(Closed) my last name

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You don’t HAVE to take his name! Have you and your Fiance discussed the possibilities? You take his name, he takes your name, you hyphenate, you both hyphenate, you both keep your own name, you both take a totally new name…

The only thing that says you HAVE to take his name is cultural tradition – if the two of you can look beyond that, a whole world of options opens up!

Post # 5
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You also don’t have to change it right awawy. Maybe take it for a test drive? Go by that name casually but don’t change it on any official paperwork. If it starts feeling more comfortable, you can always change it down the road.

Post # 6
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I have lots of friends who did not change their last names. Infact they are always asking me why I did change my last name lol. I wanted to change my last name. I still miss my old last name but I am happy that I made the change. It means a lot to me to not just take on his last name but share it. I think its a personal choice, and if it is not something you want to do then discuss it with him. I really like whatCanAmBride said –  just test drive it and see if it something you would be comfortable with.

Good luck!

Post # 7
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

OH MY GOSH I made fun of my fiance’s last name and now it’s going to me mine too! My fella’s last name rhymes with fluffy… and I’m a teacher, so I’m anticipating getting lots of cheeky “Mrs McFluffy” SIGH.

Post # 8
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m having a crisis with my name too. I don’t know why it’s bugging me so much though. This isn’t my first marriage so it isn’t my first name change. And in fact, the name I have now is my ex’s. However, I’ve had this name for 11 years now and I like it. I feel weird keeping it since it’s not even my maiden name. And to add to that we plan on having children and I think somehow that having the same name all around just makes things easier. But still, the thought of letting go of my current name is panicking me a bit.

Being Mrs. Hislastname just seems so weird. I’m sure I’m overthinking, but it’s the one detail of our marriage that I simply cannot seem to settle on. And he’s no help because he thinks I should do whatever is best for me. Gah.

Post # 9
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think that sounds really reasonable. Personally, I’m Dr. Myname, not Dr. Hisname – I just am, and that’s the way it is. So don’t change your name. Lots of women don’t. You can always change it later it you want to.

Post # 10
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If you’re uncomfortable taking his name for ANY reason, wait! You can always change it later.

I’m not taking my FI’s name, even though I always thought I would. Now that the time has come, it just doesn’t feel right to me. Plus, I like my name better! 

Post # 11
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Personally, I’m not going to change my name–for many reasons, not the least of which is his last name is just…not all that pretty 🙂

A lot of my friends didn’t change their names officially because of professional reasons etc. but introduce themselves socially by their married names. I really think it’s fine to do that. In fact, I kind of think it’s the best of both worlds.

You do have to think about legal things, though, like what name your house is under and buying airline tickets on which the name has to match your ID.

Post # 12
42 posts
  • Wedding: September 2012

I REALLY am having a hard time with the idea of changing my last name.  I’ve had my name, as a whole, for 30 years!!! It’s unique, it flows nice and have nicknames based around my last name now.  The idea of giving all that up is just hard to deal with.  My Mister’s last name is not bad at all – it’s a nice Italian last name and doesnt sound awkward or anything with my first name so there is no real reason NOT to like or want to take his name.  My Mister is very adamant about me taking his last name and even made me agree to take his name before he was ready to propose. 

I’m thinking of keeping my name as is for work and then just introducing myself as Mrs. HISLASTNAME and whatever whenever I have to outside of work. 

I’ve floated the idea of hyphenating and/or combining our last names and that just did not go over well!

Post # 13
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

First off, you don’t have to.  I think assuming that you have to makes light of the serious thought that goes into this decision for a lot of women who choose to do all sorts of things.

You have the option to.  You may, if you wish.  Your fiance may have an opinion and it may or may not matter to you.  (to me, it mattered in that I felt bad and started thinking about what it would mean to take his name like he wanted.  Then I got really fed up that he wasn’t feeling the same pressure and decided even more resolutely that I was sticking with what felt right for me.)  To some people, their name is a label that they can pull on and off without identity issues.  To me it really is a part of me.  It describes me and suits me perfectly and I’m very attached to it. 

There’s so many parts of this decision, but remember that it is a decision and not a rule.  It’s pretty normal nowadays to do all sorts of things – keep, change, hyphenate, add.  Do it only because and if you want to – don’t do it because you feel expected or pressured to if you know you are only going to hear or see your new name and cringe and regret the decision. 

Post # 14
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Being a middle aged first time bride, I can honestly say that I never thought I would change my last name just because I was getting married.  My fiance and I discussed it and he had no opinion whatsoever, he wanted me to do what I felt was best for me.  But here’s the thing….I think its romantic to take my husband’s name, not because my identity will change, although in some ways it will, I will be a wife for the first time.  Anyone who knows me knows that my personality and sense of self is very strong, I am contemporary and forward thinking and that a name change is not indicative of a loss of self.  I am a singer songwriter also and my professinal name will not change, but what I did decide to do is drop my middle name and use my last name as that with my husband’s last name.  I will use my birth name when I see fit.  I am also looking at it like this….I spent the first half of my life with one name, now I get to switch it all up and have another.  I am excited about it all and honored to take his name.

Post # 15
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Your not alone – I panic too. Although I’m excited to take my FI’s last name… I really do love my last name, and I’ll miss it.  It’s just such a WEIRD concept to grasp…

Post # 16
4566 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

So don’t change it. I didn’t, and I’m more comfortable that way. At the end of the day, it’s just a name, and it doesn’t affect your relationship unless it’s really important to him. Mr. KM didn’t care one bit, and so I didn’t change my name and probably won’t ever. I’m more comfortable with my name and that’s just how it is. People WILL be snarky and not nice about it because it’s not “traditional” and it will get to you (it was totally getting to me yesterday) but you know what? So what. It’s probably not going to be one of those things that you look back in life and wish you had done differently.

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