back the same way) Hands feel like sand paper and he gets very angry when asked to get manicure or use lotion
– Feet (LORD) has very awful compacted nails that are also like hands, embedded with fungus and smells the entire house – gets angry when asked to see a doctor
– Argues with me after sex- penis has very bad odor and will not stay erected- sperm is very watery and jock itch very badly ( I refuse sex at times) but try to be a wife and help – but even after telling him that how much we spend on me seeing doctors due to very bad vaginal issues he still refuses to see doctor himself to improve ( I am fine when I am not intimate with DH, as soon as we are Im at the doctors)- He has gotten as angry and upset about addressing this issue as to have told me flat out that he does not care and refuses to do anything about it. (in tears) – we have no sex life- however- my DH was found with porn and masturbating – that as well he refuses to stop or change
– He began to blame me for not having better dress clothes (says that he cant afford to take care of himself because I spend money on myself to take care of me) Well I have asked him to atleast shop anywhere, even a thrift, but at least wear clothes clean fresh and ironed- He refused.
– Most recent is bad breath – Kissing him has become really hard to bare.
The above mentioned is not all, however they are the things that I find UNBEARABLE. I am sympathetic about everything else. The main thing that hurts is his attitude! The disregard and I feel disrespected! I have become hardened in my heart and feel our marriage heading for a bad end. We have really bad arguments, and I have felt so disrespected that I honestly slapped him because of the nerve of him, which I agree was wrong of me, however, he holds that against me in spite of all the things he has going on. We have tried counseling but he does nothing or forgets the things we do learn from the sessions. He tells me that I should not complain or that I am making a bigger issue out of these things than I should mainly because he feels that he makes a bit more money than me and carries the heavier end of our finances. To my surprise one day, during an argument about his hygiene, he went as far as to tell me that ” I have nothing to offer him ( no career like him, money, etc) and that he gets nothing out of the marriage, so why should he do anything?!” Im shocked, yes shocked at how he has taken a turn. He also goes to his mom about all of our private matters and purposely tries to make me out to be unreasonable and unloving, and tells her details about our private conversations of how I have felt wronged by her being too overly involved in our marriage (even buying him underwear, coming in our home and leaving them in our bedroom for him). He defends his mother and punishes me by ignoring me all the more when I do bring up how I feel about he involvement. I dont know what to do, or how much more of this I can take. I dont believe or encourage divorce but what am I to do?