(Closed) My lack of sex drive is affecting my otherwise wonderful relationship

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

I don’t have the specific advice you asked for, but could it be the pill or some other form of birth control? Birth control affects different women way differently, and I’ve heard that sometimes it dampens your sex drive. Probably something your doctor will ask you anyway in your appointment!

Post # 5
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I had a similar issue when I was engaged in my early 20’s.  It could be other medications you might be taking.

In my experience the cause wasn’t physical and resolved itself.

Post # 6
5954 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

It could be medical, could be something else, the point is being motivated and diligent about resolving whatever it is before it erodes your relationship further.  Good on you for being proactive!

Post # 7
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

The more you do it, the more you’ll want to do it, is my advice. Due to health issues, I’ve had similar problems to you, and I had to make a conscious effort to just go with the flow when things were initiated, and it just got easier and more fun. I always enjoyed it once I started, but it’s just getting over that initial hurdle.

That said, the first pill I was on did totally kill my sex drive, but swapping that was fairly painless and really helped.

Post # 8
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I have a low sex drive, although I attribute it to my birth control. Fiance also has a low sex drive, so it’s not too big of a deal for us.

Anyway, Fiance and I make a point to never turn each other down…if someone initiates it, you go along with it. Sure, you might not be in to it at first, but that always turns around. I’ve also noticed the more we do it, the more I want it!

Post # 9
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@canadian-b33:  Have you had any weight gain? I gained a bit of weight last year and never wanted to be intimate because I just wasn’t interested.  Now that I’m back at the gym I seem to initaite it a lot more! Not saying that is the case with everybody just what I went through last year

Post # 10
2418 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I attributed my low sex drive to the anxiety medication I was on. Once I was off of it, I was fine.

Post # 12
3967 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t recall every having a sex drive… but I’ve also been on antidepressants since 16 and birth control since 19. SO has a higher drive, but he says it doens’t bother him and knows I’m insecure about it. I’m hoping the “the more you do it the more you want it” happens, too. I’m trying to get into the swing of that but we’ll see how it goes. So we have different drives but I can’t say it’s causing major problems right now.

Post # 15
6122 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Well if I had sex with my husband ONLY when I was in the mood for it, I’m sure our frequency would be lower!

Unless you’re uber sick or just got woke from a sound sleep at 2am, I say go ahead and let yourself enjoy the intimacy.  No need to turn him down everytime just because you’re not feeling like it at the moment.  You might not feel like it at first, but eventually you’ll get into it or at least have fun!

Post # 16
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Whilst you are waiting for results etc, I think that you need to make more of an effort.

You don’t always have to be in the mood for it to say yes. Just say yes, get the party going and you’ll get into it eventually. Then the more sex you have the more you’ll want it. Even if your body doesn’t feel like it, set your mind to wanting it. Use lube if that is a problem.

Perhaps focus on pleasing your SO? and the fact that he is left out? Sometimes you just have to ‘take one for the team’. He sounds like a good guy who could use a break.

Perhaps even agree to having sex once a day for a week just to really jump into the deep end and set things going again. 

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