(Closed) My husband's friend sends him porn pics as a "joke"

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Is this a bad sign?
    definitely : (17 votes)
    12 %
    no they're just joking around : (102 votes)
    71 %
    possibly : (24 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2098 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    No matter the content, it’s that it makes you uncomfortable. Tell your husband you find it uncomfotable and innapropriate. Then kindly ask him to either keep the photos to himself or ask his friend to stop sending them if he finds it nasty and innapropriate.

    I’m wondering if your husband doesn’t like to see them but shows them to you, to feel the ick factor less. I find it innapropriate to send any married man or woman sex acts of other men and women. You could tell your husband that it’s beginning to wear on you and you don’t feel his friend respects your relationship very much, so you don’t want to see anything involving him.

     

    It doesn’t matter what his friend’s sexual orientation is…

    Post # 4
    Member
    3770 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    All of my close guy friends from high school do this.  It’s silly, but they think it’s super funny for some reason, and none of them are gay.  Without knowing anything else about your husband or his friend, I would say it’s nothing to be too concerned about!

    Post # 5
    Member
    4275 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    This is just one of those stupid things that some guys do. Nothing to worry about. It dosn’t mean he is gay (although I don’t see why it matters). and your husband dosn’t say anything because he knows it is a joke and dosn’t take it seriously.

    Post # 6
    Member
    248 posts
    Helper bee

    @temporary:  

    To me this just reads as an immature sense of humor on both parts. Due to the fact that your husband probably sends him back an ‘lol’ or ‘that’s nasty’ he assumes that your husband finds it funny as well so why would he stop? It is a mutual exchange that they both laugh at and I wouldn’t read farther into it then that. I could be reading too far into this but it seems as though you are questioning the orientation of both the friend and your husband. The sexual orientation of the friend really doesn’t matter but even if he was gay it wouldn’t and shouldn’t affect your husband or their relationship. If you are uncomfortable let your husband know but make sure you do not enter the conversation with  ‘is your friend secretly gay?’. This makes it seem like you are also questioning your husband’s orientation and entering the discussion in a  confrontational manner.  Out of curiosity, would be you as uncomfortable if it was male/female or female/female porn?  

    Post # 8
    Member
    1109 posts
    Bumble bee

    @temporary:  my fiances best friend used to do this, but with women and those anime girls. I told my fiance how annoying and disrespectful that is. He kept telling me it was fine that he just ignores it. Once his friend sent a picture of this girl and it had some really degrading wording on it and he also posted the picture to my Fiance facebook page. I was really embarrassed. He blocked his friend after deleting the post. He then took his friend to dinner and they talked about it. i have no idea what was said but I recieved an applogy text from the friend and there hasnt been a dirty photo in 2 years. I just dont understand why sending dirty photos are so entertaining lol

    After thought; i wonder how funny it would be if your fiance picked up your phone to realize your bestfriend was sending you pics of other men. haha

    Post # 9
    Member
    1074 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Be glad it’s gay porn and not each other’s bowel movements.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1109 posts
    Bumble bee

    @JackiBean:  ugh I had a friend who thought that pics of his bowel movements were endearing. Still single and no potential suitor in sight lol

    Post # 11
    Member
    9056 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Yeah, my husband has a buddy that does this as well.  Not always gay porn, but usually.  I think he does it just because he thinks it’s funny to cause porn pop up on his friend’s phones hopefully at an awkward time, since they all have iPhones, which the message will just pop up on the screen. 

     @JackiBean:  It’s also sometimes his own particularly nasty bowel movements, or ones from google searches. 

    The male psyche is a scary place…

    Post # 12
    Member
    10367 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    1. A lot of guys joke around about this stuff. i find it kind of immature and homophobic, but not a sign one of them is gay.

    2. If the friend IS gay, why would that be something to worry about? Why would it even matter?

    Post # 13
    Member
    1074 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @crayfish:  Agreed, it’s not much to worry about if the friend is gay, but if your fiance is gay, yes, that might be a problem for you two.

    I work at an all boy school. There is not a single, openly gay student in the whole group but I have a feeling that some of them are deeply repressing who they really are based on ignorant and cruel comments about homosexuality from the student body. For those that mock the hardest, I have a feeling that there’s something deep inside that might be curious and that scares them, so they lash out.

    Has anyone seen those Glee episodes about the one football kid that taunts Kurt the most?

    Even if the friend has gay curiosity, maybe someone should let him know that they have an open ear if he ever wants to talk. The gay porn is not always an indicator of repressed feelings, but it might be a red flag to look for. Some guys genuinely think it’s harmless and funny. Some might be reaching out for attention.

    Whatever it is, it’s something for your Fiance and your FI’s friend to talk about if he has a problem with it.

    Guys are so weird sometimes.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2463 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I would definitely be bothered by this, but not for the reason you imply: I’d find it incredibly homophobic and disrespectful in general, and I personally wouldn’t even be friends with someone who thought that it was “funny” to shame someone’s sexual orientation or preferences like this

    Post # 15
    Member
    7771 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Nothing about this is normal.  I can see, as a joke, maybe the friend sending one pic or two pics or this going on for a week or two- at most.  However, it sounds like it keeps on going on and is weirding you out- so- no.  It is not okay.  I don’t really see how gay porn is a joke, anyway?  I would think the friend secretly does like these things.  I would ask it to stop.  Be open about your feelings.  It sounds like a weird obsession disguised as a joke.  I don’t think it is funny or cool or healthy.  And if they are making fun of someone else’s sexuality, that is incredibly disrespectful and homophobic.  Either way, I think it is disrespectful to you.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1547 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    well… i used to do that with a friend of mine, but it was man-woman…

    then again i was 18 y/o, lol

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