(Closed) My husband's bad hygiene is driving me away – Divorce, Seperate, or Endure?

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Would you stay or Divorce?

    Stay- work on it, try to endure and hope for change

    Divorce- Got to get out!

  • Post # 121
    Member
    302 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    lol yall are such crack ups to get so angry over this when it isn’t even your own life. Pretty hilarious.

    I wont argue and debate over this, I’ve got much better things to do.

    if you think giving up on your marriage is OK because your partner suffers a mental illness like this (that does not harm you), I’d like to see how your marriage would stand after a serious illness.

    its no wonder the divorce rate is so high. My heart breaks at the lack of genuine commitment.

    Post # 122
    Member
    1017 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

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    anonladygrace:  what?!  This is actually, physically harming her. Maybe you didn’t read the part where his diseased body is causing her to get infections.  He is both physically and mentally harming her.  Leaving poop on the floor, as a functioning adult, so that your wife can step in it, is harming her too. That has got to cause a lot of undue stress

    Post # 123
    Member
    302 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    we choose to be stressed, a lesson I learned a few years ago.

    the diseases could be prevented by condoms.

    yes he needs to address these issues but no divorce is not the right answer.

    the poop, I highly doubt is on purpose and likely happened only a couple of times. I doubt that every time he poops he just throws toilet paper on the floor after he wipes and finger paints the house with poop. It was probably a couple times because he doesn’t wash his hands after he poops.disgusting? Yes. Divorce worthy? No, especially if not on purpose.

    Post # 124
    Member
    3212 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

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    anonladygrace:  you think OP should overlook poop smeared liberally throughout her house by her grown husband and frequent sexually transmitted infections, yet you had a big fight with your husband because he likes to play guitar more than you think he ought and asked the bee where you should go from that impasse? Interesting. 

     

    http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/fight-with-husband-yesterday-where-to-go-from-here/ 

     

    Post # 125
    Member
    1526 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2016

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    anonladygrace:  I would not support my husband through a mental illness that he refused to seek treatment for. As I said in an earlier post I had an immediate family member whose depression got so bad that she couldn’t even bathe herself and I did it for her. The DIFFERENCE is that she would go to her Dr appts. I would drive her there, pick up her prescriptions, and do anything else I could to help her but she had to participate minimally and talk to the Dr and take her pills!

    She recovered thankfully. I wouldn’t help my husband take care of himself if he had a serious illness and refused to even talk to a doctor. I would stop enabling him until he figured out that he needed help. You cannot help someone who is determined to ignore the problems.

    Post # 126
    Member
    471 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015 - Drury Lane Oakbrook

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    babeba:  You just helped me write my wedding vows:

    “I pledge  to love you as you are, a non-poop smearing, overweight but regularly clean individual.”

     

    Post # 127
    Member
    3212 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    View original reply
    Mrs.Vanilla:  I’m glad I could help!

    Post # 128
    Member
    4844 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Also, have you spoken to his family? 

    Post # 129
    Member
    1414 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    At this point I would have lost all attraction and respect for your DH. I am so very sorry you have been going through this. I get upset just if a guy is messy at all so I was hurting for you reading your posts, as your situation is so so much worse than garden variety leaving empty pizza box on the sofa and unsoaked dirty dishes in the sink. You need to reclaim that you are a queen, a gem, not a doormat. It’s time to take care of YOU by leaving him without guilt! 

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  littlechickie.
    Post # 130
    Member
    3163 posts
    Sugar bee

    Babe, you’ve got to leave. you sound like a really kind, caring person but you shouldn’t be staying married out of charity. 

    Post # 131
    Member
    184 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    This is all VERY disgusting and I could not live with this! That said please try again to get him to see Dr. Most of this sounds like diabetes. Weight gain, explosive diarrhea (COULD be causing the mess), excessive thirst, fungal infections, penile candida,watery semen, smelling feet (swelling, rough patches and sores), halitosis, mood swings and anger….. All symptoms of diabetes.

    None of that excuses the fact that he refuses help, doesn’t clean up after himself, doesn’t bath, brush his teeth or wear clean clothes but maybe some of this could be alleviated with medical help..

    Post # 132
    Member
    134 posts
    Blushing bee

    For me, bad hygiene is a deal breaker. One of the main things I find attractive is a clean man, and the smell of cleanliness is a sexual turn on for me. So there’s no way I could have ever let myself get this far into a relationship with this type of person. Having said that…it’s too hard to change him at this stage of his life. I just couldn’t do it… I’d leave… I’d leave… I’d leave. You’ve already said things that I couldn’t even imagine dealing with.

    Post # 133
    Member
    376 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    I’m definitely not one to recommend separation lightly, as I – like you – believe in the sanctity of marriage, but enough is enough! You have given it your all and yet he refuses to address his issues and willingly jeopardizes your health as well as his own. So in all honesty, I would distance myself from him – at least temporarily as long as he refuses to do something about the situation. I’d talk to his mom, tell her to take care of him and get out of there asap.

     

    Post # 134
    Member
    5217 posts
    Bee Keeper

    View original reply
    anonladygrace:  He isn’t mentally ill. When hygiene is affected by depression, it is because they have gotten to a point where there is a failure to thrive or paranoia from psycosis. There is nothing to indicate that is going on from her post. There are a lot of people that live like that by their own choice. How can you say it isn’t affecting her when it’s sent her to the doctor multiple times?

    I am non plussed how you can criticize her for not being supportive(she clips his fungus encrusted toe nails. What else do you want her to do?), yet gloss over his porn use? From a biblical perspective, that is a type of infidelity. He is not honoring her at all. 

    Post # 135
    Member
    5217 posts
    Bee Keeper

    View original reply
    soleil200:  OP, I am so sorry this is happening! The worst part of this whole story to me is that it’s a modifiable issue, and he refuses to change! Like, if he would just ckean up his act and put down the porn, you could be happy.

    Honestly, as another Christian, I understand your struggle with the thought of ending your marriage. The porn issue would be a possible deal breaker for me, as I would consider that a type of infidelity(no offense to other bees. I know many couples enjoy porn or don’t care about porn use. No judgement here, I’m speaking one Christian to another). He sounds like he has a porn addiction. That woukd be enough to justify separating for now, IMO. I would not live with that.

    I don’t even know what to tell you about his hygiene :/ That has to be something he wants to change or cares about. Would let you  take him to a dermatologist?

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