Post # 1
So I want to make sure I’m not being too unreasonable before I approach my inlaws-
My FH and I are getting married on a Saturday and wanted to fly away to our honeymoon early the next morning… however his parents feel like opening presents are a special time for the PARENTS (!) and since they’re out of towners (they live a 5 hour drive away) they want us to open the presents before we leave (aka the morning after our wedding night) so that they won’t have to return the following week.
We’d open half at my parents and half at his, BUT since the wedding is in a different country, all the presents will need to be opened before we cross the border, so opening presents at his parents house is not an option.
My FH wants his parents to be happy and wants to avoid an argument, and has said we can delay our honeymoon a day… but I don’t feel like we should have to! I don’t want to wake up the next morning to sit around with our parents and get the awkward ‘so how was your night?’ looks. My parents don’t about the present opening, they say it’s our choice… I just wish my Future In-Laws were a little more understanding!
Sigh… am I being unreasonable? Any advice?
*FYI The wedding is in Canada and his parents are from the states… so I don’t think there’s too much of a cultural influence 🙂
Post # 3
I’d delay it for a day.
You don’t want your relationship with your in-laws to start out on the wrong foot. Making them happy this one time will go a long way for your relationship in the future.
Post # 4
Hmmmm, I’ve never heard of this. I have zero plans to involve either of our parents in the opening of cards/presents. We’re probably going to open the cards in the car on the way back to the city.
I would just give his parents some excuse about flight times or vacation days or something and leave when you want to.
Post # 5
I have heard of couples hanging out with their families the next day opening presents but I wasn’t aware that it was a big thing. Maybe its cultural. That being said, I wouldn’t be opposed to postponing my honeymoon a day. In fact, we decided to do that. We have one full day in between our wedding and the honeymoon because we assume we’ll just need some extra time to relax before a full day of traveling. This sounds like something that I’d do to avoid a fight with the in-laws and Fiance. Hope it works out!
Post # 6
I agree with @HotChildInTheCity. I haven’t ever heard of this and think you should make an excuse about flights or hotels etc. I think it’s kind of rude of them to not let you jet off on your honeymoon after the stress of planning and having a wedding.
Also see how weird the ‘morning after’ looks/chat would be.
Post # 7
maybe it’s a cultural thing – i haven’t heard of public opening of gifts. I wouldn’t delay the honeymoon for it. In fact, if we were in your situation, we wouldn’t even open them til we returned from the honeymoon. There are a few other things to do after the wedding (*ahem*) that trump gift opening.
Post # 8
Honestly I think you’ll be exhausted after the wedding. I would wait a day just because of that!
Post # 9
… opening presents with parents sounds a little… I dunno, materialistic? It feels like they want to see what you got! I’ve never heard of that before, but in the name of keeping the peace, I’d delay it for a day. Yes, it stinks. But you’ll be married to them (literally and figuritively) so you may as well get along from the get go. It’s such a small thing, really. 24 hours is nothing!
Post # 10
I was actually planning on having my mom open them all while we were on our honeymoon and let her write down who they were from, ect. Save us the hassle! 🙂 But we are grateful we are getting them just not sure that is what I want to do when i get home from a needed vacation!
Post # 11
If you havent booked your trip yet I say maybe you should just wait a day and open the presents with your FIL’s.
Post # 12
I understand your feelings about wanting to jet off right after the wedding. I wanted to as well, but after some thought (and reading a bit on the boards) we decided to postpone a day so we have time to pack and relax a bit before a day of travel. I don’t think postponing a day is that big of a deal, especially if it is going to appease your in-laws. you can do the gift thing in the morning and take the rest of the day to pack and get ready.
Post # 13
I’ve never heard of this but I think peace is priceless! If you haven’t already booked then I would say delaying the honeymoon by one day might be worth its weight in years of good will! If you’ve already booked then that’s a good excuse for not doing it…and you might be happy to have an extra day to gather up anything you may need for the honeymoon…
Post # 14
If it were me? I wouldn’t do it. I understand that you do not want to offend your Future In-Laws, BUT you do need to establish some boundaries or you could be setting your self up for a life time of pain. I really believe that a married couple has to live their lives independently & separately to have a solid marital bond. If you have already decided that this is what you want to go, then you’ll just have to tell his parents that you would love to, but you already have plans for that day and you just can’t. You should not have to change all your plans and inconvenience yourself for what (as I see it) is an unusual and unreasonable request. They are your gifts, not you Future In-Laws gifts and you should be able to open them when you want to, not when you are forced to. I don’t know about anyone, but when my Fiance & I are making wedding choices, I want to make it VERY clear that he & I are now a unit and that we make our own decisions b/c I do not want to have in-laws trying to make decisions for me.
Post # 15
I had a destination wedding (my hometown) like you. We left the very next morning after the wedding for our honeymoon (bright and ridiculously early, because we were taking a cruise). But we went back to my parents house after the reception and opened presents at like 11 o’clock at night so that everyone could see. Also, since we had a wedding away from where we live otherwise we wouldn’t have gotten to open our own presents until a month later. It was fun to open presents with everyone!
I really wish I had been able to open presents the next morning though, and see a little more of our out of town guests at the Sunday brunch my parents threw. I would delay your honeymoon for a day, as long as that doesn’t mess up your honeymoon plans you’ve already made. It’s not worth it to pay to reschedule plane tickets but if it’s flexible I think you’d appreciate the extra time in your schedule. Even if you weren’t delaying to open presents, you are really going to want the extra day to relax and get your things together for the honeymoon. The last thing you want to do on your wedding night is worry about whether you have everything packed for your honeymoon. I had to and it was stressful! As for weird looks at the couple the day after the wedding…I have been to weddings where the couple was in attenance the day after, and I did not feel weird nor did they seem to feel awkward for any reason. I think you’ll probably fine and will hopefully be grateful for the extra relaxation time before you have to travel for your honeymoon. Good luck 🙂
Post # 16
Eh, I totally see why you’re frustrated, but is it really worth a fight? I mean, I think it’s the principal of the thing–that you should be making these decisions, not your Future In-Laws, but practically speaking, delaying a day might actually be a good thing. We’re delaying several days. We’re getting married on the Saturday of a three-day holiday weekend, and we’re not leaving until Tuesday, because we’re hoping our guests will hang around and make a mini-vacay out of it, and that way we actually get to see them! But most of our guests are coming from out of town because we live pretty far from our families and everyone on the guest list. The wedding day is going to be so hectic that you very likely won’t be able to really see or talk to all the people who came all that way to be with you, so the extra day might be a nice opportunity to do that. So, while I would totally be offended if my Future In-Laws were dictating my scheduling, I think in this case you can be the bigger person AND get the benefit of an extra day in town. Win-win!