Woo, a lot more replies since this morning. Thanks, guys. You know, I really don’t know if somehow he was ‘better’ in the past and that’s why he’s drawn to focusing so much on that. I think maybe it was the fact that they were all LDRs, so there was some element of “magic” there. It was exciting and new every time because they barely saw each other. He could go, have his time there, then come home and have his own separate life again. Other than that, the present is really better for him in every other way.
Those of you who wouldn’t have put up with it – well, you’re right. No one should. And while I had that nagging thought so often, I’d dismiss it with “I’m just being too…x, y and z.” Then it was, “But if I leave, I’ll find someone worse, probably. May as well stick with what I know.” And the ultimate, “If I leave, who else will want me?” Low self-esteem is a nasty thing. I have finally gotten to a better place emotionally in that regard, and look back on what I put up with in horror.
I’d like to still point out – this is only the first or second incident related to the exes in 2 years. He has not made comparisons between us, even brought them up, in at least that long.
I will say, though, that I brought this issue up with him. And, as predicted, found myself quite disappointed.
I told him, yes, that discs were fine – but I wanted them in places where I wouldn’t find them. But there’s a key detail I forgot to mention: Several months ago, he voluntarily took some copies of those photo CDs. I was under the impression that these were the *last* discs. He asked if they bothered me, and I answered honestly. He willingly cracked them and threw them out. The immediate feeling, of course, was levity and freedom. I think he was well aware of what he was doing – what I thought was happening.
I feel like a complete fool to be here knowing that he had another copy, and in a way, he was just putting on a ‘show’ for me.
Tonight, I approached him with the disc and said, “Hey, I found this.” He looked at it, sighed at me and said, “Yeah?”
I reminded him about the old discs and their demise at his hands. His response was just a curt, “I made a back-up. I have back-ups of lots of other stuff, too,” and made a point to show me some of the other discs he has. To be fair, I didn’t really look at them. For all I know, that’s where he keeps the stuff that’s even worse (I’m being facetious. I made myself laugh with that one :D).
We then went to dinner and had the most awkwardly silent hour and a half of our lives together. And now we’re home, having even more awkwardly silent time together.
I think I will start packing soon. This is obviously an issue that’s never going to be resolved, and I shudder to think that I ever thought it was. The stubbornness is absurd, and I’m no longer content with feeling like a second-class citizen in my marriage or my home. He never would have put up with this from me.
Giving him a taste of his own medicine doesn’t exactly work, as I’ve only one ex – and it’s been well-established by family, friends and me that the relationship was God awful. I suspect that even if I did sink to taste-of-his-own-medicine style stuff, he’d just start laughing. And I don’t have a shred of anything related to my ex left. When I moved in with my husband and discovered a box of some old items (stored since that break-up), I promptly destroyed them.