(Closed) My Life after pPROM and child loss.

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 91
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Thinking of you.  I’m glad that the therapist was able to help you.  Nice walks and exercise seem to help me when I’m down.  I know your birthday and due date are going to be hard.  Last year I experienced two due dates and my birthday was also pretty depressing because I was recovering from a D&C.  My pain in no way comes close to yours but I can relate to the dread as the date gets closer. I hope time goes fast to get over these hurdles and as they pass I hope it gives you more closure.  Hugs. 

Post # 92
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I bet Grady will help you know when you’re ready to try for his sibling – after all, he’s sure to be pretty selective, and it might take him some time to pick out just the right baby to have such awesome parents as you and your husband!

On a practical note, vitamin D and magnesium supplements can also help with mood issues; so can high-intensity, full-spectrum lamps for those of us who live in the north, where the sun seems to disappear in the winter. I have panic disorder with depression, and I live in Wisconsin – all of those treatments have helped my brain chemistry (though I have no trauma remotely comparable to yours).

Post # 93
20 posts
  • Wedding: May 2013

Hi Freckled Fox,

I’ve been thinking about you and hoping you’re doing well.  It sounds like you’re coping beautifully, even if it doesn’t feel like it.  Taking the steps to see a therapist and do what needs to be done to heal is so huge.  A lot of people just bottle it up and it spills over one day.  You seem very self-aware of your own emotions, which is so healthy.

The grave marker you made is gorgeous.  It’s so nice to have a peaceful place to speak to Grady.  The journaling is a great idea too.  It can be so cathartic to get it all out on paper.

I loved your analogy about the parachute…it so perfectly describes what it’s like.  If you think about it, pregnancy after a devastating loss is one of the only traumas we willingly put ourselves through, because we know it’s worth it in the end.  Want to hear something that comforted me?  The night I lost my son, my sister (who has always had much more of a sixth sense than I do) had a dream.  She dreamed they were removing the baby’s body from the room and she was crying.  Then she heard a voice (God?) that said, “Why are you crying?  That body was just a shell.  His sould will be back next time.”  When she woke up she googled the dream and found a psychic’s page who said that babies who are gone before they’ve had a chance to experience life will return to us in our next babies, or if not ours, family member’s babies.  Weirdly enough, when I got pregnant again it was the same due date of October 12!  I took it as a sign that a part of my first baby’s soul was coming back to us and it’s been extremely comforting.

Also, I wanted to let you know that, aside from the c-section, the plan for your future pregnancies is exactly the same as mine.  It’s gotten me this far, and I hope it works as well for you when you’re ready!

The coming weeks will no doubt be hard, but just know that we’re all thinking of you and praying for you.  Take care.

Post # 94
3009 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

FreckledFox:  I was reading one of the books in the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon the other day and came across a passage that made me think of you. I don’t know if you’re familiar with the books (and there is a series now as well) but the main character, Claire, travels back in time (I know, I know) to the late 1700’s, to the Scottish Highlands. Anyway, she loses her first baby, a girl, to placental abruption when she’s about 6 months pregnant, but goes on to have another daughter who is an adult with a child of her own in the book I’m on. But she has this to say about the loss of her first baby, Faith:

“How did a woman bear such loss? I had done it myself, and still had no idea. It had been a long time, and yet still, now and then, I would wake in the night, feeling a child’s warm weight sleeping on my breast, her breath warm on my neck. My hand rose and touched my shoulder, curved as though the child’s head lay there. I supposed that it might be easier to have lost a daughter at birth, without the years of acquaintance that would leave ragged holes in the fabric of daily life. And yet I knew Faith to the last atom of her being; there was a hole in my heart that fit her shape exactly. Perhaps it was that that had been a natural death, at least; it gave me the feeling that she was still with me in some way, was taken care of, and not alone.”

Anyway, still thinking of you and little Grady. Hope you and your husband are doing as well as can be expected these days.

Post # 95
2496 posts
Buzzing bee

Checking in to let you know you are still in our thoughts and prayers. 

Post # 97
2496 posts
Buzzing bee

I did the “supposed to be’s” too. They finally taught me to focus only forward. It wasn’t forgetting or ignoring. 

Something I saw the other day that I kind of like-

“Depression is trying to live in the past.

Anxiety is trying to live in the future.

Contentment is letting yourself live in the present.”

Maybe worth a thought.

I’m sure it goes without saying that we’re all here for you.

Post # 98
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

FreckledFox:  Thinking of you. I know this month is hard. I’m glad you are liking your therapist and hopefully she has some suggestions of constructive things you can do this month to help you heal. <3 <3

Post # 99
515 posts
Busy bee

Thinking of you often. You’re so eloquent and such a warm and special woman. And I’ll say it again, your husband is a wise and kind man.

Post # 102
1831 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

FreckledFox:  My heart hurts for you. I’m glad to see you’re doing about as good as can be expected. I can’t even imagine how hard this all must be. It sounds like you have a good therapist. I know that there is much joy in your future and I hope that knowledge helps give you peace.


Post # 103
3729 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

FreckledFox:  I’ve been thinking of you– I cannot imagine how hard this weekend must be for you. While it’s so exciting to see all of the other September mammas give birth, it’s hard to feel left behind and going through hell at what was supposed to be a time of happiness. You’ve been in my thoughts and prayers.

Also, if you keep the bassinet, hide it. Seeing it every day will destroy you, especially when trying to conceive.

Post # 104
1592 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

FreckledFox:  Sending huge, huge hugs to you. I have been thinking of you everyday. 

Post # 105
2496 posts
Buzzing bee

Wearing butterflies over the last several days, to honor your memories, and also to imagine a future that will include grady’s sibling(s).

I think your therapist’s approach is spot on, and I’m glad that you have her. In retrospect, I know that creating the image of a future was a very good strategy for me when I needed it. Trust what you are doing.

You are in the thoughts of all of us who “know” you. 

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