- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2010
I’m a newlywed (Sept 2010!), and a new step-mom as well. I have a school-aged child from my first marriage & he has a toddler and a preschooler from his. We got married within a year of our first date, it was very romantic and a fun ceremony and reception. I made sure to cater to all the relatives, children, and any special needs. It was a huge success, a perfect wedding and reception. And things are going great; life as a family of five is wonderful if not totally exhausting at times! We are trying to conceive a child, build a house together.
My husband’s sister is close in age to us, lives out of state. I was thrilled by her initial reaction to me when my husband and I started dating as she seemed really happy for him. I sent her cookies, she and I agreed we would need to hang out when she was in town again. It seemed like my husband’s sister was a potentially great friend for me and I couldn’t wait to meet her.
Then we got engaged. The sister seemed to lose all interest in being my friend. She came to visit relatives around the time I was in the thick of wedding planning, and I met her, but she wasn’t friendly. It was so disappointing. I felt stung by her complete disinterest in me. I found out from other relatives that she had been upset because we had chosen to have our ceremony in her 2nd choice of dream wedding setting, at her grandmother’s house on the Atlantic coast. Her first choice, unfortunately, another family property, had been the place my husband chose for his *first* wedding. So, her brother had taken all the good places!
I thought, on hearing that, that she was kind of joking about him “taking” all the good places. She wasn’t. And to make matters worse, she was frustrated that her boyfriend hadn’t proposed after five years of dating. Perhaps she was also a little envious of me and that was the real problem.
Anyway, my husband and I went on with our idea for our wedding, and like I said, it went off without a hitch. A few months later the sister got engaged and we were so excited for her! She is designing a really time consuming weekend of events. I was glad to hear that the wedding ceremony will be on the same location as our wedding, but then the reception will to be at the other family property, where my husband’s first reception was. This is hard for me. I realize it doesn’t matter how I feel about her wedding reception venue! But this is a place I hate going, because I always think about his exwife, their ceremony, and the 8 years together they had that I had to clean up after when I came on the scene. (Lots of inertia in this family –I once had to sleep in a bed at a family home next to a wall of photos of said reception including his ex-wife kissing him, and their wedding cake) So, I figured it would kind of suck to go to a wedding reception there, but I’d get through it. Duh..
Naturally, I congratulated the sister and offered to help. I praised her picks of venues.
Then the sister did something wonderful. She asked my husband to officiate the wedding! Everyone was thrilled. Then the bad news came, as officiator, he was to be a member of the wedding party, and therefore had to travel from the wedding ceremony to the reception in a “party bus” and I couldn’t travel with him. The sister said to my husband that “it would be hard for (me) to wrangle all the kids from one place to the other by myself, but that’s what (she) needs to have happen.”
I was like, “no, I am not taking three kids by myself from a wedding to a reception an hour away when the reception is *that place* and deal with our children all by myself. I wrote to the sister and told her that we were very happy about her choice for the ceremony but we’d need to travel together to the reception as her brother is my husband and date for this event.
Then all heck broke loose. She called him crying, said I was mean, said she couldn’t deal with going to her wedding reception without him in the party bus. She needed her 6 bridesmaids and 6 groomsmen and her new husband AND her brother or she wouldn’t be able to manage. She told my husband he couldn’t bring *me* in the bus because none of the other party bus goers would have their “dates” with them.
I told my husband that it wasn’t ok to separate us and he stood by me. (edited to add: but not without a huge fight. He went behind my back first, and promised her he’d do what she wanted, after talking with me about it. I was enraged, had too much martini at dinner, and sent her a dumb email saying that I had forgotten a prior engagement the weekend of her wedding and wouldn’t be able to make it. I stupidly thougth this was a brilliant way to avoid dealing with the mess. Later I apologized for being so stupid and rude. My husband and I made up, but I am telling you, it was HORRIBLE.)
He took back his agreement. He explained to her that he loves her, supports whatever choice she makes, but he agrees that he should go with me and the kids to my first family wedding. The sister now hates me, hired someone else to officiate, uninvited me to her wedding shower, unfriended me on facebook, and had her fiancé write us a long, nasty letter calling me selfish and infantile.
Things have since deteriorated and I am miserable. I wish I could not even go to this wedding. We are building a house on the edge of the property where the ceremony will be held, and I made it very clear to the builders that nothing unsightly should be on site until after the wedding and festivities this summer. The sister wrote to my husband when she heard we were building there and asked for nothing to be done until after her wedding. When he told her I had already made sure of that, she told him she didn’t believe it, and told him to “control his wife.”
For the record, I have apologized profusely, and have tried to explain my side of this. I have only been happy for her and accomodating up until now. She never got any complaint out of us over her rudeness at the time of our wedding –she complained about everything, came to a dinner she wasn’t even invited to (for our wedding party!), late, and ill-tempered. We welcomed her to that dinner, paid for her meal, delayed the event about 2 hours so she could join us! — I think weddings should be pleasant and considerate of guests, not raw displays of bride power. I really don’t understand the bride-as-tyrant concept, or how it has become so popular.