(Closed) my invitations arrived today!!! non-sexist way to address them?

posted 8 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m glad someone else appreciates the sexism! I suppose I was totally informal but I left off the Mr and Mrs. Actually a lot of our friends are Dr and Dr and have different last names anyway. I’d be pissed if I wasn’t addressed as Dr. my name, but then again, I’m not changing my last name. I’d go with Mr John and Mrs Jane Smith, or Mr John Doe and Mrs Jane Smith.

Congrats on the fabulous invites!

Post # 4
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m struggling with this too.  It’s ok for me to just do people’s first names because we’re going a little more informal.  However if you are doing formal then I think writing out “Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Jane Smith” looks much better than “Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith” Just try to keep the whole thing on one line, because writing it on two implies that they aren’t married (that’s how you do couples who are living together, roommates, etc.)

Post # 5
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Sorry, I’m not much help.  We went the informal route and just did “John and Jane Smith” and “John Smith and Jane Jones” – no Mr. and Mrs. anything.  I said that if I decide to change my name, I’ll be fine with Mrs. MyFirstName FILastName, but I will never be Mrs. FIFirstName FILastName 🙂

Post # 6
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Sigh, I whined for so long over this issue…

In the end I put “Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe”, I wasn’t completely satisfied but it’s the closest I got to a compromise while keeping the formal style (The other option would have been to spell out each person’s name aka Mr John Doe and Mrs. Jane Doe and hope it fits on a single line.)

Post # 7
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I also did Jane and John Smith…both because I didn’t want to worry about being correct, and I did my own calligraphy and didn’t want to write Mr. and Mrs. ninety times.

Post # 8
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

We just used first and last names. Married couples we linked by an “and”, non-married couples simply with the names in separate lines, with a comma separating. Also, most married couples we know have different last names anyway, so yeah…

So, for married, same last name we did: Jane and John Doe (or John and Jane Doe, depending on how their first names flow together).

Married with different name we did: Jane Everygal and John Everyman (or viceversa, again depending on how their names flow).

Non-married, we did: Jane Woman, John Man (or viceversa), with the names in separate lines.

Yeah, we didn’t follow addressing etiquette at all, lol 😛

Post # 9
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011 - Anthony’s Fine Dining

This is a toughie for me too…I’m a traditionalist but I’m also a feminist!  I looked on Emily Post (http://www.emilypost.com/everyday/forms_of_address.htm) and it said that a lot more options are acceptable nowadays.  I would probably change it up based on whom it was addressed to.

Another interesting point I found on Emily Post was that it’s typical to list whoever has “higher rank” first.  Does that mean to list “Dr. and Mr.” if the wife is a doctor?  Or does rank refer to who ranks higher with you (as in who your blood relative is)…so if I’m a Smith, it would say “Mrs. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe.”  Thoughts?

Post # 10
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

For most of mine, I did Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith.  It seemed repetetive, but I like including the women and this is how we plan on being announced after the ceremony (“Mr. and Mrs. Brandon and Michelle R”).

Post # 11
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Julia- I think the higher rank is referring to Dr. vs. Mr. think.  It would look kind of weird to do something like Mr. John and The Honorable Jane Smith (or whatever)

Post # 12
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

What about…

Jane and John Smith?

and avoid the SUPER AWKWARD Mrs. Alice and Mr. John Smith – BLAHH haha sorry I’m a stationer and bad addressing is my personal pet peeve…

Addressing is really simple. First names OR Mr. & Mrs. Last name.

If ladies didnt want to be Mrs. John Smith , they’d still be Mrs. Jane Doe

Don’t worry about using their married name if they took it. – After all, they chose to take the name, unless they chose to keep their maiden name or hyphenate…

Post # 13
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think we just did the Mr and Mrs Last Name, perhaps informal but ….. it made it from being horribly long.

Post # 14
Member
2859 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden

I’m just planning on doing it the informal way. “Peter and Lois Griffin” or whatever. I wouldn’t feel right addressing a couple as “Mr. and Mrs. Peter Griffin.”

Post # 15
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

If you know you have someone who will be offended by the traditional Mr. and Mrs. John Doe, then I’d use “Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe”

But do you think anybody who changed their name to their husband’s and goes by Mrs. will be offended? idk. I hope I don’t offend anyone with my traditional wording.

Another option would be to go traditional on the outer envelope and then just use both first names on the inner envelope with or without a last name.

Post # 16
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I was like danadelphia. Didn’t have the Mr. or Mrs. Just “John and Jane Doe” I HATE the “Mr. & Mrs. Husband First & Last Name”

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