My Little sister got engaged after me and she set her date before mine!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@TinaLynn:  You have every right to be upset. I have known many siblings who wanted to get engaged but waited until after their sibling got married, which is very honorable, of course it is never a “sure thing” but in my opinion, it is the right thing to do (if not engaged, than atleast wait to get married!).

If I were in your position, I would bullet point a list of all the reasons you are hurt, and have a meeting with your sister and your parents. Let them know how you feel without getting angry or mad, just express your disappointment to them and see what they have to say. That is really the best advice I can offer. Goodluck!

Post # 5
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Crappy.  That wasn’t very cool of her!

Post # 6
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@TinaLynn:  Her timing blows. She tried to compromise with you and meet you half way, but she has her own agenda and schedule to contend with, too. Plus, your parents seem pleased that you are both marrying in the same time frame.

You have a choice: Continue to hit your head against the wall on this and feed the competition of who goes first and who has what…

or let it go, be happy for your sister, be happy for you, and continue planning.

What will you choose?

Either way, get your save-the-dates and invitations in the mail a.s.a.p. 😉 

Post # 7
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I really wanted my engaged to be focused on me and my wedding

you cant expect yourself and only you to be everyones focus – people have their own lives and you were already engaged 2 months before she announced hers.

she can have whatever size wedding she wants and there is 6 weeks between the two ceremonies so plenty of time for both of you to feel special

Post # 8
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

As a bride you have ONE day. Your sister can get married whenever she likes you can’t dictate that to her. She has already been fair and she has pushed her wedding as far back as she can for you.

See this as a positive, there is going to be drama surrounding her wedding (like most weddings) and you can learn from this and prevent these pit falls for your own.

I waited 6 and half years for my man to propose, two very close friends of ours got engaged over the following three months and BOTH are getting married before us and BOTH couples have been dating for a much shorter period of time. Our wedding is in June 23, one friend is getting married end of April and the other TWO WEEKS BEFORE our day. I am nothing but thrilled for them both.

6 weeks is plenty of a buffer zone for you to feel special, it could be worse, you could be in my position were it’s only two weeks and half of the guests from both weddings are coming to ours. Oh and our Bridal showers and hens night are all right after each other.

Be happy for your sisiter and focus on your wedding!!

Post # 9
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I do not understand why you’re hurt by this? I think you’re taking it way too far. She pushed her date back for you, and I don’t see why the number of her guest list matters to you in the slightest. Let her have her special day, and you can have yours…

Post # 10
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I understand where you are coming from. Sure PP on here will tell you that you get ONE day and that you cant tell her what to do, but perhaps they fully dont understand because they arent in your shoes or cant imagine feeling how you feel.

Having her engagement close to yours isnt what the big deal is (2 months is a decent time)… its the wedding. She will get everything first..the bridal shower first, the bachelorette first, and the wedding. Its going to feel second hand for you.. also half your guests will be at her wedidng first adding financial stress on them (out of town travels or even just buying a gift)

If there is nothing you can do im sorry to hear. Hugs.

Post # 11
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

As soon as you allow her wedding to feel like a competiton to yours, it will become one.

However, the truth is that it isn’t a competition.  You each have your day, not a week/month/year.

Embrace it for what it is and use it as a way to become closer with your sister as you plan your weddings together.

Post # 14
Member
1811 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I understand a bit of where you are coming from.  Right after my engagement my sister met the man of her dreams.  They haven’t even known each other as long as I’ve had this pretty ring on my finger and she is getting married 6 months before me.  The big difference though, is that I have had time to really appreciate the situation.  

She is happy and in love and can’t wait to be married, just like me.  It makes the time even more awesome because I have my sister to giggle with about silly wedding stuff.  We even found our dresses during the same appointment.  It sucks financially for my parents, but I think that is the only negative of the entire situation.  She doesn’t have much time to plan so she is rushing and having to make cuts, whereas my parents just put the amount of money they promised in my bank account and I get to decide where it goes.  

Try to embrace this time before your wedding.  Don’t get too caught up in who is paying attention or what she is doing and focus on making your day what you want it.  Watch her go through her planning process and learn from her mistakes.  This really could turn out to be ideal for you.  

Post # 15
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@TinaLynn:  I can understand that being tough, I’m really not seeing the other two brides plan their weddings so it’s easier to forget about there day and focus on mine.

Mmmm, how to handle this….. maybe have a talk with your parents and you can set a schedule so to speak, say one weekend discuss your sisters wedding and the following weekend focus on yours and so on. Talking to them will help.

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