Post # 1
My father is a jerk. Always has been, always will. I am throwing MYSELF an engagement party this weekend with friends and family and invited him and my step mom and he told me he isn’t going to come. No reason what so ever. I was not going to have him walk me down the aisle but now I am considering not inviting him to the wedding at all. I am not close with and never have been. He was abusive to us as kids. But I assumed he would be happy for me and at least come to this
He hasn’t offered any kind of help and he knows we are struggling. I am tempted to write him an email about how angry I am and how much this has hurt me and how I am considering not even inviting him to the wedding. Only concern is my younger brother and sister are in my bridal party and live with him and since they are minors he has the right to say they can’t be in my wedding.
Advice Bees, I am emotional
Post # 3
I’d say to keep the peace for the sake of your siblings. Just don’t go out of your way to include him in anything and don’t get your hopes up that he will do anything to be a part of your special day.
Post # 4
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this right. It must be incredibly hurtful and frustrating!!
I would hold off on sending any emails before you calm down a little bit. You might regret completely cutting him out of this important part of your life, and the effects it would have on your siblings.
I agree with mcnetn3- don’t go out your way to include and don’t expect that he will suddenly have a change of heart.
Focus on the positives and keep the peace (easier said than done, I know!). Think of setting an example for your siblings.
Post # 5
If he’s always been a jerk, odds are that isn’t going to change (which sucks, and I’m so sorry). But why get yourself all worked up over something that you probably could have guessed would happen? Just don’t give him the satisfaction of getting you upset, and enjoy your engagement party (and every other part of the wedding) with the people you care about and who care about you!
Post # 6
Went through something sort of similar with DH’s family.
Don’t put all this energy into telling him off (though he deserves it) because unfortunately after so many years it’s not going to make him suddenly see the light. Don’t include him in any special way (if you do decide to invite him) but also don’t take the time to let him know why. It doesn’t sound like he deserves the effort.
If you choose not to invite him, again, just simply don’t send him an invitation. No explanations detailing all your hurt throughout the years necessary. I’m not of the mindset where “family is family” and “time heals all wounds.” No. Maybe if he had been making efforts since his abusive days to fix his relationships then it’d be different but it doesn’t sound as though he has.
Focus only on the positive people in your life!
Post # 7
@mcnetn3: I agree with you. Don’t let it get out of hand to where he says no to your siblings =(
*hugs* i am so sorry you are going through this. He is being a jerk!
Post # 8
Why would you have a man who you are not close with and who abused you, walk you down the aisle on the most important and special day of your life? I guess it’s nice to have forgiveness, but he has not been a Dad to you- I personally would never let him anywhere near me, let alone at my wedding or walking me down the aisle.
Post # 9
I agree with the consensus–don’t let him get under your skin. I’m sure that part of you had a feeling he would act like a jerk, since that’s the way he acted while you were growing up. I’m going through a very similar thing, and I’m not holding my breath that my dad will have an epiphany and realize how bad he was to us growing up. Bottom line–I’m not going to worry about him, and let him upset me. What happened is in the past, and I’m going to invite him. I hope you can do the same thing–it could hurt you more to exclude him from your wedding day (and possibly your siblings) than to have him show up and be treated like any other guest. Good luck!
Post # 10
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I completely understand how you feel though, as I hate my family with a passion. They are a bunch of stuck-up, selfish, nasty pieces of crap for many reasons.
I know that the difficult thing is the possibility of him not letting your siblings be in the wedding. I know it’s extremely difficult, but I would, just for the wedding, keep the peace so I can make sure my siblings can be in my wedding. Please let us know what you decide and what happens. All the best to you.
Post # 11
I agree with keeping the peace for the sake of your siblings. If its important to have them there, then invite him as well, but do not set expectations for yourself. Good luck!
Post # 12
Thanks you SO much Bees! You guys make me feel so much better