(Closed) My husband's bad hygiene is driving me away – Divorce, Seperate, or Endure?

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Would you stay or Divorce?

    Stay- work on it, try to endure and hope for change

    Divorce- Got to get out!

  • Post # 106
    Member
    5081 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I just wanted to amend my previous post in light of the updates. When I read the original post, I was thinking depression may be leading him to neglect his health and hygiene and he was just being lazy and uncooperative. I didn’t realize that he was actually smearing poop all over the bathroom (the sink? really?) and throwing poopy paper on the floor (I was thinking more like he was just dirtying the bowl and leaving it there or forgetting to flush). He definitely seems to be suffering from something more serious than simple depression. I agree with PPs, he needs to see a psychiatrist and a doctor for his fungus. Interesting that a PP suggested uncontrolled diabetes, that could be the case as well. Right before my step dad was diagnosed, he was really hard to be around because of his constant terrible mood, it was all because of the diabetes being uncontrolled. So it can effect your mood.

    Regardless, whatever the actual problem is, you can’t help him if he refuses to help himself. Maybe talking to his mother would help, maybe leaving would be his reality check, but I don’t think staying and living with it without any forward progress is an option. 

    Post # 107
    Member
    1336 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

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    tyene:  I was immediately mortified that he is a teacher when I read the post.  This man has absolutely no business teaching.  I would FREAK OUT if I knew this of one of my kids teachers and I don’t even have kids.  

    Post # 108
    Member
    250 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    OP, how old is he? Apologies if I missed it earlier in the thread. Is there any evidence that this behavior has been a persistent pattern throughout his life?

    Post # 109
    Member
    87 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    Ok, so this thread has been going on for a while and the general consensus is to leave.

    OP, what’s your next step?

    Post # 111
    Member
    4844 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Is there a social services option? Like, maybe he needs to be brought in and assessed weather he likes it or not. That would be a relationship ending call likely, but if he’s so depressed and delusional that he can’t care for himself I’d argue that he might need outside care. I’m really sorry you’re in this position. 

    Post # 112
    Member
    36 posts
    Newbee

    I’m definitely not suggesting you stay with your husband since that’s ultimately up to you, but is your issue with infection after sex a case of urinary tract infection? It’s fairly common for some women to get UTIs after sex regardless of their partner’s hygiene. You can get a prescription for an after-sex pill that helps alleviate this problem, assuming that’s the infection problem you’re having. As for the hygiene issue, he sounds like the dirtiest person I’ve ever heard. I don’t think I could stay with someone like that, and I’m definitely not a clean-freak.

    Post # 113
    Member
    452 posts
    Helper bee

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    soleil200:  I came on here intrigued to see other responses as sometimes my partner’s hygeine irritates me – forgetting to brush his teeth, wearing the same underwear 2 days in a row, skipping a day showering. I, however, would not be able to handle what is happening with your husband OP. I may have missed it, but if he was different prior to your marriage, and is now like this, I am so sorry you are in this situation.

    Post # 114
    Member
    729 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    PhoenixLaLa:  If this is happening a lot, a good doctor should discuss potential causes before rushing to the pills. Many UTIs are caused by women not urinating promptly after sex, or improper hygiene (like wiping from front to back). It’s absolutely possible for a partner’s bad hygiene to cause one. I’m not discounting what you’re saying, and you’re totally right that some women are unfortunately just really prone to them, but given the OP’s description, it sounds like the cause is really clear in this case.

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  Nontra.
    Post # 115
    Member
    36 posts
    Newbee

    View original reply
    Nontra:  Fair enough, and admittedly this is not a problem that I have, so I’m definitely no expert.  I just knew someone this same issue was happening to some years ago and she was really distraught about it.  Then she discovered that UTIs can be common and fairly easily fixable and it improved their sex life immensely.  It certainly made her happy to be able to have sex without worrying about infection!  She also tried some home remedies before she ended up going the pill route–like cranberry juice, etc.  Unfortunately in her case I guess her problem was severe enough to warrant the pills.  I just thought I’d offer the idea since it had helped my friend immensely.  In OP’s case it may very well be her partner (and given his hygiene it would explain a lot!), but thought I’d offer up the tip nonetheless 🙂

    Post # 116
    Member
    729 posts
    Busy bee

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    PhoenixLaLa:  Definitely good info to have 🙂 Your poor friend… I hope it’s all under control now!

    Post # 117
    Member
    715 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I’d be leaving. I couldn’t be with someone whose that gross, but also refuses help for mental illness. Sorry I know it’s hard but if having sex sends you to the doctor that’s just messed up and unhealthy.

    Post # 118
    Member
    333 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    Exactly. As a person with mental ilness – on recovery – living with someone who refuses to be treated is a nightmare.

    I honestly can’t imagine living like that. Thst’s just growse. 

    Post # 119
    Member
    2180 posts
    Buzzing bee

    This post is nightmare fuel.

    OP, I’m glad you got some perspective, and I hope you’re taking the necessary steps to seperate from this situation and enhance your quality of life. 

    Post # 120
    Member
    3534 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

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    soleil200:  are you sure he doesn’t have a drug problem? That and mental illness are the ONLY explanations I can come up with for all of his behavior. 

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