My inlaws are concerned that i dont help enough with our newborn

posted 2 weeks ago in Parenting
Post # 106
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

Kslim13 :  coming from someone who thinks all her husband is good for is mowing the lawn…. I cant imagine that view working for the majority of marriages..

Lucky it only needs to work in our marriage then : )

Post # 107
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

zzar45 :  yes her son is her business but for her to give opinions on his marriage is not and correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t making quips about his wife not doing her dair share literally the definition of getting involved in their marriage. I mean what does she hope to accomplish by saying that? A fight between son and his wife? His mom should have just said something like, “son I’m so sorry that the new baby is making you so exhausted i can relate I felt the same way when I was a new parent.” I dunno something to that effect of sympathizing without making snarky comments about hs wife or getting involved in the marriage. Other posters have clearly agreed by saying the same thing the mil shouldn’t get involved with the marriage. Not to mention obviously the Mother-In-Law having a don was a new mom once another mother should understand and get the position of a new mother and the exhaustion not be tearing a new mother down. That’s the problem I have with how this whole thing played out.

Post # 108
Member
9354 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2016

I saw the large post count and came for the chisme.

OP, tell your in laws to suck it. 

Post # 109
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee

Hunnibee88 :  I will clarify that when I say that it’s not up to you or anyone else to dictate how she feels, I mean that it’s not up to any of us to tell her how she should be parenting (which you did) because we don’t KNOW how she’s handling being a new parent and we don’t know how her workload compares to her husband’s. I didn’t mean that you literally told her how to feel, I suppose I didn’t word my sentence clearly. 

I still don’t understand why you seem to think that her husbands job outside of the home is more work than her job inside of the home. So he drives to an office/job site every day… that automatically means that his work is more physically and emotionally exhausting than hers? Also, you have no idea how her child sleeps or what kind of duties she needs to complete during the day. Saying that she can “sleep till any time during the day” is dismissive as hell, and I maintain that the idea that he shouldn’t have to share the baby workload is ridiculous. I am a Stay-At-Home Mom. I quit my job to raise my kids. Yes, I’m a mother 24 hours a day but I’m only a “SAHM” during my husbands working hours. That is my job and my contribution during the day. I put my career down on hold for it, it’s hard work, it’s exhausting, it’s draining… it’s not a vacation and there’s rarely any downtime or breaks. When he comes home, we parent together and that includes the overnight portion of the day. Expecting one parent (who’s in a partnership) to be the sole parent for 24 hours a day is horrible.

Let’s say for argument sake: he works from 9-5 and gets home at 6. They eat dinner at 6:30 and baby goes to bed at 8. Husband should only have to parent for 1.5 hours a day? Nah. Just because you did things differently doesn’t mean that it’s right for everyone else. OP is honest about needing more support from her husband than some other people. Nothing wrong with it at all. I’m the same way, and my husband has no issue pulling his weight. I’d be crushed to have people treat me like less of a mother because I expect my husband to parent more than an hour or two a day. 

ETA: I just read OP’s update where she explained that her husband doesn’t work a 9-5 job… but my response to you remains the same because your post was still problematic AF. 

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